Got a mouth guard yesterday. Ugh! Twenty dollars for the cheapest model.
Ok, first you take it out of the package. It's huge! Then you put it in your mouth and check the fit. Then you gag horribly and take it out of your mouth. Then you walk around the house for 15 minutes trying to find something that'll trim it down to size (scissors will do). Then you cut a little off and stick it back in your mouth. You gag again. Then you cut off some more and stick it back in your mouth. Then gag. Repeat this process until you've chopped off almost all of the sides (about ten bucks worth of plastic). Then when you've found the magic non-gagging size bite down on it until your teeth fit into the groove and you can make a light impression. Gag again. Remove torture device.
Boil it in water for 30 seconds. Take it out and dip it in cold water for one second (except you're afraid you'll burn your mouth so you dip it for two seconds). Then, fighting the gag reflex, you put the soft, mishapen blob of plastic in your mouth, try to find the groove for your teeth, bite down and shape it around your teeth and gums. Try not to gag. Really, don't gag. Don't gag. Don't gaaAAAAAGGGGHHHHCCCCHHHH@$#&*!!!!!! Expel vile object.
Dip it in cold water for 30 seconds to set. Peel off support strip. Congratulations! You have just made your own mouth guard that DOESN'T fit your mouth! Now insert it and go to bed. Lay awake for hours drooling onto your pillow. Eventually fall asleep and dream about sucking on a giant piece of Costco plastic packaging.
Awake refreshed.
10 comments:
bwahahah, yeah they aint very comfortable. you might try learning how to actively keep your tongue pressed up to the palate of your mouth which helps to keep the upper and lower teeth parted.
i will warn you it took me months of active work to learn how to do this naturally.
Reminds me of trying to get used to the teeth whitening thing the dentist made me. The hygenist didn't fit the mold properly so it didn't fit quite right in my mouth.
Mmm, plastic.
Yes, I will be working on adopting the habit of keeping my teeth parted. Already it feels uncomfortable when my jaw closes enough for them to meet. Getting my stress level down will help. That's going to be a bit of a trick since I'm still dealing with grief. I guess it's possible to grieve with serenity, eh? I'm sure meditation would help.
I'll bet a well-fitted mouth guard would be easy to get used to. I need to find a new dentist.
yes, i think mindful meditation will felp as well as focused thought to keep the jaws to relax. you might want to set your watch timer (assuming u have one) to chime every 15 or 30 mins to chek if u are clenching teeth.
felp?
It's nice to know that there is some advantage to being slack-jawed.
--leg
Duh, yuh.
I'm practicing.
Oh goody, I'm going to bed now. A second night of slumbering bliss.
Last night was better. I had stayed up pretty late and was very sleepy when I got into bed. I took the guard out of its case and fell asleep holding it. I woke up a little later because I was grinding. I thought it was pretty funny that I found myself holding the guard in my hand. I put it in my mouth and went right back to sleep. No problems this time.
happy mothers day!
good job wearing the guard! i hope you notice a difference today.
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