I'm mostly angry at myself for not predicting it. But it's not me I want to strangle right now.
I've invited some friends to come here on Saturday to have breakfast and watch the air show. I told Dad because I didn't want him to flip out when he sees a bunch of strange cars driving up to the top of the hill. This morning a jet and a few planes flew over, probably some performers showing up early to practice. Dad's been calling me all morning. "Gotta call Stacey and tell her to bring all of her chairs! Some of the church people are coming!!" I told him no, it's not that kind of party. I've invited MY friends. Well, that's it, he's off and running. Now there's going to be a lot of church people here for my party. (Excuse me if you're offended by this but) GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't want this! I wanted to have a nice, fun morning with friends, having breakfast and watching the cool planes. I was really looking forward to it. Now it's going to be a bunch of people I don't know. Old people who need help. Little whiny kids I don't know. Dad swears he's done this every year but it certainly hasn't happened in the three years that we've been here. He always goes to the kids' ballgames and I assumed he'd do the same this year. Well, ASS U ME!!!!!
I called Stacey and asked her to try to head it off but it was too late. She couldn't talk him into going to Brendan's game. So, if he calls again I'm going to tell him I'm cancelling the whole thing. If he wants to have a party he's on his own. I am not going to spend the morning running my ass off making sure everyone is taken care of. Besides, I'm much too angry, bitter and filled with resentment. I won't be any fun anyway.
Last night I called him to remind him to take his meds. Often he'll forget even if I call him so I told him to go take them while I waited on the phone. He bitched and moaned about it but I persisted. He was gone a long time before he came back to the phone. I figured he got sidetracked or something. Well, this morning when I went over there the meds box was almost empty and what was left had been moved around to different compartments. I asked him about it and he said he took what he needed to get caught up and moved the rest so it would match up to the rest of the week. AAAIIEEEEE!!!!!! I asked him where the rest of the pills were and he said he had taken them!!!! That's probably why he's so fired up today. He was foggy this morning and now he's jacked up.
So, that's it. I need to find something else to do Saturday morning because I won't be able to stand being around here. Man, I'll be so glad when I'm not doing this anymore.
8 comments:
Breakfast at Simple Simon's?
I'm not going to do anything just yet but I probably will cancel. I had it out with him on the phone. There's no way I'll ever get him to understand where I'm coming from. According to him I'm just plain stupid and I think my friends are better than his. He'll never get it. This was a party that I had planned for me and my friends and he hijacked it. He thinks I don't want church people there because I think they'll start preaching to me. Wha??? First he said that no more than 4 people would show up. Then he said 6 or 8. Then it was a dozen. Did he think that making the number bigger was going to help his argument?
Then he kept saying there had to be something else behind this, like I had some underlying reason why I didn't want the church people there. Yes, Dad, we're going to be performing satanic rituals up on the hill to see if we can make some planes crash. We'll cut down Christmas trees and make a pentagram that can only be seen from the air.
So, he can have the hill. The more I think about it the more I'm understanding my own anger. Doing fun things with my friends is something that helps me through my grief. These are things I do for myself that are important and special. Dad took this one away (not the first time he's done something like this). Any other time it wouldn't have meant as much.
-ok-
He just called. I guess he called everyone and cancelled. He said it'll probably be just him and one other person. Then he hung up. So, eventually I'll have to try to explain it to him. We'll both have cooled off by tomorrow morning. Or tonight when I go over there to do meds.
Shit. People had better show up to this thing or I'm gonna look like the biggest asshole on the planet.
Ok, that's pretty funny.
OMG, What a wild day you've had. I hope he can remember that he's cancelled his friends and doesn't start in again tomorrow.
Xanex?
Heh! That might be a good idea.
Now that I've had time to cool down and think about things (and I've had a nice walk) I think I'll be able to handle whatever comes up. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow morning. I'm pretty sure I can put it in terms he'll understand. If things were different I'd have no problem with "the more the merrier". But right now I don't want to be with just any ol' crowd. I want to be with friends. Good friends.
Yeah, I can understand that totally. It's a different vibe with people who aren't really your friends.
Friday morning- Well, we didn't talk about it. He was in a good mood so I decided I'd just let it rest. If it comes up again we'll discuss it.
Boy, I really think he's getting worse fast. This morning he had left his refrigerator door open. it must have been open for a very long time because everything in it was room temperature. When I asked him about it he barely acknowledged it. Every time something like that happens his reaction is basically "no big deal". I don't think he's going to be able to live here for another year.
He left his car door open last night. We closed it so the battery wouldn't run down.
jolia: Some lovely South American lass, I'm sure.
Thanks, Kyle!
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