Happy Solstice, everyone! Go howl at the moon.
I'm glad summer is here. Glad Paige is out of school. She needed a break. Glad I don't have to get up early to take her to school.
Today Bud Lyon came by. He was all concerned about how much water the trees were getting. Like, way too much. He always asks me to deal with the water but I think Dad turns it on when he's not supposed to. Bud took Dad out for breakfast. Later he called me to let me know he's coming back tomorrow. He said, "Boy, you're really not your dad's favorite today." I guess Dad was going off about me to Bud. I told him that we all take turns being not Dad's favorite. Funny, when I was helping him with meds this morning he was all cheery. Five minutes after I left he was bitching about me to Bud.
Counting down the days.
It's been five months now since Jim died. I've noticed that the grief has really subsided quite a bit. It comes at me in much smaller pieces. It's still easy to cry when I'm talking to other people about him but it seems to be a shared sadness. When I'm on my own I'm pretty much ok. I'm not feeling that heaviness in my chest anymore. When I look around at his stuff it feels more like my stuff. Still, I kind of avoid looking at pictures of him and listening to his music. I think I just needed a break from all the heaviness.
I'm also finding it easier to view my life as my own. I'll describe things as being "mine" instead of "ours". Everything is getting easier. It's a good thing because soon things are going to get harder in some ways. After the July trip I'll be looking for a job. A few months after that I'll be looking for a house. I'll be selling our cars and getting new (used) ones. Another big life change is coming.
So, I think this summer is going to be an important one. Oh wow, I just realized. Years ago when one of my friends broke up with her husband we spent that summer hanging out at her house just having fun together. The kids would play and we girls would fix great dinners and watch MTV. The breakup was an ugly one and it was hard for their family to adjust. Being together like that was more than just having a good time. We created a positive and nurturing environment where there was no fighting (well, except for the kids) and we filled the house with music and laughter and kept it going for the whole summer.
Oh man, that is IT! That's what I want this summer! I want to make sure we do LOTS of fun crap. Tomorrow night I'm getting togther with Ken and John to play music. It'll be the first time we've played together since we lost Jim and the first time I'll be playing uke with them. Paige wants to have a party on Saturday. I want to go to lots of LA shows. There are free concerts at Fairmount Park. There's the annual Mt. Rubidoux fire on July 4th. Maybe a river trip or two. Oh, yes, this is what I want.
Suddenly I'm all excited.
6 comments:
Are they doing the concerts at Fairmount Park again?!? Oh I loved those!
Five months. Geez. It doesn't seem that long.
--leg
Really? Fairmount park? You'll have to post a link about them. We used to go to the every Sun evening ones at UCR. But now that program is defunct.
We always have a large group that goes to the concerts (3 families).
Wow, 5 months.
I got a thing in the mail about summer activities in Riverside that listed the concerts. I'll poke around a little and see if I can find them. They're on Wednesday evenings.
Yep, five months. I feel like I've lived a lifetime in those five months. So much has changed. And it's still hard to believe that Jim is gone. Tonight I went to Ken's to play music with him and John. There's was this weird chunk that felt like a weight around my neck. The chunk of empty space that Jim was supposed to fill. There are songs we'll never be able to perform again, a sound we used to have that's now gone. Now we're an acoustic garden party trio. It's ok. We'll evolve. It's just still so foreign feeling.
But it was actually pretty fun tonight. Poor Ken smashed his finger, like, major ow, so he couldn't play guitar. John brought this effects thingy that makes it sound like he owns every kind of guitar in the world. It's way cool. So, John and I played and the three of us sang. We're getting together again next Thursday.
Still, I think it'll be a while before this new incarnation feels natural.
Riverside summer info
Hey, that looks cool. I wish it were on Sundays tho. I'll have to see if the families want to do it (most of us work, and I work til 5:30). Not a lot of time for me to figure out some kind of picnic food to take there and still find parking. But maybe the hub can do all that.
Of course he can. School's out. All he'll be doing is laying around the house all day eating bon bons and watching soap operas.
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