Tuesday, July 31, 2007

First thing in the morning

Dad's riled up this morning. I called him like I always do to see if he's up and ready for me to come over. He started going off about the dumpster. First he yelled, "When's that truck going to be out of here?" I told him it's a dumpster. He said, "Well, if YOU want to call it that you can if you're that stupid." I said, "Go out there and look at it and then come tell me if there's a truck attached to it." Jeez.

He was going off in all directions about it. I told him it's being picked up today. He said, "Well, make sure it is! It's been here for 2 weeks!" Dad has two ways of measuring time. It's always either two weeks or forty years.

I went over there to do meds. He pointed to the stacks of files that are on his dining room table and said, "That's more CRAP I have to deal with." As we walked to the bathroom he said, "Don't mess with that stuff downstairs, it belongs to someone else." I told him that we know about that. He said, "Hey, I KNOW you people get snoopy. That stuff isn't yours so just leave it alone!" I said, "We're just working on the barns. We're not touching anything in the house. But she needs to know that she can only store it here until January."

"What happens in January?!?!"
"That's when we leave."

We told him, right? Then he really got mad. "They told me I could live here a long time! Where's the money?!? I haven't seen any MONEY!!!!" He went on and on.

I opened the slider to check on his dog. "She's fine! You don't have to check on her! I take good care of that dog!" I ignored him and acted like I just wanted to play with her. She came bounding up acting all cute and peppy. That seemed to calm him down. We sat outside for a while petting Lady and talking to her. When I left he seemed ok but still on the edge.

Jeez-o-friggin'-pete! What set him off this morning??? He missed his meds last night so he didn't get his chill pill. But he's missed them before and it wasn't a problem. His blood sugar was 167. A little high but not enough to make him this crazy. When we were cleaning last week he was horrible. I wonder if having those stacks of files on his table is a constant reminder of what we were doing?

Counting down the days.

Sunday, July 29, 2007


First let me say that Boz did not get shot in the head. It just looked like it.

This evening I was sitting on the front porch playing solitaire. Boz was running around in the Christmas trees. I could hear his tags jingling in the dark. After a little while he came walking out of the trees and stood next to the driveway. He was acting strange. He stood in a hunched over position which made me think he might be constipated. I called him but he wouldn't come. When he finally came up to the porch I saw that he had a perfectly round wound on his head. My heart lurched.

I took him in the house and had everyone look at him. He had a larger, bullet-sized hole and a smaller one an inch away. They looked like entrance and exit wounds. I hadn't heard a gunshot and I didn't hear him yelp but it was pretty noisy out there so I could have missed it. There are a couple of loud parties in the neighborhood. I thought maybe someone had been drinking and decided to shoot something and that something was Boz. I called Virginia to ask her where the emergency vet was. Paige and I hopped in the car and took Bozzie to the vet.

We waited about an hour. It was pretty busy. Boz was acting quite normal by this time (and by "normal" I mean he wanted to attack any dog that got close to him). When the vet finally examined him he said he didn't think it was a gunshot wound. He took him back to shave the area and clean it up a little. When his assistant brought Boz back there were THREE wounds and none of them were deep. Boz must have run into something at full speed. My stupid, effing dog did this to himself!

So, now his head is shaved around a perfect triangle of holes. They sent us home with some antibiotics and some ointment. I'm blasted. Just before this happened I was thinking, please, no more dead animals, no more dead people, let me cruise for a while. Then Boz walked up with an injury that looked quite serious. AARGH!

But we're ok. Nothing to see here, move along, move along.

I'm going to bed.

Saturday, July 28, 2007


Now they're telling me my computer won't be fixed until the 17th of August. AND it might be lost! The guy at the main Apple repair center said it's in the store at Victoria Gardens. The admin at the Victoria Gardens store says they don't have it. Either way it won't be fixed until they get a new graphics card, which is on backorder. Waaahh!!!

Tonight there's a Shakespeare play at Fairmount Park. It's also a full moon. I've been wanting to watch a full moon rise from Mt. Rubidoux. I think I'll do that instead of going to the play. Besides, there's another one tomorrow night. I'll take Boz with me on the Rubidoux walk. That way if something or someone wants to attack me in the dark I'll just give them Boz.

I'm starting to pack for the move. I figure every box I pack right now will make me happy when moving day comes. This also gives me an opportunity to get rid of more stuff. I need to go on a box hunt and buy some tape. Wheeee!

Oh yeah, WAAAAHHHH!!!!!

My visit with Jeff

Wirth, not Odien.

Ah, what a nice visit. Upsetting in some ways. It had been a very long time since we last saw him. I wish that he and Jim could have gotten together again while Jim was still alive. Oh, well. Those little regrets pop up all the time.

Jeff and Jim were quite a pair in highschool. Jeff is an amazing performer (think Bill Irwin) and his and Jim's talents meshed beautifully. The stuff they did together was way beyond what the rest of us were doing in the performing arts department at Ramona.

Jeff wanted to start a theater group. He, along with the supporters of the group, chose Santa Rosa as its home. Jim and I moved up there to be a part of it. The whole project didn't last longer than a few years but we did mount one show and took it on tour around Sonoma County and did two shows in Riverside, one of them on Ramona's stage. I learned a lot from working with Jeff.

They all eventually moved away from Santa Rosa but Jim and I stayed. Jeff moved on to other adventures. He was very interested in the idea of interactive theater and spent the next several years developing that kind of show. Eventually he started giving workshops all around the country. Now he's teaching at the University of Florida in Orlando. He's doing some very exciting things and one day I'd love to visit him and jump into the game.

But it was just great seeing him. We got caught up. Talked about Jim a lot. talked about Jeff's life in Florida, talked about life and death. Just being with Jeff will lift your spirits and he will inspire you. And working with him will blow your mind. I'm so glad we're back in touch.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


Happy Birthday, Paige! (yesterday) Last night we all went to Joe's to celebrate with sushi. It was pretty wild in there! The chefs were drinking sake and everybody was just plain loud. They gave Paige a bowl of birthday ice cream. They turned out the lights, lit the candle and made her stand on a chair while everyone sang to her. We all had a great time and left there completely stuffed.

Moqui just left this morning. It was just plain lovely to spend the week with her. She'd like to come back sometime and bring her son along. I've got a standing invitation to visit her in Colorado. (Hey, Chris! Thanks for sending her!)

Yesterday we got started on the barns. So far I've managed to dodge 3 days of jury duty which means I'm available to slave away in a hot, dirty barn. Funny how compared to that jury duty can seem like the more desirable activity. We got a great start yesterday. Drew and Dede and I worked on carting things out. We parked Dad outside the barn and had him look through old files. It was the perfect activity to distract him from the huge pile of crapola that's destined for the dumpster. Every once in a while he'd look up and see some object he thought was valuable. We'd just say ok and set aside (we'll throw it away later). Better to avoid a fight. Today we're going to rent a big dumpster.

I hope I can take some time to do a little cleaning around here. Jeff Wirth is coming over tonight. The house isn't too bad. The floors need some attention. It's going to be so great seeing Jeff. It's been more than 20 years! Wow.

Ok, breakfast. Then, back to the barns!

Friday, July 20, 2007


I feel normal! Wheeeeee!!!!!!!

Man, it has been a drag these last 2 1/2 weeks. All I've been doing is laying around sleeping or watching tv. Now I can start working on getting my fitness level back up. I feel like such a weakling. I also feel like I've wasted so much time. Nothing got done while I was sick.

This afternoon I went to Ontario Mills. They have a Nordstrom's clearance store there. It's really disorganized but I managed to find two pairs of silk pants for $23 (for both!). One pair was originally $125! Man, I looooove getting a great deal. Then I had lunch at Chevy's. The last time we ate there it was a disappointment but today it was really good. Cheap clothes and a great lunch. And I feel good! I want to go dancing or something. When Moqui gets home we're going to walk up Rubidoux.

Also, today is the first day I don't feel like I'm on the verge of tears every five minutes.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A quick one

The Mac G5 is in the shop. They said it would take a week. Could be less. I hope so.

The ex-boyfriend's ex is here. Her name is Moqui and she couldn't be nicer. She's spending her days at the Mission Inn at a teacher's conference. Every night when she comes home she and I have a big ol' gab-a-palooza. Tonight we're going to the free concert at Fairmount Park.

I'm still feeling kinda crappy but it has gotten better. I feel pretty weak.

The dogs got their yearly shave today. Eddie Bunny escaped this morning. She pushed out the wire that blocked one of the vents under the house. Paige crawled under there and caught her.

Jeff Wirth called last night! He's going to be in Riverside next week! I gotta get in touch with some people and have a little party for him. Oh man, it was wonderful talking to him.

The kitchen sink is seriously clogged.

Dad's old dog, Maggie, is on her way out. I'm going to call the vet and see if he'll put her to sleep. Dad hasn't taken his dogs to the vet in years so I'm not sure how that will work.

Today it's been six months since Jim died. I've been pretty messed up ever since I got back from Santa Rosa. Part of it is because I've been sick, I know. But I've been in the throes of a fresh wave of grief ever since the party. If I could just deal with it when I'm home alone I wouldn't mind so much. But I can't control it and I start to cry at inappropriate moments. Like when we took the computer to the Apple store and the guy asked the for name of the admin and the password. I had to explain to him that the admin died 6 months ago and we don't know the password. He said no problem, they can change it. But there I am, getting weepy in the Apple store in front of 60 people trying to buy iPods.

Next week we're getting started on cleaning up the farm. Paige's 17th birthday is on Tuesday. Also, I have jury duty. What a freakin' marathon! Jeez, I'm supposed to be looking for a job.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Until further notice...

The big Mac G5 is down so we're using the Mac Mini until I can take the G5 in to see the Apple geniuses. I'm having the same trouble with e-mail on the Mini that I was having with the G5. E-mails don't seem to be sending. So, for now I can communicate through the blog. What a pain in the ass.

Ever have one of those days where you feel like you're just barely hanging on? I'm still sick, my computer doesn't work and I got a letter from the IRS telling me I have to justify the education credit on my tax return. I talked to my tax guy and he's sending me the form to send in so it's not a problem. But sheesh! I also filled out the quarterly State Franchise Tax form for Rancho Curioso. I sent that in with the form that is supposed to officially shut the whole thing down. I paid my health insurance bill ($403).

I long for the simple life. But for now I'm going to take a Vicodin and go to bed.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I'm home. What a weekend.

I still feel a little sick. I spent most of today in bed. This trip was harder than I thought it would be. I want to thank all my wonderful friends for taking such good care of me. I know it was an expression of their love for both Jim and me.

The party was amazing. And awful in some ways. Seeing all the music stuff being set up and seeing all our friends arrive was like losing Jim all over again. These are the people he loved to play with. Everyone had almost the same things to say about him. That he was generous on stage, that he made others sound good. There was no one like him. He was one hell of a musician and a dear, dear friend. Several times I had to leave the party and go into the bathroom to sob. I was kind of a wreck all day.

But it really was wonderful. Ed was the go-to guy for sound and set-up. He really made it happen. Plus, he's just plain fun to be around. Michael and Terri brought their new next door neighbor, Larry The O, who played drums all day. Jim knew of Larry and would have loved meeting him. Ernie Fosselius brought his Mechalodeon which was a HUGE hit. People played with it all day. Ernie played guitar as well. Bob and John on guitars, Dave on bass, Amelia on bass, Michele and Barry singing, Ed on keyboards, Michael on conga, Donita singing and playing uke, Mary singing and playing a shaker. Dan brought his pretty guitar and an electric violin. Did I leave anyone out?

Michael, thank you for Across The Universe. It was perfect.

Mark Mayer and his family came. I felt bad because I know he was disappointed that Lindsay and Paige weren't there. It was good to see him. Brian brought me a framed photo of Jim that I had never seen. It's a good picture of him. Thank you, Brian! Ray and his wife were there. Jim loved working with Ray. Jeanne was there for a little while. I'm glad she didn't miss it. Jon and Mary. I could hang out with them forever. Ok, help me here. I don't want to miss anyone.

Dave, Nancy and Amelia, thank you for all your hard work and your loving support. That was really quite a day, wasn't it? There was much sadness but also so much love and joy. Thank you, Michele. Thank you, Dan.

The next morning we went to breakfast at Sam's. Then Michele drove me to Lorraine's. She hasn't been feeling well lately so she missed the party. We sat on her deck with Danny, Eric and Jeanne and drank wine and talked and laughed. It really helped me to blow off some of the heaviness of the day before. On Monday Lorraine had to work so I spent the day with Jeanne and Mary. We had lunch at Washoe House. Then Lorraine came home and took me to the airport. The flight home was uneventful but I felt queasy and yucky the whole time, especially at the end when we hit some turbulence. Good thing it was a short flight.

It was really a wonderful weekend but it's brought up a fresh, new wave of grief. I had to stop typing this several times because I was crying so hard. I'll get through this one, too. Having a good, hard cry is cleansing. Wears me out, tho.

So, now I'm going to go in and watch The Office. That's a pleasant snap in the other direction.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Still here, still sick

Oh, this one sucks big time. The muscles along my spine feel like they're on fire. Pain throbs down my right thigh. Headache, joints, jumpy stomach. I couldn't get an appointment at Kaiser. I called David just to make sure this isn't something serious like streptomeninginalcoccusitis or some kind of soul-eating bacteria. I was in tears talking to him. He said it didn't sound serious and that I should go to Kaiser anyway. Ah, the joys of being a Kaiser drop-in.

By the time I got to Kaiser the pain in my back was huge. Every time I talked to a different person I'd start to cry. After 4 days of this I just couldn't handle it. I ended up seeing a physician's assistant. I told her all my symptoms and that I had started to feel bad on tuesday evening. She asked, "Did you injure your back?" I'm telling her I'm sick and I did not once say anything about injuring my back. Then she examined my back! She asked me three times if I had pain while uinating. No, no, still no. Then she sent me down for a chest x-ray and didn't send the order to Radiology. I'm waiting in Radiology with a screaming back while they try to track her down. Dammit, I had just left her office!

I got the x-rays and went back upstairs. She told me it's just a bug and there's nothing to be done about it except wait. I came home with Vicodin and Ibuprofen.

Vicodin works really well.

So, I'm flying to Sonoma County tomorrow morning, hopped up on pain killers. The girls are staying home. This trip isn't going to be what I planned. So, ok. I was planning to scatter some ashes but that will have to wait for another visit. I'm flying back on Monday evening.

And right now I'm going back to bed.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

He's stirring things up

I went over to Dad's this morning for the usual routine. I wanted to make sure his pill box was filled before I left for Santa Rosa. His pills are usually sitting right there on the bathroom counter. Today the only thing there was an empty jar. I had to search all around the house for his pills. One jar was in the bathroom cabinet, 1 was in a drawer, 3 jars were in his office and one was in his bedroom. What the hell was he doing?

When I test his blood in the mornings I always put the whole kit back together and leave it on the counter. This morning it was in a bottom drawer. The test strips and lancet shooter were missing. I found those in a different drawer.

The other night while I was out he called 3 times to ask Lindsay how to cook carrots. I'm glad she didn't know. He really shouldn't be cooking anything.

We've all decided he can live in his house another 6 months. I really doubt he'll make it that long.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy 4th!

This evening Lindsay, Kyle and I took some chairs and drove up to the top of the hill to watch fireworks. I'm glad we did that. We got a great view of the Mt. Rubidoux show plus all the little illegal fireworks shows that pop up all over town. Every once in a while a big, loud one would go off and set off car alarms up and down the street. We always applauded those.

Bleah, I'm still sick. We'll see how things are in the morning. Right now I still have some nausea and clamminess. Going up the hill just now was a real effort.

Today I was either sleeping, playing uke, computing or watching The Office dvds. I'm really enjoying them. Today they helped me forget about being sick for a while.

Ok, back to bed.

Monday, July 02, 2007

My first pass through the records

I pulled one set of shelves out of the thruck this morning. I opened up the box and took them out piece by piece. Banging them together was easy. All I needed was a rubber mallet. I think they'll work nicely. I'm going to order some record boxes online so I can box them up as I go along.

I went out to the barn and pulled out some records. They're not in order anymore but the catagories are still mostly intact. It's too hard to read the spines so you just have to grab some and pull them out to see what they are. I brought back 25 albums. Some I picked just because the covers were so intriguing.

Elsa Lanchester- Songs For A Shuttered Parlor. She's on the cover looking completely crazy.
Rusty Warren- Two albums by her. She's a comedienne form the 60's
Some Hawaiian stuff
Some middle eastern music
Ike and Tina Turner- Ooh-poo-pah-doo
Etta James- At Last
Some Harry Belafonte
The Mack- Film soundtrack. Richard Pryor is in it.
A couple of Sophie Tucker albums.

Not a bad start. I just wish I knew how to get the turntable hooked up. This isn't a normal stereo system in here. I think it actually is hooked up but only Jim knew how to make it work. So, ok, a future project.

Had a nice walk on the Rube tonight. If you go after 7 it's nice and cool.

Tomorrow I'll assemble the rest of the shelves.

-Hmmm... I just read that I can make some money by having ads on my blog. Should I?