Ok, this is weird. For the first time since this whole Alzheimer's thing started I am afraid that at some point Dad will try to harm me or the girls.
He called just now. He was furious. He started yelling about a light being left on in one of the barns. He was going on and on about the girls and their boyfriends snooping around in those barns. I thought he was talking about a security light and told him that maybe Boz set it off. He said, "NO,STUPID! The light INSIDE the barn! Use your head!" I told him the girls haven't been going through the barns. He yelled, "ASK THEM!" I told him no, I wasn't going to ask them. He told me to go back there and look. Again, no. He said, "You tell them that the barns are OFF LIMITS!" I told him I'd be sure to mention it. Then he told me to go out there again. I said, "No. If you want the light turned out then go deal with it."
He screamed, "DEAL WITH IT?!? I'M GOING TO COME OVER THERE AND DRAG THEM OUT OF THEIR BEDS BY THEIR HAIR!!!! You GET out there and turn out that LIGHT!"
Then he hung up. I thought he might come rampaging over so he could scream at me some more. I went in the house and locked the front door. Then I told Lindsay and Kyle if there was a knock at the door they shouldn't answer it. I'm here in the studio with the door locked.
He just called again. Calmer now but still going on about the girls being in the barns. Still shouting orders. The mean man who raised me.
I was dragged out of bed by my hair a few times.
I'm seeing more rage these days. I could see him picking up something and going after one of us with it. And I don't think he'd be able to stop himself. He really has turned a corner.
9 comments:
Yeow. Does he have any guns? Sounds like the family needs to fast-track institutionalizing him. Can you get him back to his VA doctors?
You know, if he ever tried to drag Paige out of bed by her hair, he'd probably wind up on the floor flat on his face, with Paige's elbow in his neck.
HAR!!!! Thank you, dear. You gave me a much needed laugh this morning.
Dean- He says he still has a hunting rifle but the thing's so old and dirty it probably wouldn't fire. He doesn't keep it loaded and the ammo (if there is any) is probably hidden in a forgotten place. Still, maybe I'll go grab it when he's not home.
I'm going to ask his doctor about stepping up his meds. He might need a stronger chill pill.
Or it might just be what Dean says, time for fast tracking.
Keep the doors locked anyway, even if he's not in a frenzy. You never know when he might get into a frenzy with an imagined slight. He may not call you and warn you.
And yes, get that shotgun and any ammo out of the house. He is as likely to hurt himself as you guys.
Well, let's not jump the gun...
I don't think he needs to be put into assisted living just yet. I just think we need to be more careful. I will try to get his guns. Yeah, there's more than one. I think he has a rifle and a shotgun. But I haven't seen any ammo in his house for years. I'm not really concerned about the guns. I'm more worried that he'll be in a rage, grab whatever is close at hand and go after one of us. Hell, he did that when I was growing up. Once when we were planting Christmas trees he got mad at me and whacked me across the thigh with a shovel.
If he and I had been standing face to face last night I'm sure he would have hit me.
Donita, I don't think I'm trying to get you to jump the gun BUT I do think he is at the point where he might unintentionally hurt one of you in a rage.
If you think he might hit you being in a place where he can be safely handled is as much for his safety as yours and the girls. And I don't know for sure but living with others might give him something to do and women he can chase while he is still mostly with it.
I think trying new or additonal medication is a good one AND talking to the doctor about what decision points (like the agression and delusions) are key to keeping all of you to know when it's for his safety and well-being. (sorry bad english)
I think all of us who post here fear the level of agression because we didn't grow up with that kind of agression and it seems over the top to us. I do hope you forgive me for anything that seems as if we're trying to get you to get rid of him. That is not my intent. xo, really.
Hi Doni!
I'm sorry I don't read your blog as often as I should - it leaves me out of touch and then I blog later.....
I believe, once again, that Dean, as is often the case, is right. With you all having to move soon, your dad will have to be institutionalized, (thats a harsh word), but it really is a matter of time. You do have many friends and family who will do a lot for you and with you, as you would do for them. You are lucky in that respect. From my experience of losing my mom and brother, basically my entire family, in one year, it takes about two years to feel "normal-ish" again. I just offer a reference point for perspective. Don't be hard on yourself. This does suck. Big time. Jon always says that getting things done helps pass the time and gives you some focus that at least makes you feel like you're moving in a direction. I spent probably three months doing nothing, being pretty much of a basket case and not seeing anyone. But that's not who I am, so when I did break out again, it was good for me. Sometimes I look at life like a chapter book. You're in a really tough chapter, but, for as long as you live, there will be more chapters. I don't want to ramble on on your blog, I believe you're doing the best you can with what you have, and that's really all you can do. We were going to go to Arizona today, but I was so sick last night with the lovely bug Lorraine gave me, that we will be leaving very early tomorrow morning. We expect to land at your place about Saturday. We'll call you - and we DEFINITELY look forward to visiting with you and your family!!!!!
Love, Mary & Jon
P.S. Boz alwlays has been a sweet, yet dumbshit dog!
And, P.P.S. I think you should make a football-shaped aioli on a bed of greens with bread stick goal posts to take to Dean's!
Virginia- I said "jump the gun" as a joke. Sorry that wasn't clear. Don't worry, I got your meaning. I appreciate your point of view. A lot.
I'll be talking with my siblings about this. They read this blog. Right now they're all on vacation. Man, what timing!
What you said about medications is right on. Agression and delusion and decision points. That's a good set of key words.
I guess one reason that I'm willing to tolerate just a little bit more is because I did grow up with that kind of agression. I'm pretty sure my sibs would agree. They are all very familiar with the behaviors I've written about here. I think we're all pretty much on the same page about how much of it we're willing to tolerate.
So, once everyone is home we can start discussing it. This is where we rely heavily on David's expertise.
Mary- Thank you. Yeah, then there's that whole other thing. Jon's right. It's good to get things done. I feel more in control when I handle things as they come. But oh, I am a good procrastinator. I need to remind myself that keeping current will help me move forward and take the fear away.
I need to paint that on a refrigerator magnet.
Yeah, girlfriend, you did have a rough couple of years. My goodness, I'm sorry you've been sick. Keep getting better. It's going to be great to see you guys.
Mary--a sure sign of genius is to recognize genius in others. You are obviously nearly as brilliant as I am.
--dean
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