And a jumpy stomach. They kind of settled in this afternoon. Actually, it started last night. The coldness of those rotten teenagers triggered it, I think. After I had words with that girl I sat by myself at the front of the bus and cried. I was glad it was so dark. It hit me that I'm really on my own. If Jim were here I would have called him from the bus to share what had happened. People keep telling me that I'm not alone but really, in this I am. No one can do it for me. Can't even do it with me, really. I just have to go through it and wait for what's on the other side. But for now I have to feel what I have to feel.
I'm going to take a drive.
Don't worry. I just need to get out of here for a while.
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Are you back yet?
I just got back (8:45).
First I went to Olivewood Cemetery which is where my mom is buried. I thought maybe a chat with her would uncork these emotions. I sat on her grave for a while and got a little weepy but then I got too cold. The mom visit wasn't doing it for me. I told her thanks a lot and then left.
Then I drove out to MoVal. I've always wanted to see if I could drive up Box Springs Mountain to see the view back to our place. I wasn't sure how to get up there. I finally headed out Pidgeon Pass road. That did it. There's a road that goes way up to the top. There's a park up there with trails. It was getting dark and it was way windy so I didn't stay there long. I do want to go back one of these days and hike around. It's beautiful up there. And the view! The clouds this evening were otherworldly. They looked like sliced agate. I caught the end of the sunset. The view of the city lights was really wonderful. I could see our airport light. That's how I can tell where we live.
I still felt heartsick. I didn't get the release I was looking for. Really, all I want is a good bawl. I headed back to Riverside via Allesandro. When I came to that shopping center at the corner of Trautwein and Allesandro I decided I'd have dinner at Akina. I needed the healing goodness of sushi.
That was great. I had a chatty chef. He told me all about the law enforcement system in Japan. I could barely understand him but I really enjoyed the conversation.
(Dean- If you think the pudding mussels are great at Joe's you'd love them at Akina. They offer them with a pile of crab meat piled on top. Orgasmic.)
So now I'm home. I do feel better but I know I didn't really work through this grief ball. So, ok, time for jammies and a glass of wine.
Or maybe tequila.
Watch out for the mountain Lions on C mountain! And the Sasquatch!
A hot bath always helped me. I dunno if it's the dunking underneath the water where it is so quiet you can hear your pulse, or the relaxation of the water and the solitary feeling.
Heh! I've been taking a lot of hot baths lately. You're right, it does help. But hot baths are mostly for thinking things through. Yesterday I needed to just let go and I couldn't do it.
Mountain lions, eh? Maybe I'll take Boz. Meeting up with Sasquatch might be nice. Is he single?
He's a lonely polygamist.
Damn. I don't need entanglements.
Well, jeez, remember how special we felt at El Torito? Those cute waiters just couldn't tear themselves away from us. I just re-read that post. I thought that was the funniest thing. A couple of old broads like us being schmoozed by Ricky Ricardo. Were our spirits lifted? Si!
So, it's called C Mountain? I always thought it was called Box Springs Mountain. Why is it called C Mountain? Where are A and B? Oh wait, now I know. It has a big C on it. Duh...
There is no box and there are no springs. Just mountain lions, goats and a C. Of course on Nuff's side I think there is an M. They couldn't afford a V.
So, what's the C for?
Well, they forgot the U and the R. I think putting a big C on any mountain in California is just plain dopey. I think we should take some paint up there and turn it into a big orange.
Did you see the stripes they painted on it? I thought it was nice as just a big, yellow C for California. But they went and painted blue stripes on it, as if to claim it for the UC, and now it's hard to tell what it is from far away.
Stupid college students!
We should all walk up there sometime.
*hug*
I'm game!
(hug back atcha)
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