Ooh, this is good.

Well, my tiles didn't come today. I decided not to do anything more to the frame until they get here. I want the look to be consistent.

Since I'm not gluing tile to a frame tonight I figured I'd get some housework done. I got a good putter going but I had to keep stopping because I kept getting decorating ideas. It was great. I've been so stymied since moving here. I had some vague ideas for what I wanted to do but nothing was very exciting. Now it's all wild creation popping into my brain. I haven't had this happen in quite a while. I'm diggin' it.

Hoo boy, this house is going to be reeeeally colorful.

Uh-oh.

I think my ugly, gnarly tree in the front yard is leaning more. I think it might be falling over. I really need to have it taken down. The branch that hangs over the front walk is lower now. Jeff konked his head on it one night. Better make some phone calls.

I've started doing the mosaic on my chalkboard frame. It's looking pretty good so far. I'm not doing anything fancy, just broken bits stuck on. When it's all covered I'm going to use black grout to fill in the gaps. Today I bought some dishes at Goodwill to bust up and add some more color to the thing. I also ordered some Fiesta Ware bits from eBay. They're pieces of broken Fiesta dishes. I think it's pretty funny that you can buy bits of broken dishes on the internet. They should arrive tomorrow. I'll be set for the weekend.

I need to get this done. I'm doing my usual thing, which is when I'm immersed in a project the house goes to hell.

Subbing across the hall

It's almost as dead over here.

So! I found out that the cost of my meds ISN'T going up. The person who called me from the pharmacy didn't know what the hell she was talking about. The reason the cost went up is the number of pills was increased from 60 to 200, as per my request to my doc. I just hadn't received confirmation that the request was granted. Puh!

My hallway is looking pretty good. The walls and trim are painted and the chalkboard is being framed. Hoo boy, the green paint is bright. I might go back and tone it down. It looks exactly the way I want it during the day. At night with the lights turned on it's blindingly bright.

I'm going to cover the frame with mosaic. Right now I'm doing a small practice piece to experiment and get my chops up. I dragged out all my mosaic supplies to see if I'll have enough. I do, but not in the right colors. Gonna visit some thrift stores and see if I can find some dishes I can bust up.

I'm also toying with the idea of surrounding the chalkboard with a line of wine corks inside the frame. I'll use them like a cork board. We'll see. I'm also going to hang a shelf over the chalk board.

I found a gnarly wooden bowl at Ross. I'm going to slice it in half and affix the pieces to the wall to hold the chalk and eraser. In my mind's eye this whole thing looks pretty cute. But I'm still not sure about that paint color.

Slow day at work

Things always slow down after the semester starts but this slowdown is the slowest of the slow. Ain't nuthin' happenin' here. Really, I should save the taxpayers some dough and split. Not gonna. Sorry, taxpayers.

After work today I'm going to go to Lowe's and buy paint and supplies. It's so exciting! Tomorrow I'm painting the hall.

I've been surfing the web looking for cars. I've settled on the Scion xB, 2004-2006. I'd really like a green one but I'd be just as happy with silver. It looks like all the green ones in the area have manual transmissions and I want an automatic. So, silver it is. No big hurry, tho.

Paige got a 2008 Scion tC. We got a great deal on it because it has a salvage title. So far, no troubles. Salvage doesn't necessarily mean a lemon but you do take your chances. So, we gave Lindsay Dad's Toyota until she finds a car she likes. Her Taurus (death machine) is now sitting in my driveway. I'm thinking of donating it. I hate selling cars, especially a beater like this one.

I haven't blogged about the whole car thing. I'm going to use some of my inheritance to buy cars for all of us. I want the girls to have some decent cars, mainly for my own peace of mind. And I'm so tired of driving a minivan. I still need something big enough to haul stuff. The Scion xB is big enough, especially if I get a roof rack installed. Anyway, the cars will be the girl's gift from Grandpa.

I've got my fingers crossed. It looks like our lives are getting back to some kind of normalcy. Lindsay is settled in L.A. with a good job. Paige and I are going to school. I'm starting work on the house. If things stay like this for a while I'll be very happy. I got a call from Kaiser the other day telling me that the cost of my Wellbutrin is going to triple. I'm going to talk to my doc about it. I think I'm probably ready to give it up anyway.

So, we'll see. Ok, Universe, behave yourself for a while so we can all get a break from the drama.

Back online

Yay! I'm back. My modem had croaked. It was still under warranty so no charge for replacement.

Yesterday I spent most of the day peeling wallpaper. Lordy, Gammer loved wallpaper. It's in every single room of my house, three layers in some places. I decided to tackle the hallway since it's the smallest space and a pretty easy project. Getting down to the bare wall through that first layer of paper is proving to be a slow job. I think I'll just strip the one wall I've been working on and paint over the rest. I'm going to paint that wall with chalkboard paint so it needs to be clean.

This is the first real project that actually makes a change in this house. I think it's a good start. I need to get up some momentum on all those improvement projects I have planned. This feels good.

No internet

Whine! My DSL went out at home. I'm blogging from work. If you don't hear from me after you sent me that life or death email it's because I can't get to it. There's a DSL dude coming out tomorrow morning so hopefully it'll get resolved quickly.

Lindsay called this morning and said that someone busted out the back window of her car. Not the car she's had for a while. That one's on its last legs so its parked in my driveway. She has Dad's old Toyota. Dang, she's only had it for a few days AND she had it parked in the fenced-in parking garage at her apartment. There was nothing of value in that car but they decided to clean out the glove box anyway. They took the registration. What a pain in the ass.

My refrigerator started making that fix-me-or-I'm-going-to-explode noise again. A repairman came out and fixed it for $180. Not bad. It was weird dealing with him. He had a HEAVY accent. Not just an accent, he could barely speak english. I'm guessing he was Armenian. Oh man, it was hard to communicate. But he seemed to know what he was doing and now the fridge is cold and silent.

Jeez. This week I wanted to make some progress but it feel like I'm pedaling fast just to stay in one place.

Happy Easter

We had our little Easter celebration tonight because them kids ain't gonna be around on Sunday. We went to Joe's Sushi for Lindsay's birthday dinner. After that I went to the dollar store and got Easter trinkets. I bought some metal collanders and used them as baskets. Everyone got candy and these cool little wind-up toys I got at Borders. When I got home Lindsay opened her birthday gift (a plastic Buddha lamp) and I gave them their baskets. Whee! Happy Easter! Very low key. No eggs, no Peeps.

Then we watched It's Alive!, which I had recorded for Lindsay and Kyle. I saw this movie when it first came out and it's a total hoot. It's about this monster baby that goes around killing people and then attacks a milk truck. But the movie that got recorded wasn't that movie, even though it too was called It's Alive!. THIS movie sucked more than anything I've seen in my life. But we watched it anyway.

We've been shopping for cars. I'm using some of my inheritance to get us some decent used cars. It's a good thing because Lindsay's car is on its last legs. We found a car for Paige. It's a 2008 Scion tC. It has a salvage title but it seems to be in pretty good shape. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Lindsay and I also want to get Scions. She wants an xA, which is a zippy little thing and I'm looking for a good deal on an xB, the big boxy kind. Then I have to work on selling the three old cars. I hate selling cars.

My informative speech is finished. It's called A Brief History of Tabasco Sauce. Spring break is next week so I can practice it a lot before I have to give it in class. My topic for the demonstration speech is How to Play the Ukulele. After that we're doing a persuasive speech and that's it. I don't know what my topic will be at this point. What do I feel strongly enough about to want to persuade people to care about it and agree with me? So far all I can think of is something like, The Importance of Preparing For Old Age. Really, I'd rather talk for eight minutes on why assholes with obnoxious sound systems in their cars should be shot, but somehow I don't think that would be popular with my audience of 18-20-year-olds. They wouldn't be too interested in the old age thing either.

Hoo boy, sushi is salty stuff. My weight is going to jump up for a few days.

Sorry for the gap

I shouldn't let things go so long between posts. So much gets away. I'll just have to fill in some stuff later. But basically what happened was...

Dad died, we had a funeral, lots of relatives, it was good, mostly.
I'm hating my speech class
I went back to work after being off for almost a month.
We're shopping for cars.

My mind isn't really on this right now. I just finished my speech, which is due on Wednesday. I'm tired of looking at this computer screen and my brain is fried. I'm going to go outside and plant some stuff.

Friday in Austin

We got up early on Friday morning and went to Barton Springs, which is where Dean takes her morning swim. It's a place where a natural spring wells up and they've enclosed the stream bed to make a giant swimming pool. There's a constant flow of clean water running through it so there's no need to use any chemicals. It's a wonderful place to swim but that water is COLD. I can barely handle it on a hot day. Dean swims pretty much year-round in the early morning. Not for Donita.

But the reason I went there was to serenade the swimmers. Kind of silly since the pool is huge and people pretty much had their heads under water but it was still pretty fun. KC was there so I mostly sang for her. We chatted with a few people. It was pleasant.

After that Dean went to work and KC and I went out for breakfast. Then I came home and crashed. I slept good and hard until 1:00. Then I got up and did some homework. Dean came home at 3:30.

A friend of Greg's got us in at one of the venues. Another free event for us. The show was Dent May and his Magnificent Ukulele. It was a fun show. I bought his cd but he was really better live. After that we went to The Belmont and had drinks and listened to the bands. Then we went back to Dean's and lounged on the patio until the wee hours.

My back still hurts. It must be a little better since I can tolerate the pain without taking a T3. I'm going to tough it out so I can give my liver a break. We're leaving soon to go to a poster show. Gonna try to score some free stuff. Then I'll try my hand at busking. I'll for sure be taking a pain pill before I do that.

Ooh, it's pretty breezy right now. Hmmm...

I'm in Texas.

And having a great time. All except for one little glitch. I put my back out today. Spasm city. The rest of my trip may suck a bit. I'm hoping it'll be better tomorrow.

Today was the Million Musician March that began at the Capitol steps and went down to City Hall. They really shouldn't have called it that. When we first got there it was more like the Several Musician March. Eventually it swelled to a Smattering of Musicians March. Still, it was pretty cool. Very much a hippie scene. Dean had brought Nancy along. Nancy is her little tri-colored Chihuahua. She figured it would be good for Nancy to have the experience and it would get her some exercise. Nancy was a good girl.

We hung around and listened to the bands. I played along with some of them while I was standing around in the audience. After a while we sat on the grass. Dean suggested that I use the bathroom before we left for the walk. When I stood up I must have turned funny because I really wrenched my back. Man, it hurt like a mo-fo. As I walked to the rest room it was pretty clear that there was no way I was going to be able to go on that march. Dean called Greg and he picked us up. When we got back to Dean's I took a Tylenol with codeine. Throw in a couple of screwdrivers and I'm doin' ok.

Tonight Dean and Greg fixed a nice dinner. KC and Dean's next-door neighbors came over. So, that's today.

I got in very late on Wednesday night. Dean and I stayed up until 4:00 just having a good cackle. I played some songs for her. Man, Dean is the best audience I've ever had. It was really fun playing for her. At one point she jumped up and hugged and smooched me real hard. That was pretty funny. Dean is not usually that demonstrative.

On Thursday Dean, KC and I went to an exhibit called Birth of the Cool. It's all mid-century modern stuff. I'll take one of each, please. The exhibit was actually kind of small. We explored the rest of the museum and then went to The Belmont for drinks and to listen to whatever band was playing. The Belmont was one of the free venues. At the museum they gave us a coupon for one free appetizer at The Belmont. We were diggin' the free.

The bands were ok but we were hungry and thirsty and The Belmont serves good food. We enjoyed the scallops and the mussels but the calamari was the best that any of us had ever had. We were there for about an hour and a half. Then we walked down the street a little and listened to another (very loud) band. Then we came home. Dean roasted some chickens and grilled some veggies. We had this reeeeaaally good coconut cake for dessert. I made the mistake of buying a whole cake. I think I had cake with every meal until it ran out. There was no resisting it.

That's all I'll write for now. This post is long. I'm having a very good time. This trip was the exact right thing to do.

Me sicko

Man, being sick is a drag. Even if it's just a wimpy cold it still sucks. Right now my chest is congested and my head is completely clogged. It's pissing me off because I don't have time for this. I'm leaving for Texas on Wednesday and when I get back I'll be joining the flurry of funeral preparations. Family members are flying in. Lots of them. All I want to do right now is clean my house and I can't do it. After about five minutes of picking up I get completely worn out. Man, I hope this gets better tomorrow.

I'm not going to go back to work until after it's all over. I'll take a bit of a financial hit but it's not like I was really raking it in to begin with. Missing a few days won't make that much difference and I can make it up in April.

What I wouldn't give for one clear nostril.

Bye, Dad

Dad died yesterday. The long struggle is over.

On Saturday afternoon David called and said Dad's blood pressure had dropped significantly and he was unresponsive. He thought Dad would probably die within 72 hours. Man. Everything kind of shifted and my thoughts were all over the place. I had been working on the garage. Since there was no need to rush right over there I went back to what I was doing. I was the only one in town. Stacey and her family were in Orange County at Audra's game and Drew and his family were in San Diego for Tori's volleyball tournament. Then a little while later David called back. Dad's blood pressure had dropped again and he felt cold. He probably wouldn't last the night. It was time to get over there.

When I saw Dad it was quite a shock. He was not sleeping peacefully like you see in the movies. He looked like a breathing corpse. His head was pulled back. His mouth was wide open and his lips were curled up over his teeth. His eyes were half open, staring but with no life behind them and sunk deep in their sockets. His breathing was labored. He had lost 25 pounds in the last week, which was no surprise. He had pretty much stopped eating.

I closed his eyes but they popped right back open. That was one of the things we did with him all night long. We'd close his eyes so they wouldn't dry out. I doubt if it helped and I don't think he was feeling it. I sat down and talked to him for a little while, then I sang him some songs. I tried to think of some hymns but none came to mind. I went to the dining room and found an Armed Forces Hymnal. I took it back to his room and sang hymn after hymn for him. (Heh! There's a sentence.) I was surprised I could actually sing through tears.

Pretty soon Stacey poked her head around the curtain. She was also taken aback by Dad's appearance. She was concerned that B might find it too disturbing. There was no time to make a decision about it because Brendan came right in and sat down next to his Poppa and took his hand. He talked to him and closed his eyes for him. What a great kid.

Stacey and Scotty and I talked about what we need to do and who need to be contacted. I called Dede and Mindy to get the phone numbers of some of the people from church. I called Pastor Hewes. He got there about 40 minutes later. He talked to all of us for a little while and then sat down and talked to Dad. If Dad had been aware (and who's to say he wasn't) he would have loved what Pastor was saying to him. He hit all the right notes. He spoke to Dad in a way that none of us could. I really appreciated his visit. Scotty and B left a little after that.

Some of Dad's nurses came in to say goodbye. They all talked about how Dad would speak to them in Spanish, which was a bit of a surprise to us. We knew that Dad knew a smattering of Spanish but I guess it was more than we thought. They really liked him. The activity director and her daughter came to see him. She was really quite broken up. She hugged him and kissed him and called him Patron. I told her that I appreciated that she had that kind of relationship with him.

Stacey called John D and told him about Dad. He came right over. John's been a good friend of Stacey's and our family ever since junior high. He was one of the farm kids and had worked many days there. He loved Dad. Pretty soon Dede showed up and the four of us had a real nice time sharing farm stories. It was really wonderful. John left at around 11:30.

And then it was us three girls and Dad. The attendants came in and changed him and got him into a gown. We sat with him and talked and laughed and waited. Stacey was having trouble with allergies and was pretty uncomfortable. We decied that Stacey and I would go back to her house and get a little sleep and then come back to relieve Dede. Dad's breathing was stable and consistent and his blood pressure had come up a bit. It seemed like he could last for several more hours. Stacey and I left.

When I got to Stacey's I went to sleep pretty much right away. I found out in the morning that Dede had called at 4:30 and said that Dad had passed. She said he relaxed and his breathing slowed down. She had set him up with an iPod earlier in the evening and was playing Uncle Buddy's recordings of hymns for him. Dad took a few more breaths and that was it. We think it's pretty cool that Buddy's voice was the last one Dad heard.

I'll write more about the day later. I have to get ready for school.

I met people.

Tonight I went downtown to play music with Terry from uke circle. He plays with friends on Thursdays during Art Walk. They always play on the front steps of their church. This is the same church where I did those two shows. When I got there Terry was the only one there playing. He had invited a bunch of people and I was the only one who showed up. No big deal. Terry knows enough songs to be able to handle a show on his own and the scene was very informal. He and I goofed around for about an hour and a half, singing and playing for pretty much no one. There's not much Art Walk action on that corner. I considered this to be good practice for my upcoming busking adventure.

When I left I didn't really feel like going home. I remembered that they have open mike at Coffee Depot on Thursdays so I decided to see what was hoppin'. At least I could get a cup of coffee. When I got there it was pretty much the same as it was when Jeff and Bill and I went. Everyone in that room were all pretty young. It didn't look all that interesting to me so I got some coffee and sat down on one of the comfy sofas in the front room. A group of older guys (my age) were playing guitars. I was really enjoying listening to them. Then a guy came over and sat down on the sofa next to me. I mean, he sat on a different sofa that was next to the one I was sitting on. Almost immediately we started having a nice chat about music. He told me his band is playing at the Plaza on Saturday and gave me a flyer. Then another guy sat down on the sofa across from us. He was tuning an unusual looking tenor ukulele. Guy #1 (name's Jeff) and I started talking about ukes. Guy #2 (name's Tom) went to play with the guitar guys. I went out to the car and got my uke and book bag. Jeff and I continued with our conversation. Pretty soon Tom and one of the guitar guys came over and joined us. It was just a really nice conversation with a bunch of musicians I had never met before. That's unusual for me. I'm not shy about talking to people but usually I don't have all that much to contribute. This was different. I even sang a couple songs with Tom.

I stayed there until almost 11:30. I'll probably go see Jeff's band on Saturday. He also told me about some stuff that's happening on Friday night that I'm thinking of going to. I felt really good when I left the Coffee Depot. I'm not that good at meeting people and I felt really comfortable with those guys. They seemed to like me too.

My first speech.

Yesterday we gave speeches in class. It was an introductory speech. We were supposed to bring in an object that represents who we are and tie it into the speech. I chose my Fire Monkey icon.

Last week we did an exercise where everyone shared what their greatest public speaking fear was. On the list were forgetting, sweating, fidgeting, rambling, giggling. My item was speaking on a subject that I'm too emotionally invested in. The solution for that is to pick a safe subject.

Most of my speech had to do with my creativity and my humor. I did mention a little bit about having a dad with Alzheimer's and the loss of my husband, but I made sure those points were only briefly touched on. I was safe.

Then this girl, who was three people ahead of me, got up and gave her speech about her best friend who was killed in a car accident a couple years ago. She went on and on about how she doesn't know who she is without this person, about how she sometimes thinks she can just pick up the phone and call her and how she longed for another hug. She was the SADDEST GIRL IN THE WORLD.

After she sat down I started to tear up. I can't just be a little moved by something and shed a few tears and then move on. I sat at my desk and wept. I'm thinking, oh shit. Stop. Just stop. No good. After the next guy finished speaking I left the room. I went to the bathroom and worked like mad on pulling myself together. I know I still looked like a wreck when I went back to the room. And then it was my turn.

I had to open the speech by acknowledging the fact that Sad Girl's speech got to me. I did ok until I got to the part where I mentioned Jim. My throat closed up but I managed to fight through it. I felt like such a dope because the rest of the speech was about my sense of humor and playing the uke and writing songs. People did laugh at the funny parts but damn it, that girl fucked me up! Oh well, I think it went over ok.

Next time I'm going to demand to go first.

A quick one

I visited Dad yesterday. He was sound asleep when I got there and he stayed that way. Usually he catnaps and if I say hi to him he wakes up. This time he didn't. I got out the uke and played softly for him. After about 40 minutes I left. One thing I noticed-- Dad was very well-cushioned. Like, really well. Good thing somebody's listening.

Sometimes we get excited about stupid things.

I'm excited about my freshly painted shelves and cabinets. They are ready to receive tools, chemicals and other workshop supplies. Everything, (well, almost everything) is in place. It just needs to be all screwed together so it won't fall apart in an earthquake. This is going to make such a huge difference. All the tools will be in one place and I'll be able to eliminate about 10 boxes that are taking up space in the garage. There will be a place for the kind of art supplies that don't really belong in my studio. Things like mosaic tiles and bags of grout. Really, this is all I can think about right now. I'm giddy about my garage.

No one else would be impressed because it's still a huge mess. But at least now everything has a place to go. At least now it can be cleaned.

I'm also getting excited about my pergola project. I bought a pergola kit from Kmart last spring. The basic frame is ok but the cover that came with it blows off all the time. It looked good but didn't function well. I'm going to add some wooden cleats to the frame and cover one side and the top with trellis panels. I've been engineering it in my head and I think I have it worked out. I think it'll cost around $100 to retrofit the whole thing. Once it's done it should make a nice little patio. One thing I've been missing here is an outdoor hang out space. At the farm I had my fabulous front porch. This one won't have a view but it will be cozy. I'm looking forward to it.

Other projects I want to tackle this spring-

The hallway between the kitchen and the office- I want to finish taking off the wall paper, paint the walls, sand down one wall and paint a large rectangle with chalkboard paint, frame the rectangle, change the light fixture. This will be my message center.

The back bathroom- Take down the wall paper, paint the walls a latte color, ceiling a lighter shade, the vanity a darker shade. I need to repair the big hole in the wall where they took out the heater and replaced it with a sheet of cheap, wood paneling, install new floor and a new faucet. New window treatment, towel bars, toilet paper dispenser. I'm going to try to keep it all under $150.

My room- Take down the wall paper, paint, new light fixture, repair the furniture I got from Mindy, cut down my bed and re=upholster the headboard, assemble the bed, rework the curtains.

Kitchen- Finish the capiz shell window treatments, paint the walls.

That's enough for now.

Too bad if they're embarrassed.

I just got back from a crappy Dad visit. When I got there he was in the dining room. One of the attendants was trying to feed him. "C'mon, Mr. Lang, just take a bite..." Dad was yelling in pain. I stepped up and let her know that I'd try to feed him. He kept squirming around and crying out. I asked him several times what was hurting but he just can't answer questions like that anymore. I checked his legs. His right knee was jammed up against the rail. Against the CORNER of the rail. We're talkin' a sharp, 90 degree angle. His leg had a big red mark where the rail was pressing. I shoved a pillow between the rail and his knee and he quieted right down. I called one of the staff over to show her what had happened. She called the attendant over who had been trying to feed him. I told them that Dad must always be cushioned. If he's yelling in pain there's a good chance it's because he's pressed up against the rails. I was pretty pissed but I held it together. Oh yeah, and Dad was also soaking wet. I don't think that had just happened. And his mouth was so dry his lips were curled back. I got him some water and he took a big swig, swished it around in his mouth and then spit it out against the wall (Heh!).

Just then I heard an announcement. They were going to be having a meeting in the living room and all the families of the residents were invited. I had them take Dad back to his room so he could get cleaned up. I told them I'd try to feed him more of his dinner in there. While we were waiting for an attendant to lift him back into bed dad fell asleep. I went to the meeting.

There were about 8 family members there and three officious-looking men sitting at a table. They were touting the features and services of Airforce Village. A few people asked questions. I sat and listened. I wasn't sure at that point if I was going to say anything about the seemingly persistent problem of Dad's limbs pressing against hard metal. Then the head cheese said, "Are there any other questions or comments?" Ok, what the hell. I raised my hand.

I told them what had just happened in the dining room and that it had happened before. I told them we had talked to the caregivers and the head nurse about the problem. I told them if my dad is yelling in pain they need to investigate. Yes, he just might be in pain just because, but they have to at least try to find the cause. The officious panel turned into headlight-blinded deer. I told them that overall we've been satisfied with his care. I told them that the other places Dad had been couldn't seem to get his meds right so that his crazy behavior was under control. Airforce Village was doing a good job with that. They assured me that they'd take care of it, and I'm pretty sure they will. They looked like they reeeally wished they had moved on and not taken any more questions. Then they introduced a woman who was from a local mortuary who was going to talk about "pre-need". I said, "Ok, thanks, I'm going back to my dad" and left.

I went back to Dad's room just as the attendant was lifting him back into bed. He was slipping out of the sling! He was scared to death and yelling his head off. Cussing, too. A lot. She got him into bed before he fell out the bottom of the sling. Then a different attendant, the one in the dining room, came in to change him and get him ready for bed. As she was cleaning him up we both noticed that he had an angry-looking red patch on his back. I couldn't tell if it was a bed sore or diaper rash. She called for a nurse to come look at it but she didn't show up in the time I was there. After Dad was clean and settled I got out the uke and sang him a few songs before he fell asleep. Then I put the uke away and got a piece of paper and a pen. I made a sign the said- If Mr. Lang is yelling in pain please check his arms and legs to make sure they aren't pressed against the metal rails. Please make sure he is always cushioned. He moves around a lot and might lose his pillows. If he is in pain there's a good chance that he's pressed against the rail.

I also drew a picture of a leg pressed against a rail and drew wavy pain lines emanating from the knee. I wrote "ouch!" next to it. Then I tacked it to the wall where I was pretty sure they'd see it. Then I left.

So, fuck 'em if they were embarrassed. Too bad. I'm sure Dad isn't the only one who has to endure hours of pain because some dope didn't bother to check to see what was causing it. These people need some training on this issue. I'll also talk to Dede and have her tell them to give him some water. Just plain, unthickened water. He can handle it and he needs it. Letting him go all day with his mouth so dry he can't pull his lips over his teeth is just plain cruel and, I think, lazy on their part.

Ugh!

Tra-la-la!

I'm painting my garage. I can't do it all at once because there's so much stuff in there. I'm working on one section at a time. But, hey, progress! I went to Lowe's yesterday and bought paint. I found a gallon of pre-mixed paint on clearance for five bucks. I love getting deals like that. And it was almost the exact color I was thinking of anyway. I also bought a gallon of white ($7) to do the cabinets. It feels good to finally get started on pulling it all together.

Lio wants to hang out with me while I paint but I have to keep an eye on him. Or I should say I have to keep an eye on Lady. Lio really wants to make friends with the dogs but Lady keeps getting aggressive with him. A couple months ago when Lio got chomped I thought Boz was the one who did it. Now I'm pretty sure it was Lady. Today she really went after Lio. I chased her around the yard with a broom. It didn't seem to make much difference because she came back for more. Her days are numbered.

Tonight I'm going to play music with a new group of people. One of the guys in our uke circle is hosting a beer and music night at his house. Should be fun. I have to come up with a couple of songs to share.

But right now I'm going back out to the garage. I'm a paintin' fool.

Goodbye, Gracie

The hardest thing about having pets is when we have to let them go. When we got Gracie as an eight-week-old puppy one of the first things I said to her was, "You're going to put me through it someday." Today is that day. But I'm doing ok. It really was time to let her go. Her last six months weren't good ones.

She was a fun dog. One of the things that impressed me the most when she was a young dog was how gung-ho she was about everything. Whatever it was, Gracie wanted to participate. She even loved fireworks. She would fetch the biggest stick you could throw and if she was near water she would swim, like, forever.

Once, when we were at the river she got into searching for the big rocks that were underwater near the shore. She would dive down, grab a rock and then carry it up to the beach. Pretty soon she had a big pile of rocks. When we were setting up camp we were looking around for a rock to weigh down a tarp. Gracie walked right up and dropped a big rock perfectly on the corner right where we needed it.

One one trip, when Audra and Tori were little, we came up with this game where the girls would be on a float and grab onto Gracie's hair. Then we'd throw a ball as far as we could out into the water. Gracie swam out to the ball taking the girls for a ride. You just got the feeling that she really enjoyed it.

Gracie even had a pretty good sense of humor. She loved to growl when she played, like she was the biggest bad-ass dog in the world. You could pretend like you were going to take her ball or her tug and she would growl and bark like she was ready to take your hand off but she knew it was all part of the game and she really enjoyed it. Even the neighborhood kids in Santa Rosa would play with her like that. They knew she would never bite them. Brian K. would come over and play rough with her. Ooh, she loooved Brian.

Making the decision to put her down was a tough one. She was Jim's buddy. Letting Gracie go was like releasing another piece of Jim. I knew it needed to happen but it was hard to know when. Today she was really struggling and her eyes looked kind of sad. It was time.

She was a good girl.

Dickens and Dad

On Friday we had a birthday party for Dad at Airforce Village. He turned 80 yesterday. They had reserved the living room for us and even decorated it with balloons and a banner. The staff there sure do like him. When we arrived Dad was parked near the nurse's station. He was pretty sleepy and not very responsive, so I was a little worried he'd be zoned out for his party. But it didn't take long for him to come around. We wheeled him into the living room and had a quiet visit while we waited for everyone else to show up. Lindsay and Kyle, Paige and Gabe, and Chelsey and David were with me and Paige had brought Charlie. Dad really liked her and asked if he could hold her. Charlie was a little freaked out so she was a little squirmy, but I thought it was good that Dad was enjoying petting the puppy. Dad's three church ladies were the next to arrive. They really took good care of him during that time right after his driver's license was taken away. He was glad to see them.

Everyone else started to trickle in after that. Dede and Michael, Debbie and Bob, Drew's family, Stacey's family. The room really filled up. Dede had picked up Mexican food from Olivia's and Scotty brought margaritas. Dad's regular food tray arrived and we set it aside and gave him some refried beans and some cut up enchilada. He didn't eat much. We're wondering if his tongue hurts. It's really hard to get the inside of his mouth clean because he can't understand what you're trying to do. He'll open his mouth just a little bit and when you put something in he bites down. So, we think maybe all that build-up has caused an infection of some kind. He grimaces with every bite.

After dinner I got out the uke and sang some songs. Then Dede showed a video she had made from photos, old movie footage and some audio recordings of Dad. It was really beautiful. She did such a good job on it. Dad watched the whole thing and I know he enjoyed it.

After that we just had a nice, quiet visit. My kids left and then the church ladies. Scotty took the younger kids out so we could make our departure a more gentle transition. We were going to take Dad back to his room but his attendant was on her break and there was no one else to lift him back into his bed. He seemed like he was starting to get uncomfortable and every once in a while would moan or cry out in pain. We all stood around him trying to help him get comfortable and trying to figure out what was hurting him. It took a while for the attendant to come to take him back to his room. When she showed up we all left.

When I got home I took a shower and started working on my hair. Since I needed to be at the church pretty early I didn't want to take the chance that I'd run into problems trying to get my straight hair into a curly, Victorian updo. I had just finished setting it on hot rollers when the electricity went out. It was a crazy, stupid scene. I rolled my hair and then fed the dogs. You have to stand there while they eat or they'll fight. I had left the door to the sun room open so they knew they were being watched, and sat down at the computer. Then BAM, the lights went out, the computer shut down and the dogs IMMEDIATELY started fighting. Right after I broke that up the electricity came back on and all the smoke alarms went off. It was three minutes of chaos and stress. Then the power went out again. I made my way to the kitchen and found some matches and a candle. Chelsey and David were sleeping in the tv room. I wanted them to have some light in case they needed to get up so I put out a few of those battery operated, fake tea lights. I thought it looked pretty funny but at least it was a solution.

Saturday morning I got up and fixed my hair (turned out pretty good) and went to the church for a very long day of performing. Both shows went really well. I had three hours to kill in between shows so I got my uke out of the car and found a quiet room to hang out in. It rained the whole time on both days, which I'm sure kept people away. Our shows were full, though.

After that I went to Stacey's. Scotty grilled steaks and chicken and we had salad and leftover mexican food. David was there this time. We all had a good dinner and a nice visit. It was good to spend some more time with Debbie and Bob and look at their pictures.

Yesterday we only had one show in the afternoon. It was nice to spend some leisurely hours at home getting ready. Today I took out all the stitching that I had done on my costume and later I'll take it to the cleaners. You really can't tell that I had altered it in any way.

It's raining. A lot.