A big pile of dirt

Yesterday evening I walked with Jeff up the Rube. Afterward, I decided to swing by Trader Joe's. I was taking the same route I would take to go back to the farm. It was still light outside so I figured, what the hell, let's go have a look at the farm. I had heard that the houses were gone and I wanted to see it before they started building. I really had to work myself up for it. I didn't know how it would affect me emotionally. The way things have been lately I wasn't so sure I wanted to put myself through more upheaval. But hey, since I'm already driving in that direction...

Boy, that was weird. It's just a big, empty hill. The fence is still up around he front with the sign I painted (We're closed. Thank you, Riverside) still hanging there. The front gate was open so I parked on the street and went up the hill. It was dark by then. I walked straight up saying, "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" the whole way. I got to the top and stood right where Dad's back door used to be. There's still a hole where the pool was, and a hole where the front of Dad's garage was, but everything else is pretty unrecognizable. Just dirt, nothing else. The boulder in the front field is still there. I didn't walk over to where our house used to be. Too dark and too dangerous. Without the farm's features you can really see how big it was.

So weird! Everything gone. Where Jim and I got married, where Stacey and Scotty, Drew and Mindy, and Dede and David had their wedding receptions, the Hoedowns, the parties, the work, the Christmas trees, where we had our horses and animals- all gone. Scraped clean. Just dirt.

I was a little surprised at how ok I was with it all. No sadness. Just WEIRD!