Today I took Dad to the VA to see a psychiatrist. He needed to be evaluated so he can be declared incompetent. Lordy. These people deal with AD patients all the time. You would think they'd know when to lie to the patient to protect the caregiver. I was squirming! Dr Griffin came right out and told him he was being evaluated so we'd know how to take care of his living trust. I had told Dad that we were there to update his meds. Then they had him go with a nurse to have his blood pressure checked. While he was out the psychiatrist came in. We had a quick chat about why we needed a letter from her. I mentioned the farm and the sale just to fill her in on a few of the details. When Dad came back she told him that I had mentioned that the farm was for sale. Dad started getting pretty agitated. He said, "Well, SHE doesn't know what's going on with the land. Don't ask HER!" Jeez..
Dr. Griffin gave Dad the same test she gave him a year ago. She had him spell "world" backwards. She had him draw a clock. The psychiatrist gave him a "connect the dots" kind of test. He performed poorly on almost everything. And he got madder with each one. He never really lost it but he was sure on the edge.
After a little while the psychiatrist said she wanted to speak to me alone. I'm sure Dad didn't like that. She and I went out to the hall. Man, what is it with psychiatrists and German accents? She's a tiny, gray-haired woman who speaks like Edna in The Incredibles. Anyway, we talked about upping Dad's Rivastigmine and adding an anti-anxiety drug and an anti-paranoia drug. One of those is Risperidone, which had been prescribed before but we never gave him because of the possible side effects. She assued me it would be at a low dose and that the benefits outweighed the risks. I told her it sounded good to me but she should talk to David about it. She gave me her card.
On the way home he started asking me how Dr. Griffin knew about the living trust. He said I had to be the one who talked to her about it. I told him that David had been talking to Dr. Griffin. He said, "David doesn't know anything about me! David isn't my doctor!" He said that when I was out talking to the psychiatrist Dr. Griffin told him it was possible for him to get his driver's license back. All he has to do is take some tests. Um...yeah.... I'm sure that's exactly what she said. I didn't argue.
Boy, he's really suspicious of me now. I'm in cahoots with the doctors. He was pretty cold to me when we got home. Whatever.
This morning I started cleaning up the workshop. The work bench was full of Jim's nerd stuff. Alas, he had been working on a stomp box for John that was almost finished. John will just have to find someone to finish it for him. I'm going to separate out the stuff I can use and store the rest until I can find someone who can tell me what it is and if I should keep it. I'm planning to have a garage sale in May. I'm hoping to have most of it sorted out by then. We'll have a second sale in September. When it's time for us to move I want to take only the essentials.
I got the life insurance settlement. I deposited some of it into my bank account. When that check clears in 10 days I can pay everyone back. YAY!
4 comments:
Wow, you've had a busy day. It would be good if your siblings talked to your dad about his condition so everyone can spread the wealth that you've had to shoulder.
I did find when the boys started taking or accompanying the MIL on doc visits it helped ease the mental stress I had from being the one who heard what the doc said, what the MIL said and the intrepretation. She stopped blaming me for saying what I heard and what she heard. And it helps the divide and conquer thing a lot. He'll (maybe) say fewer things about you being the bad guy if someone else takes him. That person will be the bad guy at least for a little while.
Oh the wealth has been spread, I assure you. Everybody except my older sister, who lives in Missouri, takes their turn with handling Dad. Talking to him about his condition really does no good. One thing the psychiatrist said today, and something we all have seen, is Alzheimer's patients are clueless about their condition. It doesn't matter how many times you explain it they don't think there's anything wrong with them.
At this point I don't care if I'm the bad guy. I really don't. I know that Dad is running on pure machinery. He really has no choice in how he thinks and behaves. Even his attempts to deliberately hurt me miss the mark. Yes, it's hard on me but it's hard for all of us who have to deal with him in the moment. And there is an end in sight. I have one more year of this and then I'm done.
I appreciate what my siblings and I have worked out. I handle the day to day stuff, Dede and David are taking care of Dad's finances and Drew and Stacey take him to ball games so I can have a break. Sometimes Dede and David will take him up to San Luis Obispo for several days. It all just seems to work. I thought it would be much harder on me to keep doing this after Jim died but it's not. We'll see how things are a few months down the road but for now it's really not that bad.
But it's still weird. We all take turns being the bad guy. Most of the time it's me because I'm right here. I think it's actually kind of funny that he thinks I have so much power over him. So many of the things he accuses me of I have absolutely nothing to so with. All I do is give him his pills, test his blood and take him to the grocery store and the doctor. I can't touch his money or make any decisions about his land. But he thinks I have some kind of dastardly plan up my sleeve. Because, I mean, I'm so freakin' BRILLIANT!
LOL, you are so fucking brilliant and that's why he's so afraid of you!
Yeah, I know it doesn't really make a difference with Az patients...but some weeks you just don't want to be the target because you're the day to day person. Or at least that's how I got to feel after being the one person who the MIL leaned on the most for day to day caregiving.
Oh and p.s. I didn't mean to intimate that your sibs don't do anything (or that the MIL's kids don't either). It's just different when one does the day to day vs the portioned out stuff with some breaks. The whole thing is stressful, no matter what part lies with what person.
Virginia- The difference between the day to day stuff and the ball games is this. My part of the day usually lasts about half an hour. Sometimes it's longer if I have to take him to the doctor or the store. And I'm on call 24 hours a day but that's usually not a problem. Sometimes I have to deal with lots of phone calls. When the sibs take him it's for several hours at a time. Like a whole day. Believe me, sometimes I think I have it easier.
Dean- So, I look evasive and dumb?
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