Monday, October 29, 2007

There's no way to make it ok

Dede and David are going to get an angry phone call from Dad.

He called a while ago. He wanted to cook something but he couldn't figure out how. I went over there to see what he was trying to do. He had some sausages in a bowl. He had turned the oven on but thankfully he'd turned the temperature knobs all the way down. I turned them off. His microwave is pretty messed up. The latch that opens it is broken. I didn't want him trying to cook it on the stove top so I told him I'd take them home and cook them at my house. He said he wanted to know how so he followed me home.

As soon as we got here he started asking me all kinds of questions about the farm sale and the move. It always happens this way. He starts asking questions, I try to answer them as best I can and he gets angry because he says nobody has told him anything. I'm sure all of this has been explained to him and he's gotten copies of all the papers (well, most of them) but he forgets and he loses any piece of paper you give him. No matter how many times I explained everything he wouldn't accept it. He wants to stop the sale. I told him it's too late. He wants to meet with the buyer and tell him what he wants done with the land. I told him that when the time comes the buyer will take possession and it's up to him to decide what he's going to do with the land, just like when Dad bought the property from the previous owner. We went round and round. He wants to fire his doctors so he can have some other doctor tell him he's perfectly fine. He said he can't believe the way his own family is treating him.

While he was sitting there ranting I just felt so sad for him. Throughout his whole life he was pretty successful. He owned several businesses. He bought this place when he was in his mid-forties. He really was a very smart man and he knew it. So I can see how it's impossible for him to believe his mind doesn't work the way it used to. He thinks he's doing really well and he can't understand why it's all been taken out of his hands. And when you explain it to him he either doesn't accept it or he forgets what you just said to him two minutes ago.

He was angry but it wasn't directed at me. He took his sausages and went home. He'll either call Dede and David or he'll forget about it and eat his dinner. I'll go over later for evening meds.

Alzheimer's is some nasty shit.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Poor guy. What if you took this tack: "Dad, this is all working out just like you planned it. Your land is going to take care of you for the rest of your life."

--dean

vivage said...

Will he remember tomorrow if today you just agreed to whatever asks?

My friend Karen used to tell her MIL how it really was (that her husband was dead and didn't she remember this and that happened) and all it did was get her angry. She began to just play along and that helped sooth her. That situation played over and over daily.

Donita Curioso said...

Dean- He might accept that if he wasn't so paranoid about what his kids are doing.

Virginia- We do play along with his but it doesn't always work. Sometimes when we agree with him he accuses us of lying or breaking our promises. I think things are just going to be the way they are until he gets moved into assisted living.

No matter what, it's going to be hard. Hell, it's already hard.