Teeny, tiny changes

Just a little bit better today. We've been told that that's the way these things progress. With strokes there's a whole lot of waiting.

He had a third CAT scan this morning. We (Ken, Sherri and me) waited all day for the results but the neurosurgeon never showed up, at least not while we were there. The nurse (Christine, freakin awesome) called for the results. No change. This is good news.

They moved him to a bigger bed, an air bed. It has cells that inflate and deflate to help keep him from getting bed sores. He also has inflatable leggings that help to keep the circulation going in his legs. This afternoon they installed (?) a "central line". That's a kind of IV that they stick into a large vein in the neck or the groin. Jim got the neck job. It has three ports that can receive all his meds. They can also draw blood from it so they don't have to stick him so much. This morning they described him as a "hard stick". (insert joke here) It means his veins are rubbery and tend to slip out from under the needle. It makes it hard to get an IV in. He still has an IV in his arm and on one foot but he's much less "tubey". Seriously, the dude is majorly hooked up. He's got the machine that goes "PING".

Drew brought Dad this morning. At first he was doing well. The nurse came in to do a procedure on Jim and had to kick us out for a while. We decided to go to the cafeteria and get some lunch. Well, the food was just awful. Not too surprising coming from a hospital cafeteria. Dad wanted to go back to the kitchen and give them an earfull. Drew and I tried to get him to drop it but he was determined. I finally told him that this was another source of stress for me and I really didn't need it right now. He was still pissed about it but he didn't go chew anyone out. We went back to Jim's room.

Drew left to go to the bathroom. I got out my uke and started playing for Jim. Dad kept interrupting with asinine comments about stuff he was seeing on tv. He seemed to get more and more snide and cocky. Dave Hockett came walking in. Ah! It was so good to see his smiling face! I got just a little concerned about having too many people in the room (they can be sticky about that) and mentioned something about Drew maybe having trouble getting back in. Just a little comment, almost nothing. Dad jumped up and went to the ICU door. He was going to make damn sure Drew would be able to get in. He started looking around for something to prop the door open. I told him he couldn't do that and he started to get nasty with me. I said, "We've already been bending the rules, Dad. They've been nice about it but we shouldn't push it." He said, "Are you going to let them tell you what you can do?" He was doing that maddening, arrogant thing where he tilts his head back and sneers while he talks. I told him he'd better not dare to fight me on this. (Seriously, don't fuck with me right now. I mean it.) Drew came in and I introduced them to Dave. Just then I got a phone call from one of the doctors. As I walked out I gave Drew a little nudge to get his attention. After I was finished with my call I motioned to Drew, you know that little across the neck, off-with-his-head motion. Drew stepped out to where Dad couldn't see him and I said, "Time for him to leave. Get him out of here." I briefly explained to him what Dad had been doing. I love how it doesn't take very many words for us sibs to communicate. After a few more minutes of visiting he took Dad home. Then I had a very nice visit with Dave.

Jim was playing a gig with Dave's band the night before he had his stroke. He LOVES playing with these guys. I'm so glad he got to do that before he got sick. If he never gets to play another note at least he had that last great gig.

Back to Dad. I think I've told everyone now that I want Dad's visits to be brief. I don't want him going to the hospital with me. One of the sibs can pick him up, let him visit for half an hour and then take him home. Dad had arranged for his friend Helen to give him a ride to the hospital tomorrow. He had forgotten that he has a VA appointment but we got that straightened out. We need to tell Helen that Dad can only come to the hospital with family. We'll also explain it to Dad but he'll probably forget.

Steve and Debbie Anderson visited this morning. Tim Frasier was there for a while before I got there. Ken said he talked to Jim a lot. Tim Frasier is cool. This afternoon Sherri's parents came, Amber showed up a little later. Amber gave me a couple of Xanax. Dude! Scoring drugs in the hospital! Sherri had told her I was having a little trouble with the shakes. I've been twitchy and jumpy and I feel like I'm going to throw up half the time. I'm actually better now but it was so sweet of Amber to help me out. I'll hold onto the Xanax until I need them. I had the same problem after 9-11. My doc gave me some low dose valium. Really took the edge off. I'll be talking to my doc at Kaiser about it and see if she'll give me a little something. In the meantime if I need it I have the Xanax. David and Dede are coming down this weekend. He might be able to set me up. We'll see.

Jeez, it sounds like I'm jonesing for some smack.

Lindsay and Kyle were with me a lot today. They brought Jim's iPod Shuffle filled with his latest faves and some big, cushy headphones. After we placed them on his head and got the music going Kyle said it looked like either the best or the worst iPod commercial. I about hit the floor. I didn't want to laugh too loud but damn, that was funny. This was a day of laughter, so much better than yesterday. The little bit of good news about Jim really helped to lighten things up. It was ok to laugh. Still lots of crying, fear and worry but also so much love and lightness.

I left the hospital and came home, grabbed the kids and we all went to the Spunky Steer for red meat consumption. More laughter. I love them all. Lindsay, Paige, Kyle and Rory. The only thing missing was Jim.