Saturday morning I got up pretty early to hear the birdies but since we were all getting up early to prepare for the party, I didn't get much time to myself. Still. it was a nice way to start the day.
People started showing up around noon. Raymond, who we all called Stormy when he was little, arrived with his little girl. She's about 3 years old with awesome red curls. They named her Stormy so I had to instantly change an old habit and start calling her dad Raymond. Anyway...
When Raymond introduced her to Dad he started going into this big, scary act saying, "Hello, sugar! How you doin'? C'mere! blah, blah, blah" in a loud voice and waving his hands at her. She was scared to death of this crazy old man and backed up against her father. I said to Dad, "Gently, gently. Don't scare her." trying to get him to back off this poor little thing. He said, "I've been playing with little kids my whole life, you don't tell me what to do." Then he grabbed her by the hands and yanked her little arms around in an abusively playful way. What a jerk.
I went into the kitchen, sat down and started telling Molly what he had done. He came in and started yelling at me about how great he is with kids and he's been doing it his whole life and I should shut up and stop running my mouth and blah, blah, blah. I was sitting at the table cutting up veggies. He moved in very close to me and started pushing his old, bony finger in my face. He was trying to intimidate me and I thought it was very likely he would hit me if it went much further. I told him to back off. He didn't. I said, "Really, Dad, I mean it! You take 2 steps back away from me NOW!" He still stood there with his finger in my face, yelling at me. I said, "Dad if you touch me physically I will touch you back. I mean it!" That's when Molly stepped in and said, "Come on, y'all" (heh, heh! Texas). Dad backed off and left the room still yelling about what a great guy he is with little kids.
I was shaking, I was so pissed. I went back to working on party food. I looked out the window and saw Dad outside, chasing little Stormy around trying to make friends with her. He wouldn't leave her alone and she kept running away. He was determined to get her to talk to him just so he could show me how little kids are attracted to him. Later I saw him carrying her around trying to make sure I saw him. Molly said that the way he got ahold of her was Chris showed up with his big lab, Bowdrie, and Dad was the only human close enough to protect her from Bowdrie's tail and tongue. Once he got ahold of her he wouldn't let go. He was using this little girl to get back at me. I was pretty disgusted. Later some more kids showed up and he had to let her go so she could play.
That's how the party started. Thankfully, more adults showed up so he was forced to leave the kids alone and visit with the old people. I stayed away from him as much as I could. One by one all the older relatives pulled me aside to talk about Dad. They all said they could see he was really having trouble the last time he visited. He's trying to keep his Alzheimer's a big secret but it's so obvious to everyone that he's losing it.
We had this enormous Texas feast. Joe barbequed some brisket and chicken and sausages. The food was awesome. I gave up on trying to get Dad to eat properly. Later I saw him come out to the porch with a plate LOADED with desserts. I also saw Sara come out and plunk down a HUGE piece of cheesecake in front of Ruth. She knows Ruth isn't supposed to have so much sugar. This was a slap at Molly. The battle between the Butchers and the Smiths over Ruth's care is a whole 'nother story. This trip was an eye opener.
After lunch we were all on the big porch visiting and chatting and then BLAM! Everybody jumped three feet. BLAM! BLAM! Some of the macho studlys were out at the tank shooting snapping turtles with great big rifles. Now, snapping turtles hurt the cows so there's a reason for the killin'. But do they have to do it 50 yards away while there's a party going on? The answer is, "Why not?" The shooting continued for about an hour.
The party was winding down and people were leaving. I figured it was time for me to start heading out for Dean's. I was saying my goodbyes when Joe came running into the house. Chris, who had been out at the tank shooting turtles, had just run over Bowdrie with his truck. He had been sleeping under the truck and when Chris started it up Bowdrie tried to run out. The wheel ran over part of his face. Joe was calling around trying to find a vet that was open late on a Saturday. Chris ended up having to go all the way to San Antonio. Bowdrie's ok. When we saw him on Monday he looked totally normal. But man, what a shitty way to end a nice party. Maybe there was some turtle karma going on there.
I packed my stuff into Joe's car, said my goodbyes and left for Austin. FREE!!!!!!! It took me about 2 1/2 hours to get there and I ranted about Dad the whole way. I was a crazy, yelling woman alone in a car. But I going to Dean's so I knew I was headed for a good time.
4 comments:
Having absolutely no experience with Alzheimers I have a big bucket of empathy for you.
I'm sorry that big bucket doesn't help tho.
I've learned not to give my MIL any directives that look like control. I've found it doesn't matter, she is going to do what she is going to do no matter what consequences I can see in the future. It's hard to come to peace w/ that but it does help to disengage some.
I can't disengage when it comes to her health tho. So I know it's a waiting game.
Personally I think it's a total control game...the children are often the only thing they can control, because we're so programmed for it. So maybe it will help to look at what is worth controlling and what isn't? The Catch-22 of the control game becomes one sided if there is nothing to resist against.
Glad to know Bowdrie is ok, poor guy I guess he found out sleeping under cars isn't such a good idea.
I agree about the control thing. Dad is the mother (mutha) of all control freaks.
I don't know if we'll ever be able to get Dad to understand that control is something he ain't got much of anymore. We can all deal with that but it's hard when his "out of controlness" squeaks out and affects other people.
Heh, heh! You met handsome, friendly Stan. You don't want to meet Evil Stan.
We're learning as we go along. But we'll never get it totally right because as the disease progresses, the game changes. I think we're entering a nasty phase.
Yeah, I took a look at a couple of Alzheimers sites and those phases look pretty awful.
I don't think we'll ever control our parents until they are too weak physically to resist us.
I think there comes a point where we just out and out have to lie to them. There comes a point where they no longer have any realistic understandings of how things really are.
You said it. We can't be completely truthful with Dad. We have to be careful how we talk to him about certain things. We have to manage him which basically means we have to lie to him.
And it's sooo true that he doesn't have a realistic understanding of how things really are. We go round and round with that one.
Post a Comment