Whoa, different day

This morning Dede took Dad to church. He announced to the whole congregation that they could all come get a free tree. So, ok. We decided we'd keep the front gate locked and they could all come up the Central driveway. We also decided to provide saws but they would have to get the trees themselves. We would not be putting on stands.

For those of you who don't know, our stands aren't the criss-cross wood slats they bang onto the end. These are made out of rebar with a dish and a big spike in the center. We lift the tree up onto a special drill, make sure it's perfectly upright and then drill the hole into the center of the tree. Then you stick the stand-dish-spike into the hole and bang it on with a sledge hammer. It's a quick process but if you're doing a lot of trees it eats up a lot of time and manpower. Namely, Drew. I think he put stands on for five hours straight yesterday. We all worked on stands but I don't think Drew did much of anything else. Except for tying the trees onto cars and SUVs. Man, it was a lot of work. Anyway...

Stacey, Scotty and I worked on boxing up the rest of the records. Drew is still recovering from surgery and shouldn't lift anything heavy. We all decided he should hang out down front and help the church people with trees and we'd deal with packing the records and getting them to storage. My truck was already loaded up with my stuff so I took it to storage and then waited for Stacey and Scotty.

When they got there they told me that Dad was on the rampage. He didn't get his chill pill this morning because all his extra meds have already been taken to the new place. He was down front yelling at Drew to open the gate. He was behaving this way in front of the people from church. That was kind of surprising, He can usually fake it with non family members. I didn't get the whole story and it was pretty much over by the time I got home. I guess he was quite sorry and embarrassed. Tomorrow Dede is going to Raincross and get enough meds for the week.

So, we had a lot of people from Hope but then we started getting people from some Baptist church. One guy said he was the son of a waitress who worked where Dad had lunch today. He had announced it to the whole restaurant! These people were not anyone we knew. These people were kinda creepy and not all that nice. I didn't spend much time down front today but what I saw just didn't feel good. Not like yesterday at all.

Today was a lot of hard work. I took three loads to storage and I have a fourth all ready to go. It's really something. Everyone is working so hard. Even the kids (well, not MY kids) have been working.

It's time to make the big butcher paper to-do list. We need Information Central.

Tomorrow is my first day at RCC. Hee! I think I just might take half a Xanax before I go. It's funny, I made this elaborate wardrobe box so I could hang up my nicer garments for the move. I have all my silk stuff nicely packed away. Now I have to unpack it so I can have something to wear to work. And on my very first day I'm going to ask for a day off. Moving day is on a Wednesday. Man, I don't think I have ever felt so nervous starting a new job. Like I'm being thrown into the deep end. But it's also pretty exciting. Life changing.

So, this is how we'll end 2007. Dad goes into assisted living. The girls and I move into our own house and I get a job (a job with exciting potential). The farm will be no more. Man, I feel like we're coming to the end of a book. Ah, there it is. Just take all the blog entries from 2007, hire an editor and BAM! Best seller! Ok, maybe there a few more steps than that.

Anyway, it's been a mind-blowing year.

What a day!

Whew! It was such a whirlwind! Once we got the gates open people were coming in non-stop. Some people took five or six trees. It was really pretty fun, almost like a party.

Bill and Virginia came with Zoey and two of her friends. Brendan thought it was just wonderful that his teacher showed up at the farm. He really enjoyed goofing around with Bill. Seeing those guys was the high point of my day. Bill and Virginia told me that Zoey's friends' family doesn't have much money and asked if they could get a tree too. No problemo. It felt good to be able to do that. Bill and I delivered their tree. The father seemed very happy to get it.

But the day didn't start out too well. When I called Dad this morning he wanted to know what was going on today. I told him that today was the day when everyone was coming to get their tree. He flipped. He wanted to know who's idea it was. Who made the decision to do that? I told him we all decided. He wanted to know who was invited up here. I told him we all invited our friends and family. It didn't matter what I said to him, he was majorly pissed. He said no one ever tells him what's going on. I told him that we do tell him, he just forgets. He yelled, "I haven't forgotten a blessed thing!!!" And then there was a long pause. "This sounds like something Donita cooked up." Yep. He had forgotten who he was talking to.

After some more yelling I hung up and went over there to do morning meds. He was spittin' mad. I got to hear it all, mostly about what a huge liar I am. I just gave him his pills and left. Then Stacey called me to warn me about Dad being on the rampage. I said, "I know, it's my fault." He called Drew too. Everybody got an earful this morning. When Dede got here she calmed him down and took him to his new place to measure it. He's been wanting to do that to see how his furniture will fit. She kept him away for most of the day. They came back when we had a big crowd of people here. Since everyone was having a good time he just went along with it.

After we closed the gates we went to Olivia's for dinner. I'd had almost nothing to eat all day so I was ready for a good meal. And it was really good.

Some good news. I don't think I want to give the details here, but due to my having a connection at RCC I've been handed a job at the district office. I start on Monday. It's just part time for now, which is ideal. Gonna be a receptionist. I am so thankful for this opportunity. Really, it blows my mind. Getting a decent job was a huge worry for me and this could really lead to bigger and better things. Once I'm able to go full time I'll be eligible for some kickin' benefits. Hoo boy. I just hope I don't fall flat on my face. I really want to do a good job. I want them to keep me! Thank you, SB!

For tonight, a hot shower, jammies and a glass of wine. Tomorrow we do it all again. Well, fewer people getting trees but we still have to pack.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

I hope you all eat too much and laugh just enough.

We're going to Ken and Sherri's today. Tomorrow we'll be at Stacey's. The Lang's always do Thanksgiving the day after so we can have the whole day together and not worry about scheduling conflicts. We'll be grilling steaks (so traditional). Saturday we're opening the farm for a few hours so our friends can come pick up a free tree. We're not selling them this year. After everyone gets their tree the rest will be cut down and mulched. How totally weird will it be to see the hill denuded? No trees after thirty-something years! People are gonna freak!

Ok, ok, gotta go cook something.

No sleep

Ugh. I'm wide awake. My eyes popped open at 2:45 and now here I am. Any sleep I got was fitful and dreamless. I'll probably get used to it but for tonight sleeping on the air mattress isn't a happening thing. Add to that a big ol' brain buzz swirling up the usual worries and you just have to give up and get up. I might have to resort to a sleep aid.

Here's my brain buzz list:

Do I have what it takes?
Can I make it on my own?
Can I keep a household going?
Am I spending too much money?
Will I get it all done in time?
Will my health hold up?
Should I not get satellite tv?
One mattress or two?
Now or later?
Is this it?

Just get through this. It'll all be what it's going to be after the move... after Christmas... after the first of the year... after I find a job... after I lose some weight... after Paige graduates... after Lindsay graduates...

One day I'll be looking back at all of these afters. Did it turn out the way I thought it would?

Just get through it.

Where will we sit? Where will I sleep?

Hoo ha! Today I tore my sofa to pieces. Well, three big pieces. Stacey helped me get it out the door and into the truck and then into the dumpster. It was a sofa bed that weighed a ton, was impossible to open and had been clawed by the cats. It had to go. Stacey and I also carried my mattress out to the truck and then to the dumpster. It was 10 years old and pretty much done. I don't need a king size bed anymore. I'm going to get a queen sized mattress and cut my bed to fit. Jim and I made this bed. Three cuts with a skill saw, a little routing and staining and BAM. Queen bed. I took it apart and carried it out to the back porch. I am woman, hear me roar.

So, tonight I'm sleeping on an inflatable mattress. Just like camping! Wheee! We might move in one of the wicker sofas from the front porch just so we have a place to sit until the move.

Stacey and I made some progress packing up the records. Had to stop because we ran out of boxes. I'll get some more tomorrow. Jeez, moving is one of those things where you work and work but it doesn't look like you've done anything. It just looks like a big mess.

Man, I'm ready for a shower and a snooze.

Dum-de-dum...

A good, productive day today. I got the back porch area cleaned. Now I can stack boxes out there and free up some space in the house. The garage is almost done. I cleaned out the broom closet. Boxed up some kitchen stuff. Packed up the truck and took a load to storage.

Paige baked some pumpkin pies yesterday. She actually improved on the Libby's recipe. They were really very good. She was going to take one over to Gabe's this evening but Gracie dragged it off the table and ate the whole thing. Dopey dog. Paige was pissed! I can't imagine eating a whole pie. Guess who's sleeping outside tonight?

Ten days until we move Dad. Ten more days of doing morning and evening meds. It's hard to believe my stint as caregiver is finally coming to an end. I still might have to do stuff like take him to the doctor and get his meds but that's easy and we'll be getting him a doctor here in town. No more driving to Loma Linda. No more sitting for hours surrounded by grumpy old men.

I'm so looking forward to getting into the new neighborhood. Victoria avenue is right there and it's a great place to walk. I'll walk the Vic when I'm not walking the Rube with Jeff. I'll take Bozzie with me. He'll need it now that he won't have 12 acres to roam.

I think I'll go pack some more.

Fortune cookie sez...

TAKE THAT CHANCE YOU'VE BEEN CONSIDERING

Damn cookie. Pushing me into doing that which I'm too chicken to do.

Today Virginia and I went to the Felt Club show in LA. Lots of cool stuff but too much of it was the same and too much of it was too expensive. Go to the comments on the previous blog entry and click on the link to her blog. She pretty much says it all. I found a few things to give as Christmas gifts and I bought a necklace for myself. The best part of the day was just hanging out with Virginia and talking almost non-stop.

This evening Jeff and I went to see Beowulf. I would recommend seeing it in 3D if you can. I think the jokes would work better. It's not a great movie but we both enjoyed it. Afterward we went to dinner and had a good, long talk. I haven't seen him much lately because we haven't walked together (my bad back). Now I feel like I need to walk the Rube by myself to get back up to speed. I'm a real weakling right now. After the big move I want to start working on getting my fitness level back up. I'm tired of not feeling good.

The pets are all doing well. The "spend money" light went on in my car today. And so it goes.

Tomorrow I resume packing. I want to get some of this chaos under control. I'm going to work on one area at a time so I can get some things completed and actually see the progress.

Good stuff is happening.

Another nutso day

Ye gollys. It just doesn't stop.

I was planning to get up at 5 this morning so I could be at Ramona by 6. My eyes popped open at 4 so that was it. I was up. So, I paid some bills. That was productive. I went to Ramona and worked for three hours setting up the snack bars and generally doing a bunch of running around. I probably walked the equivalent of Mt. Rubidoux. Then I came home.

Almost right away I went over to Dad's and started helping with the cleaning and packing. We really got a lot done. Another productive activity. Getting pretty tired now. I got a phone message from the vet at around 3. He thought Gracie was ready to come home. I immediately ran over there to get her. The final bill was $360. Not bad considering it could have been much more. She had a vestibular inner ear problem. So there ya go. I brought her home with some antibiotics. She's acting completely normal (barking too much).

I went back to Dad's and resumed the cleaning and packing. Dad was at Drew's all day so we were free to toss stuff like we just didn't care. Wheee! We actually got the dumpster halfway filled with just stuff from Dad's house.

Kyle is here this weekend and he brought the cats. When we finished working at Dad's I unlocked the apartment for Dede and David so they could get some stuff. While I was out there I heard Lindsay yelling for me. Ink had thrown up a few times and the last one looked bloody. So off we went to the emergency vet again. After a couple of hours and some more $ we left there with a round of antibiotics for Ink. The vet thinks she either inhaled something (bad huffing kitty!) or she has pneumonia. Kyle will need to keep her quiet for the next few days. Pretty hard to do since Inky and Spiral play pretty hard together.

So, now I have just enough time to grab a shower and head back over to the school to watch the band's last performance of the marching season. I also have to deliver a mallet to Paige.

And then I shall collapse in a heap of tiredness. But at least I'm not an emotional basket case.

Hiccups

Got 'em bad. Right now. Big ol' air-sucking hiccups. And why not? Might as well pile something else onto this generally shitty day.

This morning I went to the vet to check on Gracie. The vet had come in an hour late so the office was piled up with people. People with boxers. The only empty seat was next to an obnoxious woman with a loud voice and a jumpy dog. The dog (a boxer) actually ended up in my lap several times. She was too busy loudly yapping on her cell phone to be bothered with controlling her saliva-spraying dog. Since she's a breeder she has no problem using the word "bitch" as often as she can in one conversation. "That bitch is one beautiful bitch. That bitch has a wonderful bite. I've never seen a bitch with such a big front. That bitch is one bitchin' bitch of a bitch."

At one point the receptionist had to tell the bitch to keep her voice down. After almost 2 hours (they hadn't pulled Gracie's chart) I finally got to talk to the vet. Gracie has improved a little. She's even showed a little interest in some food. But she's not out of the woods yet. So, she'll stay the weekend. Ka-ching.

Then I went to Mickey's to pick up my paycheck. Actually, two paychecks. Both of them together totaled $40. They stiffed me some hours! So, I had to go back in and talk to the managers, both of whom always look at me like I'm some kind of alien, and tell them my paychecks were short. I left them my pay stubs so they can investigate.

The hiccups have stopped. Now I feel a little sick. So, today was just one of those days. I was ignored by the hostess at the restaurant, I was ignored by the waitress, almost got creamed by a speeding truck, had to go to two Target stores to find the trash cans I wanted.

Yeah, I know. Boo hoo.

Gracie

I just got back from taking Gracie to the vet. This morning I found her in the kitchen, laying in a puddle of her own saliva. One side of her was completely wet. She was shaking, her eyes were kind of glazed and her muscles were tight. I took her to the emergency vet. They were just closing but they took her anyway. The vet there said he didn't think it was a stroke. He thinks she ingested something. I had to think hard about what it possibly could be. She was fine after our walk last night. I gave her a Rimadyl because she was limping. While I was at the vet I called home and asked Lindsay to look around and see if there was anything laying around that she could have gotten into. Lindsay didn't find anything.

They sedated her and put a catheter in her leg. Then I took her to our regular vet. He thinks it's either a stroke or an inner ear thing. He said we can keep an eye on her for a couple of days and see how she does. After that I could take her to a place in Orange County for some expensive tests or I can have her put down. Shit.

She's 12 years old and already not doing all that well. I don't think I'd be willing to spend a huge wad of money trying to save a dog that's probably on the way out anyway. Well, I don't have to decide anything right now. Good thing, too. I'm not thinking all that clearly.

We got Gracie as a 6-week-old puppy after we lost our dear Sally dog to kidney failure. Losing Sally was pretty hard on us and it took a while before we felt ready to get another dog. One of the first things I said to Gracie, that little ball of black fluff was, "You're going to put me through it someday, aren't you." That's how it is with pets. We don't get to have them for as long as we'd like. They get old so fast. Our cat, Katie (best friggin' cat ever), is 9 1/2 and is not as robust as she used to be. Anyway...

We just don't know about Gracie yet. Maybe it'll clear up in a day or two. But I'm preparing myself. And right now I'm going to lay down and zone out for a while. What a morning.

Still counting

Today they picked up the latest batch of dumpsters. We got another one for all the trash that's going to come out of both houses, mostly Dad's. When the guy was hooking up the second dumpster Dad came out and asked (in a snide voice), "Did Drew say they could take this?" I said no, I'm the one who's been handling the dumpsters. He said, "Then you haven't got a brain in your head." I said, "Thank you. What a kind thing to say". He again asked if Drew said it was ok to take it. I told him it's full. He sort of yelled, "That's not full! Any idiot can see it's not full!" Um, really, any idiot could see there was a bunch of stuff sticking out of the top. Was it floating up there?

At first I said, "Well, you climb up there and tell me if it's full or not." But then I thought he might actually do that. I told him that the driver actually had to re-arrange things because it was a little too full (which was the truth). Dad started to walk away but then he saw where the empty dumpster had been placed. I had the guy put it in a different spot because he had delivered the empty one and then went to get the full one. Normally I would have had him put it in the alley but then he wouldn't have been able to get out. So, yeah, it's in a funky place but it'll be fine for what we're going to do. So, of course Dad had to bitch about it. I didn't tell him that the reason it's sitting there is because we're going to fill it with crap from his house.

It's sitting on a slope. Dad told me to tell the guy he needs to level it. I asked why. Dad said that dumpsters don't work if they're not level. I told him that if the driver thought there'd be a problem then he wouldn't have put it there. I turned around to walk away and Dad followed me halfway home telling me how stupid I am.

We're going to be keeping this dumpster for a while. We'll have to keep the doors closed or Dad will go in there and pull stuff out. We might even have to lock it. He's being such a jerk about throwing things away that I could even see him grabbing a ladder and climbing in over the side to retrieve his precious garbage. Heh! We could keep him in there so he can tell us when it's full.

Yes, Donita is still counting down the days.

Stuff

Dede was here for a little while yesterday. We took some of the records to Dad's storage. Damn, them boxes were heavy. Records weigh a lot. After that I met Virginia at Panera for lunch. I don't get to see her as often as I'd like. I showed her the photos of the house. We had a lovely chat about the crazy old people in our lives. We've both decided that we won't be able to avoid turning into crazy old people ourselves. Better apologize to the kids early. We're doomed.

More packing today. At some point I need to take Dad to the VA for a TB test. I'd like to try going for a walk. I think my back can handle it now.

David Lindley

Jeff and I went to McCabe's Guitar Shop to see David Lindley last night. It's the first time in five or six years that I've seen him. He's always been one of my favorite artists to see in concert. It was Jeff's first time seeing him. Last night's show was the most mellow I'd ever seen. It was just Dave and his guitar-like objects. No percussion. Everything he played was new except for Cat Food Sandwich. He told some great stories. Fun show. I'm glad Jeff enjoyed it. Afterward we bought some cd's and chatted with Dave. I asked him if he's ever going to play at the Claremont folk center and he said they're talking about it. It is, after all, just down the street from where he lives. Man, it would be so fun to see him there.

Hey, Michele. Right after the show when we were filing out they put on some music and it was Grey Funnel Line! It was the Silly Sisters recording! Cool, eh?

It's after 3:00 and I've done almost nothing. I guess I could go to the grocery store. I could at least accomplish getting some food in the house.

House inspection

There are some issues. Nothing major. Still, it'll add up.

We met Pat, the inspector dude, at the house at 9:30 this morning. We liked Pat. He was very thorough. Gammer and Gaffer were there AGAIN. The realtor niece and her husband showed up just after we got there. She's ok, he's a know-it-all. It was kind of hard to stay away from him.

The whole thing took three and a half hours. I was glad to be able to spend so much time in the house. We were so rushed the first two times we were there I felt like I really didn't get a good look at the place. Ken and I measured the rooms for carpet but after some consideration I think I'll keep the old carpet for a while. It's dated but still mostly in good shape. Sherri suggested it might be a good idea to keep it because my animals are getting older. She's right. Gracie has lost control a couple times.

Some of the issues are:

Electrical- Funky DIY wiring to the garage and to the outside lights. A "double tapped" wire in one of the electrical boxes (unsafe). The whole house uses the old two-prong system which, I am told, might be a problem for all the electronics.

Plumbing- Funky DIY plumbing in one of the bathrooms. The shower in the main bathroom doesn't work and the sink faucet is loose. There's a leaky faucet outside. The water heater needs replacing. One of the toilets is loose.

Grade and gutters- In the side yard the grade slopes towards the house. Most of the gutters are kind of shot. Missing downspouts.

Walls and ceiling- Some water damage here and there. There's an iffy panel in the main bathroom. Pat told us that the walls are made of button board. It's kind of a cross between sheetrock and lath and plaster. The walls are plastered. He told me if I want to hang a picture I need to drill a small pilot hole first or else I'll get a big hole if I try to bang a nail in. I appreciated that information. I have a lot of art to hang.

There's a little dry rot in the outside wood but not much.

Many of the windows are painted shut. Some of the doors don't latch. Old house stuff.

The AC and heater are good. The roof is almost new but Pat pointed out that the old roof was gravel and they put the new one right on top of it. If we walk around on the roof the gravel could puncture the tar paper and we could get leaks. So stay off the roof!

Sherri and I sat and chatted about decor and stuff. There are lots of family photos around the house. I noticed one in particular. It was a picture of one of their family members shaking hands with Dick Cheney! EEEK! I'm going to have to do a spiritual cleansing on this house. Burn some sage or something.

Overall I'm very happy. There's so much room. The family room will be perfect for the girl's parties. I'll have a nice-sized art studio with tons of light. The house has lots of storage. All this place needs is a covered patio. Then it'll be perfect. Mostly.

Afterward we went to Ken and Sherri's to talk. We all feel pretty good about the house. I do like the fact that it's the same floorplan as their house, just mirror image. Jim would have liked that.

I went to Michael's and picked up the paintings I had framed. They turned out really well. I'm glad to finally get them framed. Two of them have been sitting in the flat file for 18 years. The other one is the original for Kindalikeamola. They'll all look great in the new house.

Hey! Since we're not getting new carpet we can just move in on moving day! Schweet!

Packing records and eating dust.

Today I have to hang around and wait for dumpster guys. So, while I'm doing that I'm packing up the Ned records. Good golly, it's a lot of records. And they're covered with dust. Puh! I ran out of boxes so I came up here to goof off. I'll grab another pack and get back out there.

I've been through the whole collection and picked out what I want to keep. We've decided to store the rest of them. Once I'm good and settled I'm going to start doing some eBay sales. I'm sure someone out there will want Mantovani, 101 Strings and Longine's Symphonette by the truckload. There's also a LOT of Dean Martin, Nat King Cole, Andre Kostelanetz, Bert Kaemfert, Guy Lombardo, Johnny Mathis, ETC! But there's a lot of less schlocky stuff too. Lot's of jazz. TONS of Hawaiian. I'm not sure if it's good Hawaiian, tho. There was a time back in the 60's where everyone and his brother were making Hawaiian albums. Lots of polka records. Lots of country. Some of these albums have great covers.

I can't wait to get the stereo set up so I can start playing the records I chose to keep. That'll be fun. I'd like to add a music feature to my blog and start streaming some of this music. Or start a podcast and call it The Best Of Ned. We'll see. In addition to the records there are five boxes of files that Ned put together. Thet're are all about the music. It'll be fun to go through those, too.

Gotta pack up my outdoor stuff, gotta dig up some plants. I keep waiting for the weather to get cooler so there'll be less transplant shock. This weekend we're going to hack up the sofa and put it in a dumpster. Wheee!!! Packing, packing, packing. Pulling the particles together. So much to do.

Tomorrow is the house inspection. Gonna measure for carpet.

Particles!

Today is Jim's birthday

Emotions are close to the surface. Doing ok, though.

Heh! The caps lock was on so at first I typed DOING OK, THOUGH. It completely changes the meaning.

I just want to talk to him, y' know? We talked together a lot. For, like, 34 years. I'd like to hear what he'd have to say about all this. Of course, if he were still around all this would be 50% different. I miss the conversations we'd have when he'd get excited about something. Those were fun. Enthusiastic Jim was fun to be with.

I told Kyle a funny Jim story the other day. This happened when we were first going together. I was at his house one afternoon, hanging out in the living room. The Smiths always drank bottled water that came in those big, glass Sparklet's bottles. I was sitting on the couch and he came in holding one of the bottles. He said, "Hey, Doni, CATCH!" and HEAVED the bottle right at me! I screamed and leapt off the couch. The bottle hit the floor and bounced. It was one of the first plastic water bottles!

Funny Jim.

Did some work today with Dede and Stacey. We're going to do one more dumpster weekend and then that's it. You can actually see progress now. The whole place is much cleaner. Still, lots to do.

Dede got my glasses back! Thank you, Dede! Yes, they are scratched and the frame is bent. Oh, well. Still, they're better than the drugstore cheaters.

Drugstore Cheaters would be a good name for a band. A band made up of fifty year olds.

I picked out upholstery fabric today! Eek! I'm getting this really cool, 1960's chair and sofa set reupholstered. It's a retro-looking black and gold fabric. (Did she say black and gold?) Yes, black and gold. It's not what I had envisioned but I think it'll look really cool on the sofa and chair. And when I think about how it will look with my lamps and art it's like, yeah, that's it. I'm getting excited about decorating my new house.

No pets on the furniture!

Big workday

I've noticed that these workdays are slow getting off the ground but once everyone get's their stuff together (tools, hats, music, iced tea, gloves, going to the store, whatever) a LOT of work gets done pretty darn fast. This morning we started in the barnyard. I had called Hector and asked him if he wanted to help us. I also asked him to bring 5 guys to help. We thought they'd be here first thing this morning but they weren't showing up. Turns out he was working his regular job. Duh! Of course.

We worked on the barnyard for a while. David took Dad to breakfast and then to see the assisted living place. Dad loved it! He complained that he didn't like the whole idea but he went along with it and even got a little enthusiastic. He likes the fact that there a lot of women there. I never would have dreamed that he'd like it right off the bat. I really expected a big dramatic scene. I still think one of us should stay with him at first. We can take turns. But man, I never thought he'd take it this well.

Stacey, Drew and I are kinda gimpy from back injuries and recent surgery so we weren't able toget as much done. Still, one dumpster was half-loaded and all of the old tires had been removed. Good progress.

Stacey and Scotty had to leave go to Audra's singing debut (go, Audra!). Dad went with them! Mindy, Dede and I went up to Dad's house and started working on cleaning out closets. Yegawdamighty! Mindy and I worked on the hall closet. Half of it was Mary Alice's old stuff and half of it was tools. Really crazy tools, too. Big, gnarly tools. Then we started on the kitchen drawers. We didn't even get to the drawers with actual kitchen stuff in them. We cleaned out the kitchen office drawers. These were full of smaller tools, hardware and general garbage.

Hector and the guys showed up around 3:00. They jumped in and kicked ASS! They were really fun to work with. There was a bit of a language barrier but we managed to joke around quite a bit. And two of the dumpsters got filled. They're coming back tomorrow.

Stacey came back to work while Scotty kept Dad at their house. We were able to work the entire day without dealing with Dad. What an amazing difference that makes! When we were done we all went to Stacey and Scotty's for dinner. College Man Mike joined us. Fun night. And tomorrow we get to do it all again.

The only snag of the day was when the bees got a bit miffed at David. While he was trying to bat them away he knocked his glasses off and got stung. Now he can't find his glasses and had to wear his prescription shades to watch tv at Stacey's. Maybe we'll find them tomorrow.

It's kind of weird. Everything has to go. Almost everything in Dad's house has to go. So, as we're doing the clean-up today I kept coming home with stuff. I mean, everybody's taking something home. Drew and I have gotten most of it, mainly because Dede and Stacey are interested in just a few things. We're setting some things aside for Debbie. But it just feels weird. I have to remind myself that it has to go.

Strange thing, this shifting of stuff. I've been doing the same thing with Jim's stuff. Everything he owned now belongs to me, right? But so much of it is stuff I can't use. So, out it goes. And that feels wrong. But it's my stuff. What IS this stuff?

Today was a good day.

Happy Halloween!

No decorations, no costume. First time in 20 years. And it's ok.

I'm going to drive around and look at other people's decorations. Jim and I were always so invloved in our own displays that we never got to go around and see what other people do. I'm going to check out the new neighborhood and see if there's any action and then I'll go to Kevin and Mary's and hang with them and their friends. And when it's over I'll get in the car and come home. Simple.

When we decorated we'd have to tear everything down and pack up before we came home. At that time of night after spending the whole day setting everything up we'd be so dog dead tired we could barely move. How nice it will be to just get in the car and go.

The girls put some very cool costumes together. I'll post photos tomorrow. Lindsay went as a German beer maid, complete with beer mugs. She used Paige's black bodice with a green skirt and red, poofy petticoat. She's majorly boobilicious. I found eight plastic beer mugs at the dollar store. I painted the inside with clear acrylic that was tinted yellow to look like beer. Then I sprayed in some foam insulation and painted it white to look like beer foam. I used zip ties to clamp them together, two bunches of four glasses. The whole thing put together looks pretty cool.

Paige's costume is hard to name. It all started with the shoes. She found these awesomely bitchy, black and white spectator pumps. One black stocking, one white. White miniskirt, red lace bustier, black blazer. She put a white ribbon around the crown of Jim's enormous stovepipe hat. Gabe was dressed to match.

Yep. For me, this year just was not a happenin' thing. I'll have a nice display next year at the new house. Not the big, ka-blammo displays we used to do but something special and small. And I'm pretty sure the weekend before we'll have a party.

See you next year.

There's no way to make it ok

Dede and David are going to get an angry phone call from Dad.

He called a while ago. He wanted to cook something but he couldn't figure out how. I went over there to see what he was trying to do. He had some sausages in a bowl. He had turned the oven on but thankfully he'd turned the temperature knobs all the way down. I turned them off. His microwave is pretty messed up. The latch that opens it is broken. I didn't want him trying to cook it on the stove top so I told him I'd take them home and cook them at my house. He said he wanted to know how so he followed me home.

As soon as we got here he started asking me all kinds of questions about the farm sale and the move. It always happens this way. He starts asking questions, I try to answer them as best I can and he gets angry because he says nobody has told him anything. I'm sure all of this has been explained to him and he's gotten copies of all the papers (well, most of them) but he forgets and he loses any piece of paper you give him. No matter how many times I explained everything he wouldn't accept it. He wants to stop the sale. I told him it's too late. He wants to meet with the buyer and tell him what he wants done with the land. I told him that when the time comes the buyer will take possession and it's up to him to decide what he's going to do with the land, just like when Dad bought the property from the previous owner. We went round and round. He wants to fire his doctors so he can have some other doctor tell him he's perfectly fine. He said he can't believe the way his own family is treating him.

While he was sitting there ranting I just felt so sad for him. Throughout his whole life he was pretty successful. He owned several businesses. He bought this place when he was in his mid-forties. He really was a very smart man and he knew it. So I can see how it's impossible for him to believe his mind doesn't work the way it used to. He thinks he's doing really well and he can't understand why it's all been taken out of his hands. And when you explain it to him he either doesn't accept it or he forgets what you just said to him two minutes ago.

He was angry but it wasn't directed at me. He took his sausages and went home. He'll either call Dede and David or he'll forget about it and eat his dinner. I'll go over later for evening meds.

Alzheimer's is some nasty shit.

Packing, packing, packing!

Whee! Filling boxes with wreckless abandon! Wheeeee!

My back still hurts like a hurting thing but I can putter around and pack without bothering it too much. Yesterday I bought a big computer desk at Goodwill for $30. It'll be good to get rid of the door table we've been using. I took it straight to storage. Paige and Gabe met me there and helped me move it in. Man, it's heavy!

Today I'm going to work on the records. I finally got the right kind of boxes for them so I can box them up as I go along. I think I'll be able to finish that project today.

Boy, I wish I could get into the new house early so I could do stuff like measure the rooms for carpet and figure out paint colors. I'm getting more excited about the move. That little glow of happiness is getting brighter. But to really make it fly I'll need to get that perfect job that's waiting for me out there somewhere. I'll tackle that project after the first of the year.

Ok, enough goofing off. Go pack.

It ain't the ribs.

Dad has a compression fracture on one of his vertebra. It's not serious and will heal with time. So, there ya go.

We stopped at the box store on the way back. I should be set for a while. I gots lots.

Dean's right. Moving around does help my back feel better.

Ow, ow, ow! Damn, damn damn!

I pulled my back yesterday. I did the classic no-no. I picked up a heavy box and then twisted my torso. I felt it go "ping". Ten minutes later it hurt like hell. Oh well, at least I got one truckload off to Goodwill.

But now I'm out of commission. I can barely walk, let alone pack anything. Last night was interesting. I had to plan ahead for any bathroom visits. I dreamed I sprained my ankles. I started calling out for ice and tried to get up. When I couldn't I called out for Jim. That woke me up. I struggled up and sat there for a while. That was kind of a stunner. Jim wasn't there to help me.

Today I'm taking Dad to the doctor. His ribs still hurt from his big fall. He said the pain is better but it seems to be more in the front now. I can drive and walk ok, just a little slow. I can handle taking him to the doctor. Maybe I'll swing by the packaging store and get some big boxes.

Man, things are just falling apart around here. We have one functioning toilet, the back fence blew down and the septic blew up the other day. C'mon, house, hold it together. Just a few more weeks.

AAAIIEEEE!!!!!!

For the last few weeks I haven't been able to find my good glasses. You know, the prescription glasses I got at Costco? The ones that cost me a hundred bucks? DAD HAS THEM!!!!

I went over there just now to do evening meds. Laurie was there. She's one of the church ladies. She and Dad were watching a ball game. She had taken him to the grocery store. We all brought the groceries in from her car. Hoo boy. I appreciate her taking him but she doesn't know that there are certain things he can't handle cooking. Like eggs. Oh well.

After I gave him his pills we went back into the tv room and chatted a little. I saw my glasses sitting on his table. I picked them up and said, "Dad, I think these are my glasses." He immediately jumped into evil mode and raised his voice. "Those are MINE! I've had them for years!" I quickly put them down and said ok. I really didn't want to get into a fight in front of Laurie. Hopefully they'll still be there in the morning. Crap. They were filthy and the frame was a little bent. I didn't have hold of them long enough to see if they were scratched. I'm guessing yes.

So, I guess I'll need to get new glasses. I think I'll wait until after the move.

Trinkets

Today my job at Mickeys was demonstrating how to make Halloween party favors. Not party favors in general, just these little tins with clear lids that you can decorate for whichever holiday or party theme you want and fill with candy. It took me about 15 minutes to make five of them. So, what am I going to do, decorate the whole flipping box of tins for 2 3/4 hours?

I helped customers a lot. At one point I was called away from my table for a long time. When I got back this woman was sitting there just happily using the glue gun decorating a tin for her little boy. WTF??? Oh sure, if you see an unmanned demo table with supplies and a hot glue gun then of COURSE it's an open invitation to just have a seat and start crafting! When I explained to her that this was just a demo and not a class she was very apologetic. I was nice about it and even let her kid keep the tin and candy (probably got his snotty hands all over it anyway). But jeez! That was pretty stupid.

Yesterday I was supposed to demo the Versatool, which is kind of like a wood burning tool but with many more uses. I was supposed to carve one of the fake pumpkins with it. But the pumpkins are all coated with this orange paint that doesn't work at all well with the Versatool. The paint just gums up the hot point and creates toxic fumes. That demo sucked.

While I was doing that a woman came in and asked about my skeleton class. I said, "Sure!" and immediately put the burnt pumpkin away. I gathered up some supplies and set up class. Only we didn't have the right diameter of wire and NO paper twist, which is the main component of the Paper Twist Skeleton. I had to give her my supply of wire and paper twist. It was kind of embarrassing trying to pull it all together. She was very nice about it.

Hey, Odiens. She knows you guys. She's a Bojo (sp?)

We had a nice time and she went home with a good looking little skeleton. Then today the girl who is supposed to keep the paper twist stocked told me that they're discontinuing it! So much for my class. I cancelled what was left on the schedule and took down all the little skeletons that I had scattered around the store. It's actually a relief.

So, that does it for my Mickey's schedule. I'll still do demos here and there but I'm not going to commit to any classes until after the first of the year.

Kyle's here this weekend. He brought the kitties. It's nice to see them.

It's WINDY!

It's a house!

They accepted the offer! If things go as planned I'm moving to Laredo road on December 12th! Yeeee haw!

Three bedrooms, two baths, living room with fireplace, family room, office, sun room (art studio), remodeled kitchen, garage and great yards in a very good older neighborhood.

I can hardly believe it!

Go see it.

No, it is not actually inside the cemetery. It's up against a hill and the cemetery is on the other side.

I'll post more photos when I can get them. Probably not until moving day.

Making the offer

Today Dede and I went to Sherri's so Dede could sign the papers for the offer on the house. Sherri's been in contact with the owner's niece, who is also their realtor. She said they're anxious to get the deal done. Sherri thinks they'll accept the offer. Jeez, if they do we'll be getting a great deal on that house.

Escrow is supposed to close on December 12th. A wednesday! We'll have one day to move! Plus I want to get new carpet before we move in! Oh, dear.

I've been putting boxes into the storage unit. Now I'm thinking I need to get the furniture in there as well. Then if all goes according to plan I can move anything else into the garage while work is being done on the house. Man! Only one day to get everything out of here!

My emotions are all over the place. I'm happy that my job as main caregiver will soon be over. I'm happy I'm getting a house. But the reason all this is happening is my father is losing his mind. And if Jim was still alive I never would have asked for the house. I can't let go and be completely happy about this move. I'm working on it.

I really think this is going to be a fun house to play with. It's 1700 square feet, the biggest house I've lived in since leaving home. Man, for 31 years I've been living in houses that were too small. I think this one will work just fine. There are some things I want to do right away like replace the carpet and get the wallpaper down, but most of it I can live with for a while.

The yards are really nice. Lots of Kohl/Dudley potential there. Our friends, Michael and Teri, have the most adorable yard in the world. The last time I was there I took lots of pictures. Loads of inspiration there. I probably wouldn't do much in the front yard because it's established and it looks pretty good. The back yard is already pretty nice but it will be fun to rip out some of the old, spent landscaping and freshen the whole thing up with plants and art. I'm excited about that. And a patio. Gotta make a patio.

Drew brought Dad home this evening. We talked a little while about the trip. Drew looked pretty beat. I expected Dad to call and yell at me for cleaning out his closets. Dede did most of that work but I helped some. We got rid of a lot of stuff today. He never called. Maybe he was just too tired. I'm sure I'll hear about it tomorrow.

Wow. This is a pretty weird time. I think by February things should settle down.

Wednesday already!

I'm waiting around for the dumpster guy to get here. One got picked up already, I'm just waiting for the other one to go. Then I'll go to Ramona to paint the big fake tree they made. The tree that looks like an alien. Or a dolphin. Or a giant dildo with tyrannosaurus rex arms sticking out around the top. Giant French tickler? So, I gotta paint it to look like a dead tree. By tonight. It's going to be used for the Band Extravaganza performance.

I also have to go by Mickey's to see if anyone has signed up for tonight's class. I hope no one did. I have too much to do. This week got away from me.

October is half over and I haven't put up a single Halloween decoration.

I need coffee.

So far, a pretty interesting weekend.

Last night I went to Ken and Sherri's for an evening of good cheer. Did some drinking. Played some music. Laughed a lot. Man, I so appreciate my relationship with them. I feel so loved when I'm with them. Ken and I have a whole new bond. We understand each other's pain. Our musical relationship has changed. (Heh! Musical Relationship would be a good name for a band.) I always used to sing with Ken while he and Jim played. Well, now Jim's gone and I've learned to play the ukulele. Ken and I now play and sing together and it's reeeeally fun.

(I just went away for about 20 minutes)

Hoo boy. Just now I got blasted by a pretty big wave of grief. It was a very intense feeling of loss that just kind of snuck up on me. Needed to happen, I guess.

This morning we started filling up a dumpster. Dede and David, Stacey and Scotty, Hector and one of his guys and me. Muddy work! Boy, I sure do appreciate and admire my sibs. We were working hard and getting dirty and having just a jolly old time. Ever since this whole Alzheimer's thing began we've worked together as a team. Everyone always seemed to be on the same page. I think this experience has brought out the best in all of us.

(Ok, more crying)

At around noon I went to Mickey's. No one signed up for the class so I demoed (demo-ed?) for a couple of hours. Not much happened there. Another bad customer service incident happened. One of the floor associates watched me make a skeleton. She was on her break. A customer came up and said she'd been looking for her because she needed help with something. The sales associate looked at her and sneeringly said, "I'm on my lunch." After I picked my jaw up off the floor I asked the customer what she needed. She asked me some questions about paint and I told her what she should use and where she could find it. The sales trog stood there and interjected inane bullshit while the customer and I chatted and just plain ignored her. Puh!

After that I came home and hung out for a while. Then Dede, David and I met Sherri at the (hopefully) new house. Sherri had arranged for a showing. Grandma and Grandpa were there again and as soon as we walked through the door they treated the whole thing like it was a friendly visit. No, I don't want to visit, I want to see the house. Dede and Sherri were just brilliant. They sat in the kitchen and talked with the owners while I showed David around the house. Then on the way out to the yard I snagged Dede and gave her the tour. We were all able to get a good look at the house and keep Grandma and Grandpa occupied.

David and Dede both really like the house. Afterward we went back to Sherri's and went over the paperwork. There are a couple bits of information that we need before we can make an offer but that should all come together next week. Everyone's trying not to get emotionally nvolved but dang, we all want this house!

Then I came home to get ready to go to the Thrilling Adventure & Supernatural Suspense Hour show. I drove to Hollywood and met Lindsay and Kyle at the M Bar. Arica and Chris also came. Had a good dinner and saw a fun show. Not as good as last time but still pretty funny. And there were some brilliant moments.

And now I'm home. Tomorrow we fill another dumpster.

Hoo ha!

I rented a storage unit. It actually gave me a nice little jolt to do that. Makin' it real. The move is a-happenin'. I've already moved in the first truckload. Gonna do another one this afternoon.

Today Sherri is writing up an offer for the second house I'm trying for. It's quite a bit lower than what they're asking but we figure it's worth a try. They can always counter. This house is the mirror image of the other one. They've enclosed the patio to make a big family room and a small whatever room. The office has been turned into a dining room and the kitchen has been opened up. I really like the kitchen. I don't like the countertops but I could live with them for a while. The whole house has lots of Grandma wallpaper to deal with. It's 1700 sf. Just about the perfect size. Nice back yard, HUGE orange tree.

This would be a fun house to play with. The basics are all good. Lots of 1950's style, which I love. It's got great windows. I'd turn the dining room back into an office/music studio. The whatever room would be perfect as an art studio. Loads of light. The tv would be in the family room which would leave the living room tv free. I'd like that. The tile in the main bathroom is pink with burgundy trim. I can't decorate around that! Rip it out!

Ok. Stop doing this and go pack.

Oops, I did it again

Yesterday we were supposed to have a pumpkin class for adults but it turned into another free-for-all for little kids. The Martha Stewart kit got put on the high shelf in the classroom and we brought out the paint, chenille stems, puff balls and CRAP for kid's pumpkins. I was a little smarter this time. When I saw that people were looking at the more elaborate pumpkins I told them they'd have to purchase more supplies. They all meekly said, "Ok" and followed me around the store while I loaded them up. I'd say this time the kids were better behaved and some of the parents were more pushy. We were supposed to do pumpkins from 1 to 3 but the last person was there until 4:30. The manager was getting all pissy about how much time it was taking. I guess he somehow missed the twenty kids sitting around the table with wet pumpkins and wet glue and only two instructors to handle everything. I guess he just didn't see all that SHIT happening right before his eyes.

When I'm doing demos I don't wear the red Mickey's apron. So when I walk around the store I look like any other customer. If I see someone with a lost look I ask them if they need help and we go from there. Well! When I was doing the pumpkin thing was was wearing the red apron. It's like a big, shining beacon that says DEMAND THINGS OF ME. Actually, the customers were very nice, just needy and there were a lot of them. If I ever strayed from the pumpkin table to help someone get their supplies or to unlock the bathroom I'd end up helping four or five people at once. I LIKED that. I'd love to just hang out on the sales floor and be that person who zooms around helping many people at once. Really, they should just let me do that. They NEED me to do that. But they don't have the budget for that. That's why the manager was getting pissy about the time. They budget this much payroll for associates and this much for instructors and that's it, no matter what is actually happening IN the store.

And that's that wonderful corporate bullshit I love so much. Is it any surprise that they're based in Texas?

Last night I walked the Rube with Jeff. Good walk, good talk. This morning my ankles HURT. Being on my feet all day and then going for a long walk has made them grouchy. Suck it up, ankles!

Today, packing!

What I did today...

...I hope I never do again. It was three hours of hell. HELL, I tell you!

First I need to set a new policy for talking about work here. I'm not going to mention the store by name because they're touchy about employees saying bad things about the store in public and this is a public forum. On her blog Virginia talked about an auto parts store where she got some lousy service. Some guy contacted her on her blog and said his job is to scan the internet for any mention of this store's name. Since my store has a policy forbidding employees to publicly dis the chain I think it's possible that they too have an internet scanner dude. So, from now on I'm calling this place "Mickey's"

Today at Mickey's it was our job to help a shitload of whiny children paint fake pumpkins. It was freakin' nuts! At first we had everyone sit at tables out on the sales floor but that scene was quickly overwhelmed. So, we moved half of them into the classroom. Deborah, the woman who usually handles the kid stuff, took the group on the sales floor and I took the classroom group. We were running back and forth with paints, brushes, chenille stems, glitter, fun foam, wiggly eyes and whatever ELSE the little darlings wanted to slap on their pumpkins. I'd say about half of the kids were very good. Half of them were merely bratty and three of them were champion whiners (with volume). Those three were in the classroom. Oh my god.

Deborah had brought her two kids. The boy is about 14 and the girl is maybe 10. The boy was a huge, sulking, reeking complainer. The girl just complained. Almost every time I needed to move somewhere in the room it seemed I had to squeeze my way past B.O. boy who acted like it was a major inconvenience that I even existed.

Out in front was a display of some elaborately decorated pumpkins which were, I guess, supposed to serve as inspiration. Well, these kids wanted to do their pumpkins EXACTLY like the display pumpkins. That would have involved their parents purchasing a lot of extra materials and several hours of gluing and painting. I don't know how many times we had to tell them no, you can't do that one. Kind of unfair, really.

I spent a lot of time manning the glue gun. It's a cordless glue gun that sits on a base to heat up. I was running around with it so much that it kept cooling off and I'd have to set it back on the base and wait for it to heat up again. But people kept wanting to use it so they'd just grab it and take off. It was really hard to keep it heated.

Some of the kids applied so much paint to their pumpkins that it took forever to dry. So they had to stop working on them. So they got bored. And started whining. Parents were sitting around the tables fanning their kid's pumpkins.

When Lindsay and Paige were in elementary school I'd go to their classes and do arts and crafts with the kids. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because I could say to a surly kid, "I don't have to let you do this. If you don't pay attention or if you complain you can go back to your desk." That always had the desired affect. But there's no way I could have told any of these children that today. I'm always kind of shocked when I see parents putting up with that kind of behavior from their kids. They try to appease them which only makes it worse. There were times today when I wanted to get into a kid's face and yell SHUT UP!!!

For this I missed uke group.

I'm doing the same thing tomorrow, only with adults. But you KNOW some of them are going to bring their kids.

Jesu H. Christo!

The sooner we get the hell out of here the better!

I was sitting here computering and I heard an alarm go off. It was hard to figure out where it was coming from. It almost sounded like it was coming from down the street. I went into the house but it wasn't ours. Then I headed next door. Bingo.

I could smell smoke as I approached Dad's back door. He was trying to make a phone call. I went in and opened his oven. He was heating up a bowl of food on the top rack using the broiler. I turned it off and then looked for the alarm. I didn't remember that Jim had installed one in the kitchen. I just remembered there was one in the hallway. Oh, man! Those alarms are omnipresent! You really can't tell where the sound is coming from. I finally found it on the wall above the phone. I had a hard time getting it off the wall and ended up knocking it off and sending the batteries flying. Cripes!

Dad kept trying to help. I had to keep telling him to stay away from the oven. He actually almost reached in to touch the heating element! He was trying to tell me what had happened and couldn't find the right word so he reached for the still-glowing element. Of course he acts like it's no big deal. I told him he shouldn't be using the oven. I just remembered, I should check his lower oven. Once we found cans of Coke stored in there.

His alarm is supposed to be connected to ours but it didn't go off this time. I'd better check our batteries.

When I went to his house his car lights were on. Talk about surreal. The car lights are on, there's an alarm screaming and I smell smoke. Cue the Psycho violins. Anyway, I don't know what's going on with the car. He said that Drew had been working on it. Maybe he's trying to run the battery down so Dad can't drive it. Now that the alarm was taken care of Dad turned his attention to the car.

I had had some lasagna for dinner so I came home and put some in a bowl for Dad. When I took it back over I took him into the bathroom for evening meds. I tried to get him to eat but he wanted to mess with the car. He called just now asking if I had keys. I lied and told him I didn't.

(A bit later. I just had a wonderful, long conversation with Michele.)

Dad called again and said he's giving up on the car. I guess he talked to Drew. Whew! I'm so glad we'll be finished with this soon. I've been getting more and more concerned about Dad living on his own. I think it's going to end at just the right time. He seems to be more willing to go along with the move, even though he gripes about being kept out of the loop. He'll have the right kind of care in the right kind of place. He'll eat better and he'll have more social interaction.

And, yes, it'll be better for me. We've been here for four and a half years. I never thought I'd be doing this! When we moved back here our plan was so different. I think we got Dad's AD diagnosis about 6 months after we got here. Everything changed then. We became caregivers. We were dealing with depression (mine and Jim's). We started a business that never went anywhere, partly because of Dad's situation. We just got so bogged down. Then things started to get better for a couple months. Then we lost Jim. This has been the weirdest fuckin' year of my life! The girls and I have been dealing with our loss and working on building this new life all while living next door to Dad, who has been losing his mind at an accelerated rate.

Another huge life change is looming. I hope this is it for a while. I'd like to cruise for a few years, ok?

The plan as I understand it.

And I could be wrong.

Due to a serendipitous error we will not be waiting around here for another tree season. We all feel like things were getting dragged out anyway and Dad seems to be ready (sort of) to move so we're moving up the escrow date to the middle of December. Things have been set into high gear big time.

The house in the Odien's old neighborhood is pending sale. So, it's fairly certain that we won't be able to get it. But you never know. It's a disappointment because it's a wonderful house and the price was as good as it gets in that neighborhood. Sherri and I looked at a lot of houses and that one was by far the best. We'll know in a couple weeks if that sale is going to go through. In the meantime we'll keep looking.

I'm going to rent a storage unit and start filling it with our stuff. That way if I don't find a house in time there won't be a big panic about moving. I'm also going to let my boss at Michael's know what's going on. I'm going to have too much going on here to put much time and energy into an iffy job.

We're gioing to continue with the cleaning. Next weekend I'm going to rent two huge dumpsters. Drew and Mindy are taking Dad to Texas so we'll be free to throw things away with wreckless abandon. I have to finish going through the records. Andy's friend never got back to me. I guess I'll call him and see if he's still interested in taking some of them.

The next few weeks are going to be awesomely crazy and filled with LOTS of hard work. I'll be a packing fool. Today I took a look inside the storage trailer and got overwhelmed. I couldn't make a decision about anything. I closed it up and started packing up garage stuff. I think I'll feel better once I'm actually getting stuff out of here and into a storage unit. There's so much to do everywhere I look that it's easy to get stuck.

It's hard to believe it's actually going to happen. We're leaving the farm. Everything that's here will be gone. It's time to let go. Everything is going to be so crazy that there won't be time to deal with all the emotions that are sure to come up. We'll have to make sure we treat each other kindly during this time.

Or else.

Freaking out a little here...

I just talked to David. It looks like we'll be moving much earlier than planned. This is a good thing but I'm thrown. I'll post more later when things are a little more decided. But for now, EEEEKKK!!!!!!

Stuff

Yesterday I experimented with some casting resin. Ooh, fun stuff. A long time ago Dean sent me some unused bottle caps. I took five of them and scraped colored chalk into them until I had a little pile of color in each one. Then I mixed up some resin and poured it into the caps. Then I stirred them (carefully) until the chalk dust was well mixed. I set those aside. I had a bit of resin left over so I decided to see what else could be imbedded in it. Sometimes things will discolor in resin. I rubber stamped an image with gold ink on a piece of paper and dropped it in. I also put in some flakes of acrylic paint for color. Both of these things worked just fine. It gave me an idea for a fun little art piece.

The casting worked really well. I guess my measuring and mixing were just right. Today I'm going to finish the bottle caps by imbedding some trinkets in clear resin. When those are set I'll drill holes in them and string them up as a funky necklace. If it all turns out I'll develop it into a Michael's class.

Yesterday I also made the first steps of a spooky mirror frame. This is another class idea. I made some fake bones out of air dry clay. Then I cut a frame out of some foam core. I set the frame on a board covered with newspaper. Then I squirted on some spray foam insulation. While it was still wet I embedded the bones and some big round beads for eyeballs. The foam expanded up around the bones and eyeballs. It worked pretty well except some of the bones sunk down too far into the foam. Right now it doesn't look like much but when it's painted it'll look like a bunch of gross body parts with bones and eyeballs sticking out. Then I'll attach the mirror. A lovely addition to anyone's Halloween decor.

I'll also do a monster version and a Hellmouth version. It's a pretty fun project although I'd consider it to be advanced. I love that spray foam!

On Sunday Jeff, Bill and I performed at Eden Lutheran Church for their 119th anniversary celebration. We just played ukuleles and sang some songs. It was pretty cool. First they had a potluck lunch. Then some people got up and told stories of their experiences at Eden. One woman, who was the most enjoyable speaker, was 97 years old. I could have listened to her all afternoon. She had been at Eden since she was very young. They actually used to have services there in Swedish.

After the eating and storytelling we performed. I think we did ok although I'm never satisfied with my performances. We didn't have sound, just one mike that was placed way too far. Jeff and Bill can really project and I just can't match them without pushing. So I don't think I sang as well as I wanted to. But the audience enjoyed the show and at the end they took up a collection. We made $94!

Some of the folks from Hope were there. The big treat of the day was seeing Albert and Elise Maas. I haven't seen them in at least 15 years. Elise was one of Mom's best friends. They are such dear people.

Afterward Jeff and Bill and I drove to Claremont to the folk music center. Bill bought a uke for one of his students. After that we had dinner at a restaurant down the street. It was a very enjoyable day. I always have fun hanging out with those guys.

Today I'm going back to Ramona to work on the bridge prop. Jeez, I hope I can finish it today! Tomorrow night is my first class. This morning I'm going to Michael's to see if anyone has signed up. I'm going to hang up some skeletons and cards around the store. If I don't get any sign ups by tomorrow morning I'm going to cancel the class.

Dad was really foggy last night. He was trying to tell me about some trouble he was having but he barely made sense. He's better this morning.

It's a beautiful day. The weather is just dreamy.

Hmmmm.....

I've got to figure out how to make this Michael's thing work. Yesterday wasn't what I'd hoped it would be.

First we had a meeting of all the instructors. Then we dragged some tables and chairs out to the sales floor and set up for the demos. We were all scrunched in, two or three to a table, in this dead area of the store. Everyone set to work making their stuff. And yapping. Now, everyone was very nice but if I were a customer I would feel uncomfortable checking out the demos while everyone was having a conversation around me. People just weren't coming over to look at what we were doing. I think I handed out three flyer cards yesterday.

These women were kind of overbearing and loud. Really, I'd rather sit at a table by myself and chat quietly with customers on my own. I don't need someone else hawking my wares. But how do I say I want to sit away from them without offending everyone? There was one woman there, who was a new instructor, who had brought her own table and was sitting off to one side. At first I felt bad that she wasn't included with the rest of us but I quickly changed my mind. Lots of people stopped and talked to her.

The best part of my day was when I got up to get some supplies and saw some customers looking kind of lost. I asked them if they needed help finding something and they said YES like they were grateful for the help. I helped them find what they needed and sent them happily on their way. Then I saw another lost-looking person and helped her. I'm not really supposed to do that but damn, I can't ignore someone who obviously needs help. Almost all of my past jobs were in retail and I really did enjoy helping customers. So, I've got to find a way to blend teaching classes, promoting my classes and interacting with customers.

I can really see how having my Michaels blog will help promote my classes. My flyer cards will be very useful as mailers. Tracie said she makes up 500 calendar sheets a month and people take them but don't sign up for classes. We need to figure out how to fix that. There are big display boards that advertise the classes but I think they look kind of shabby. I'm going to be thinking about how to make that whole thing look better. There's a big tv that they have in the classroom. Maybe we can move it out into the store and run a slideshow on it.

Ooh! How about a locking display case that showcases student's work? At the paint-it-yourself ceramics place in Santa Rosa they had a shelf in the front window where they displayed the best stuff that their customers made. It was always kinda fun to check and see if any of our stuff made it to the shelf (it always did).

Ok, that's it. I need to take a tour around gallery stores and such to see how they display their stuff. I think that's the attitude we need to take about this stuff. Present the pieces as something you might want to buy instead of having them look like dowdy crafty items. I'll drag Tracie along. I think the whole thing needs a fundamental shift.

Blogging is good. It helps me think.

Be a swan

Last night at Joe's we had a fun waitress. She was quite jolly and joked around a lot. When she brought us our drinks the tray was heavy with four large glasses and our cucumber salads. After she unloaded the tray she shook her arm. I said, "Yeah, that must have been pretty heavy." She said, "My mother always told me you must be like a swan. Above the surface, grace and beauty. Below, lots of kicking and hard work." We all thought that was a pretty cool metaphor.

I was thinking about that on my walk this morning. I am awesome. I woke up at 5 and decided that after last night's huge sushi dinner and birthday cake and ice cream the best thing I could do for myself would be to get my ass up the Rube. I'm so glad I did that. Anyway, I was thinking about what being a swan would look like for me. I've been working a lot on getting ideas for future Michael's classes. I've got one that's completely ready to go and another one that I'm developing. I've thought about how I want to present myself, how I'm going to dress. One one episode of The Office there was a scene where the women all had a meeting with the power bitch from corporate. She told them, "Don't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want." I know that saying has been around for a long time but I hadn't heard it in a while. Apparently none of the women at Michael's has ever heard it. I think it makes a lot of sense. I already have some nice clothes but I'm going to buy more.

As I was walking and thinking about all this I passed a couple of women on their way up. We smiled and said good morning. Then one of them made power fists and said, "VICTORY OF THE DAY!!" Yes, getting up that mountain that early in the morning was my victory of the day. Now I had a new phrase to think about.

So, be a swan and have a victory every day. I can cruise with that for a while.

Happy Birthday to me!

Fifty-one. Been a legal drinker for 30 years.

Lots of exciting things planned for today. After doing morning meds with Dad I'm going to Michael's to pick up supplies for the class I'm developing. Then I'm off on a whirlwind tour of Home Depot to buy paint and supplies for the big birthday bash I have planned. Tonight I'm painting a big prop for Ramona's band! I'll be whisked away to the football field where the fake bridge will be waiting for me to apply my artistic genius making masonite look like slats of wood. I can hardly wait! I'm gonna party down with some of the A-list band parents. I'm so looking forward to the witty conversations we'll have. I can never get enough of listening to people bitch about each other. It's gonna be an exciting night and the sore back I'll have tomorrow will be totally worth it. Hey, if you're gonna have fun you gotta pay the piper.

But it'll be hard to top last year's birthday. I still think the best way to celebrate an important milestone birthday is to dig up a broken water pipe with your crazy dad. Drew was there too but all he did was act sane and do a bunch of work. Boooorrrrriinnnggggg!

Tomorrow night the girls are taking me out for sushi. I guess I'll put up with it just to make them happy.

Dad

Slipping fast. Last night Drew called and said he was bringing Dad home. They had gone out to a game. He said Dad needed a pain pill ASAP. I took some of his prescription Motrin over. I made Dad half a salami sandwich and set one pill out and put the other in a little plastic bag with a note in it about when to take it. That's my little system for leaving pills with him. I have these tiny ziplocks that I use for my vitamins. I'll put pills in them and insert a little note. I also made him half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich so he could have food handy for the middle-of-the-night dose.

When they got there Dad was good and surly. He's been in pain for about a week because of a shoulder strain. The doc gave him Motrin, which has to be taken with food. It also takes a bit longer to start working than the Vicodin I was giving him. Dad kept saying he wanted me to leave him all of his pain pills. He of course got really mad at me. I was trying to explain to him why I couldn't do that and about him needing to eat when he takes the pills. Drew tried to step in and help but Dad said, "You don't know what she does. She's always doing this." He and I both stayed calm and I kept explaining about what he needed to do.

I gave Dad the salami sandwich. It was weird watching him eat. Almost like a dog, stuffing it in and biting hard. So much anger. He took a pill. Then we went into the bathroom to take his evening meds. I brought the peanut butter sandwich with me and set it on the counter with the second pill in a ziplock with instructions. We went round and round with me explaining about when to take it, why he can't have the rest of the pills, no, leave the sandwich for later when you take the next pill, no don't take it now, just follow the instructions, no, don't eat the sandwich now, you just had one, no don't take the pill now, you just had one... His hands were grabbing.

This morning I gave him another pain pill and made sure he ate some cereal with it. Then we went into the bathroom for morning meds. Last night's pill was still there with the sandwich. Again, more explaining. I gave him two more pills in ziplocks. He said he was going out after church and needed pills that he could take with him. Who knows what will happen with those pills?

His whole way of being has changed. He's more angry, more vacant. His attention span is much shorter than it was. It can be measured in seconds now. I'm wondering if maybe he shouldn't go out with the church ladies anymore. They might not be able to handle him. His confusion is constant. I know we're getting down to the last few months but I think he should go into assisted living as soon as possible.

Things are getting pretty bad pretty fast.

More stuff

Had a good band practice with Ken and John last night. It's the first time we've played together since John's surgery. He looks pretty damn good for a guy who's had a big chunk of his face taken off. He showed us photos of the surgery. Man, they cut a big ol' hole in his cheek and jaw. The scars will mostly be hidden in his beard.

It was a fun night. The three of us are sounding pretty good. The vocals are strong, especially on Tell Him.

We're going to hold off on making an offer on the house. We're going to submit a letter stating our interest and ask the seller if they'll let us know if someone makes an offer that they're considering. We may come up with a better one. In the meantime I'll keep looking. Still, I'd love to get this house.

Yesterday I called Michael's to see if Tracie has gotten back from vacation and if she's seen the samples I left for her. The woman I left them with never told her about them (grrr...). She left the phone to go get them. I could hear her on the way back saying, "Oh these are sooo CUTE!" I'm going there today to fill out paperwork so I can start. Yay!

This morning I went to Ramona to work on painting a big prop piece for the band's field show. It's raining so that will have to wait. On the way home I saw two people standing over a small dog that was laying by the side of the street. The dog had been hit by a car and was still alive. I turned around and went back to see if I could help. Poor thing was laying on the cold, wet street struggling to breathe. I got a box out of the back of my car and we moved him onto it and lifted him up to the sidewalk. The young man who had stopped covered the dog with his under shirt and the woman ran home, grabbed a towel and covered the dog with it. While she was home she called animal control. We all stood around and waited. The dog lived for about 20 minutes and then died. Poor little dude. We waited a little longer for animal control but they were just taking too long. The man (his name was Damon) had been walking to work when he came upon the dog. I gave him a ride to work and then came home. As I drove back past the dog I saw the animal control truck. That guy's going to find a little red dog laying on a flattened box covered with a tank shirt and a towel.

It was kind of a weird scene. The woman was very nice but she kept patting the dog as it was convulsing and saying, "It's ok, baby. Just go to heaven. You're already there. You can meet my Poppa and he'll take you for a walk." Damon and I just looked at each other like, whoa, this is a little nuts. I was wondering if the dog was thinking, "Jeez, lady, I'm dyin' here. Leave me the hell alone!"

Ok. I guess I'll see what I can get done before I leave to go to Michael's. It's raining. What a nice sound.

Stuff

This afternoon I walked around the barnyard and the junk yard checking out the garbage situation. Hoo boy, there's still a lot of stuff out there. Like, really a lot. If we're going to do it ourselves we'll need to hire some help. I don't know. It might be better to have the grader deal with it. I wonder how much it would cost?

I went past the dirt pile where we buried Maggie. Some critter has dug her up. The carcass is almost completely exposed. I think this answers the question of why Boz smells so bad. I think he's been rolling on Maggie. Cripes! We need to cover her up again.

Then I went into the barn and started going through the records. Found some more gems. It's going to be fun listening to this stuff. It's supposed to rain for the next few days. I need to get some tarps to cover the records. That roof looks pretty leaky.

Going through those records is dirty work. I need to clean them before I move them to the new house.

Dad says his arm is still hurting him. I called the VA to get an appointment.

This dirty woman needs a shower.

Toenails

This morning when I went to Dad's I found him sitting at the kitchen desk with a knife in his hand, bloody fingers and a cut on his toe. He was using a penknife to slice his toenails off. After some discussion I was informed that he's been doing this all his life. That's how these things always go. Dad does something dangerous and stupid and when we try to tell him he shouldn't do those things he says he's been doing it his whole life, which is another way of saying "buzz off".

I reminded him that he's diabetic and any foot injuries, no matter how small, are cause for concern. I told him that he's had foot infections before that had started off as small and in less than a day flared up into something serious. We went into the bathroom and poured hydrogen peroxide on the cut. When he lifted his pant leg I could see his ankle was discolored with many dark blue veins just under the skin. He said, "A few days ago this was all black, all the way up my leg." Then he said that his left armpit has been hurting him. So, I don't know. I just called Dede and told her all this so she can ask David about it. When I go over to do evening meds I'll have another look at his foot.

On a happier note...

This morning Lindsay saw Spiral in the back yard. He escaped Friday night and we hadn't seen him since. So, hooray, we know he's still kickin'. We're going to keep Lindsay's window open and we've set up a table in front of it so he can get up there when he's ready. Lindsay put a bowl of food on the windowsill.

Yesterday afternoon Sherri and I went house hunting. I saw one that I really liked in their neighborhood. The only problem is the lot. It's an odd shape, kind of a pie wedge, and it's almost all front yard. A huge expanse of grass. Seriously, I'd have to buy a rider mower to maintain it and the water bill would be ridiculous. The back yard is a nice size. I could make it work if I took out most of the front lawn and replaced it with some kind of non-thirsty ground cover.

We looked at another house that's in the same price range and is in a nice neighborhood. As soon as we opened the front door we were almost knocked out by the smell of generations of spraying cats. This house was majorly effed up. The garage had been weirdly converted in to a bedroom with a full bathroom. We'll call that one a "no".

Yippee yahoo!!! Lindsay just caught Spiral! He'll go to Kyle's tonight and when Ink gets her stitches out she'll go live with them. I'm back down to three cats!!! So, now when we move we'll have 3 cats (one of them is almost feral), 2 rabbits and 2 dogs. Probably 3 dogs since it looks like I'll be taking Lady. But since she's pretty old she won't be with us for too long. Ok, good, my animal situation is getting better.

Sherri and I are going out again this afternoon. We saw some good-looking houses on the MLS last night. She's having an office meeting this morning so she'll ask about how to work the deal so I can move in a couple months early and pay rent until the purchase money becomes available. Things are looking up.

Now I'm just waiting for that call from Michael's...

Puppy party

Yesterday Bill and Virginia had a party at their house. It was supposed to be a party for their niece and nephew but it turned into a puppy free-for-all. And it was cool!

A few months ago they got a new dog, Mocha. A few weeks later they learned she was pregnant. She had 6 puppies. Bill and Virginia kept one and found homes for the rest of them with Jeff and some of their friends. Yesterday all but one of the puppies came to the party with their humans. It was hilarious! These guys are 3 1/2 months old now and just as cute as can be. It was like moving through a river of puppies. And it was so fun watching them play. At one point one of them discovered an empty water bottle and pretty soon they all wanted to play with it.

Lots of people and lots of good food. Bill barbequed burgers and dogs, there was a pasta salad, veggies, beans and snackies.

Here's my bean recipe. The amounts are approximate because I usually don't measure when I'm throwing this together. I use canned beans. If they come in a sauce I use it. If they're canned with water, drain them.

1 large can baked beans
1 large can kidney beans
1 can each of black beans, butter beans, white beans, pinto beans
1 can of tomatoes
1 large yellow onion, chopped and browned in olive oil
1 package Jimmy Dean sausage (any flavor)
1/4 cup of apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup of brown sugar
1/4 cup of molasses
1/2 cup of ketchup
a splash of Tobasco

Brown the sausage and drain. Combine with the rest of the ingredients and bake at 350 degrees for about an hour. It might take longer. When the sauce is thickened they're done.

That was a great party. Bill and Jeff's sister, Pam, was visiting. It was nice to see her. I wish we'd had more time. I enjoyed talking to Bill and Virginia's friends. They know some very nice people.

And the puppies were awesome.

The sibs

Photos just because

Click on the photos to enlarge.


This is how the Langs do the Rose Parade. Rent someone's front yard, bring two big trucks, put bleachers on them and invite the whole church to come along.


Doni the flower girl.


Mom and Dede. Beautiful woman, cute baby.


One of our wedding pictures. My mom made all the dresses and Jim's shirt. What a great day.


Peace cake. This is an old photo from one of our family albums. 1940's I think.

I think I'll do this every once in a while. Now that I know how to post photos it'll be fun to show some of the more interesting ones.

Overdue Photos

Miss Ink


Paige in a bunny cage.


Bozzie bullet head.

The first workshop

It's gonna be this little guy.

But rats! Most of my photos are out of focus! I didn't know it until I imported them into iPhoto. I'll have to make another one! Next time I'll take several pictures of each step. I want to use them to make instruction sheets that the students can take home.

Making this first one was a very useful exercise. I should have timed it, though. I think it took about 2 hours. I made detailed notes of each step. The last time I made one of these was when I worked with the kids in Paige's 4th grade class. This was good for refreshing my memory and refining the steps. It also showed me that I need to get a new quarter inch drill bit before teaching this class.

I'm probably going to make several of these little skeletons. Each one will be just bit better than the last.

A happy conversation

Today I called John to see how his surgery went. I actually didn't expect to talk to him. I figured he'd still be in the hospital and I'd get an update from his wife. I was pretty surprised when he answered the phone. Surprised and SO happy that he could talk!

The cancer was on his face. There are so many ways it could have played out, one of them being that they'd have to cut into his tongue and he'd lose the ability to speak. But it didn't go that way. He said they took off half of his face (Really? Half?) but it was mostly skin and the cancer had well-defined margins. They're 98% sure he is now cancer free. No chemo, no radiation.

But the best part was hearing his cheery voice. This has been weighing on him for the last several weeks. Ken and I both noticed that he seemed much more subdued. Phone calls were short and normally phone conversations with John NEVER lasted less than half an hour! Today I talked to the John we all know and love.

He said he was awake for the whole procedure! AND his brother was there and took pictures! So gather 'round, everyone! Popcorn! Slide show!

We're so happy that he can just get on with it now. I'm looking forward to playing music with this wonderful man who is now just a little bit more funny-looking than he was before.

Jump into the deep end

Last week I picked up an application from Michael's. I had also applied online but since they had a Now Hiring sign in their window I figured I'd give it a try. This morning Lindsay helped me print out some stuff that I could include as a mini portfolio. This afternoon I took it to Michael's. I saw one of the sales gals talking to a woman about classes. After she was finished I asked her if I could leave my application with her. She looked it over and was very impressed with the photos. She took me into the back room for an interview! Turns out she's the coordinator for the workshops. She wants to fast track my application through and hire me as an instructor! Ka-boinnnggg!!!

She had me take this weird-ass management test with questions like "I used to steal from my former employers but I don't anymore. Agree? Disagree?" I also had to sign a form giving them permission to dig into my sordid past. That stuff will take a week to process. Also, she's going on vacation next week so she'll call me when she gets back.

So, here's the deal as I understand it. I have to develop my own workshops. I get to keep 90% of what I charge. I have to promote my workshops and pull the students in myself. That means sometimes I have to sit in the store and demo what I'm going to teach. I'd also be a Michael's associate and work the floor helping customers and stocking shelves. When I'm doing that I get paid $8 an hour.

So... I guess I have a job! I need to get to work putting some workshops together!!! EEK!!! I had already been working on developing some workshops for Rancho Curioso so I'm kinda already halfway there. I just need to streamline and refine and figure out how to present this stuff in a two-hour class. This week I'm going to dig into the Halloween stuff and get out some of my old projects. I'm going to go through ALL of my stuff and see what can easily be turned into a workshop. I'm also going to attend some of the Michael's workshops to see how other instructors present their classes. I've got to pull this together FAST!

I'm kind of stunned.

I don't know if I should believe him on this...

This morning I closed up Dad's house and turned on the AC. Just now when I went over there to do evening meds the AC was off and the house was wide open. I didn't think he'd just leave it on. I told him I was there to help him with his pills. He said he had started looking for them at 4:00 but couldn't find them. Of course they were right where they should be.

As I was leaving he said, "I've been trying to fix these lights here." He pointed to the lights in the tv room. That's when I noticed the ladder. "I've been crawling around all over up there". I said, "Up where?" He said, "Up there! In the attic." I said, "WHEN?" He said, "Just now. I just got out."

I told him he should NOT be up in the attic. I also told him he shouldn't be up on a ladder. He did his usual cocky I've-been-doing-it-my-whole-life thing. Now, the ladder that was in the tv room was a small, step ladder. If that's the one he used to get into the attic I don't know how the hell he did it. But if he really is climbing up into the attic we need to do something about it. I'm going to try to steal that ladder.

I've been waiting for something like this to happen. His judgment is like, gone.

Happy Birthday, Dean!!!!!

Pills

Last night I called Dad to remind him to take his evening meds. Fifteen minutes later he called back and said he couldn't find his pills. He said there were no pills, not even the bottles, in the bathroom. I told him to go look in the blue bathroom. We recently changed bathrooms because the sinks in the pink bathroom are hopelessly clogged. He had forgotten. No surprise there. Then he called back and said they weren't in the blue bathroom either. He said he had searched whe whole house.

This has happened before. Even though there's no reason why he should move his pill box off the bathroom counter, sometimes he decides to carry it around the house. I usually find it in his office, sometimes with the pills rearranged. I told him not to worry about it and we'll look for them in the morning. I was wondering how he could lose the pill box AND the bottles.

This morning the first thing I did was check the blue bathroom. Everything was right where it should be. The evening dose was in a pile on the counter right next to the box. When I asked him about it I got all kinds of goofy answers. He said the box had been "put away someplace". I asked him about the evening pills and he said, "Someone got them out". I didn't press it any further. He really had no idea at all what had happened with the pills. But it looked to me like he had gotten out the evening dose and then didn't know what he was supposed to do with them. Usually when I ask him about things eventually he'll remember. I can kind of guide him with my questions and jog his memory. This morning he didn't even try to think it out. He just threw out an answer.

This fogginess had a different quality to it. Usually when we go through the pill thing he has some kind of explanation of the why and how, even though it might not be right. He does goofy things but he always has a reason. This morning he really just didn't know and he didn't care. I wish I had a video of him wandering around his house last night looking for the pills. Did he go into the blue bathroom and see the box sitting on his counter but didn't recognize it? He had called me three times to tell me he couldn't find it.

I know this is a long post to describe one little event but the way he was this morning has me a little worried. He's different today. He's disinterested. He doesn't care. And it's not because I upped his meds because I only did that yesterday and he didn't have the evening dose. So, no more evening phone calls. I have to go over there.

So, ok.