Open mike

Wow, it was a good one.

Bill, Jeff and I met Eric (from uke circle) and his wife for dinner at Heroes. Heroes is a restaurant that serves mass quantities. After eating like a bird for most of the week it sure looked weird to me to see those plates piled ever so high with food being carried through the restaurant. I didn't feel like I was being deprived, it was more like, wow, nobody should ever eat that much food. I ordered a tuna avocado roll up. The sucker was enormous! I took one bits and decided the wrap was too cardboardy. I hollowed the salad out of it and had that. Didn't eat the fries. I was more than satisfied.

After that we headed for the Folk Center. All the regulars were there. Lots of newbies, too. I was planning to sing my Health Science song. I squirmed a little because there were two kids sitting right in front of us and this song is a just a bit randy. After talking it over with Jeff I decided to sing the song and not worry too much about offending delicate ears. When I got up to sing I did say, "Cover the kid's ears" before launching into the song. I'm happy to report it was a hit! People laughed a lot. When I sat back down I apologized the the kid's mother. She said, "Oh, no, that was great! Don't worry about it." A little later her two kids, a girl and a boy, got up and performed. Wow. They did Closer To Fine by The Indigo Girls. Jeez, they were really good.

Jeff sang his newest song, which I think is his best yet. Kind of a bluesy, funny, haiku thing. Bill sang a song about his grandfather's chili. Shades of childhood. Nice and bittersweet. Eric sang I'll Remember You by Kui Lee. I want to learn that one. Eric did a nice job. It was his first open mike.

Ok, here are the lyrics to my song. Everything in it was covered in class-

Health Science teacher
talkin' sex and STDs
birth control and obesity
drugs and heart disease

Eat right, sleep tight, exercise
give your body what it wants
Go out jogging, meet a cougar.
Test your fight or flight response

Chorus-
Can you name all your parts?
Do you know what they do?
Do you stand or sit
when you go to the loo?
Do you roll right over
when you've had a good screw?
Do you know all there is to know about you?

Don't smoke, don't drink and don't shoot up
and treat your sweetie nice.
Don't go to bed with strangers
and you won't get pubic lice

And it's ok to use your hand
or a penis that is fake
Just don't have sex with trees or pets
and don't insert a snake

And say your boyfriend ups and dies
or girlfriend kicks the bucket
Just because it can't say no
doesn't mean it's ok to fuck it

(Oh yeah, necrophilia was covered)

Chorus-

A drink or two can break the ice
and send things in a friendly direction
But not too much, cause when it's time to perform
you might not get an erection

And if you're a girl take extra care
Protect your drink just like it's a child
Something might slip in and the next thing you know
you're the sweetheart of Girls Gone Wild

Chorus-

Mr. Beaman taught us how to stay healthy
but you'll probably still catch a cold
Just apply what you've learned
and if you're good and lucky
you'll die when you're very old

Hello, gorgeous

Thanks for being here.

Ok, now it is

Today was mellow and uneventful. I went to work and had a good day. Michele called but the conversation was cut a bit short because my phone went dead. Thanks for the call, Michele! After work I went to see Dad. He was much better than last time. I played for him and he sang along. He remembered my name. It was a good visit.

Last night I went to the first weight loss class. It's a pretty intense program but I feel much better about it now. I need to lose 3 pounds before they'll let me have the protein shakes. I guess it's some kind of test to see if you're able to comply. So, today I figure I took in about 1100 calories. This week I have to keep a very detailed food log. I have to record everything I eat and drink, how hungry I am before I eat, where, what my body position is, my emotions, how long it takes me to eat each meal, and the time of day.

So, it looks like the focus of the bloggy is going to change again. It started out as a Halloween blog, then morphed into the Alzheimer's blog, then the losing Jim/grieving widow blog, then the settling-into-this-new-life blog, and now it'll be the freakin' intense, medically supervised, extreme dieting blog. I feel like I just got in line at Disneyland.

So, happy birthday to me. I'm 52.

And it's not even my birthday yet

I got a very nice surprise lunch at work today. They all know that I'm starting a very strict diet on Thursday so they gave me an early party. Usually for office birthdays we just have cake and eat it standing up. Today everyone brought potluck- Chicken, salad, layered dip, potato salad and cookies. They set up a table in the common area and we had a nice sit down lunch.

After work I met the girls and Gabe and Ken at Joe's Sushi. Ken's been wanting to go out for sushi with us and since I'm not going to be able to have any for six months I figured tonight's the night. We got there just before they opened. Ken and I sat at the bar. When the girls arrived Jin saw that they were carrying gifts. When he saw that they were for me he brought over a BIG bottle of hot sake and a whole bottle of wine for me to take home. And it wasn't cheap sake, either. This was the good stuff. I shared it with Ken.

Our chef was having fun dreaming up marvelous sushi structures for us. Freakin' deeelish! One one of the plates of sushiu he put down a blob of wasabi, stuck a lighted birthday candle in it and covered it with a very thinly sliced cylinder of cucumber. It looked like a pretty lantern. A very nice touch. At the end of the meal they had me get up on a chair (ha! I couldn't climb up all the way so I perched on my knees), gave me a bowl of green tea ice cream and had the whole restaurant sing Happy Birthday to me. It was a great Joe's experience.

The girls gave me some fun gifts (wrapped in the most gorgeous paper. I wonder where they got it?). I got some cute skeleton lights, some cat candles and a big, ceramic cat head that will make a great candy dish. They also gave me a Dwight Shrute stress reliever. It's a squeezable, rubber Dwight head. They also paid for most of the dinner. Ken bought mine. Thanks, everyone!

Tomorrow I go for the first weight loss class. I'll be going once a week. On Thursday I'll start the diet. Here we go! 800 calories a day!

The show

Ahhh, all done. I really needed to get back to my life. Still, I had fun.

Saturday was the dinner show. I think we did better on Saturday, even though there were more screw-ups. The energy was better and I liked that the house was good and dark during the blackouts. Today's show was fun because Lindsay, Paige, Kyle and Gabe were there. Virginia and Jeff came, too. It was nice seeing them all out there while I was performing. Kind of a security blanket.

I was pleased that the props turned out so well. People laughed when we came out in those big hats. We're supposed to walk out all snooty and then sit down and start singing. Today I misjudged where I was and sat down halfway off my chair. I almost fell over! It just added to the comedy.

Near the end of the show a woman came up to the front and started hassling this old lady at one of the front tables. They argued for a little while and then both of them walked out. I have no idea what it was about. Virginia said the whole thing started at the back of the room. I couldn't see it because the lights were in my eyes. I guess I'll find out what happened eventually. We're going to have a cast party and watch the video of the performance. Maybe someone will know by then what it was all about.

Well, it was fun doing a show. I hadn't done one since just before we left Santa Rosa. I hope I can find the time to do more.

Whew, I'm tired.

Props, props, props

I stayed home from work today. Partly to work on props, but also to be here for the plumber. Hoo boy, big plumbing bill. He changed the faulty main valve and added a new regulator. He unstuck the shower valve. He slowed down the hot faucet leak, but he couldn't stop it completely. The whole thing is just too old and corroded. So, remodeling the second bathroom has become a bigger priority. Puh! He also thinks I should move the water heater outside. A lot of houses in the neighborhood are like that. Boy, I really need that new job.

I've been working like crazy to get these props done. It's going ok, I guess. The hats are about half done, the masks are done and the pocket watches. I did the graphics work (not much, really) for the sing-along signs but I can't burn it onto a disk so I can take it to a copy place and get oversized copies. I emailed it to my work address. I'll go in tomorrow and burn a disk there. Then I'll go to Kinko's, or FedEx, or whatever the hell they're calling it these days, and get the oversized copies made. Then I'll spray mount them onto poster board and reinforce the edges.

I'm going for a walk and then come back and continue the gluing.

Almost too tired to blog

I might actually go to bed early tonight.

Yesterday was long and busy and high pressure. I went to Kaiser first thing to have blood drawn and get a chest xray. I'm starting this kind of extreme weight loss program at the end of the month which requires some lab tests and a check up. Bleah. I grabbed some breakfast and then went to Michael's to pick up supplies. I'm making props for the show: 4 big, fancy hats, 9 big pocket watches, 7 hideous masks, and I don't know how many big cards with lyrics on them so the audience can sing along on one of the songs. I have a LOT of work to do.

Then I went into work to do my resume (my sparse resume) and turn in my application for the receptionist job. Dr. Debbie wrote me a very nice letter of recommendation which I also submitted. The process for submitting an application is kind of unfriendly. You have to submit all the documents at once and they're not very clear about explaining how to do it. If you screw it up you don't get a second chance. I had some trouble getting Dr. Deb's letter to attach, but it all finally went through. Afterward, the release of all that pressure caused another emotional meltdown. Jeez, I'm doing too much crying in my car these days.

I went to MoVal to do some shopping. After having a nice, comforting lunch at Mimi's I went to Costco, Lowe's, and Michael's (again). By the time I finished all that it was 5:30. I got home and had about half an hour to sit and decompress before I left to go to show rehearsal. I got home at around 10:00.

This morning I had to be back at the church to rehearse at 8:00. We're having to do some emergency retooling. One of the cast members decided she was just too busy to do the show. The performance is in a week! Fortunately, she wasn't one of the chorus, just a guest performer with three big solos. It didn't mess up anything we had already staged, but it does mean we have to learn her songs and do some additional staging. People are pretty pissed at her but we're dealing with it.

Then I came home and got right to work making props. I've been doing that pretty much nonstop since noon. I finally had to stop because my eyes got all buggy. Tomorrow morning we're doing one of the songs during the church service. Then we're rehearsing for a few hours. After that I'll come home and resume the prop production line. I'm looking forward to the day when I can sleep in and spend a whole day in my jammies goofing off. I believe that will be September 26th.

Oh yeah, I'm tired. My brain is going buzz, buzz, buzz....

Not counting chickens

Both Scotty and Dr.Debbie sent me this job posting at RCC. It's a full-time receptionist job on campus that really seems like a prefect match for me. I've updated my application and Dr. Deb's going to write a letter of recommendation. I really think I have a shot at this one.

But boy, thinking about the possibility of getting it really messed with my head this afternoon. Last night was horrible. I was tossing and turning as the clock kept ticking off the hours. I was awake, awake, awake and totally consumed by worry, frustration and anger. I don't know if it was the bupropion, or my fears catching up to me or a combination of everything that has happened in the last couple years. Whatever it was, it fucked with me good. I had a glass of wine, hoping it would relax me. I got up and had a bowl of cereal, hoping for a carbo crash. Nothing helped. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. And when I did finally get to sleep my dreams were disjointed and awful. My dead kitty, Katie, showed up and made the dream sad. I got up and started making lists, just trying to get the shit out of my head. It was just plain awful.

Today at work it took me about two hours before I felt like I actually arrived. I was doing other things, personal things like faxing forms to Kaiser and Agilent. But it was a good work day and I got to end it by playing around with a graphics program. Tonight was my first American History class so I did the usual school night thing and went to a restaurant for dinner. On my way there I started thinking about the possibility of getting that job. It's full-time and it would more than double my take home pay. It would also be like getting a $500 a month raise because I'd have medical benefits for Paige and me. If I got that job it would be about 2 years sooner than planned. That would do it. That would fix everything. I was thinking wow, what will it be like to not live my life in constant fear? Suddenly I was overcome by a wave of emotion that smacked me good and hard. I started crying, sobbing. My eyes were burning because the eye cream I applied this morning mixed with tears and bathed my eyeballs in stinging chemicals. I could barely drive and there was no place to pull over. I laughed because it was such a ridiculous situation.

I pulled up to a merciful stop light, being careful not to rear-end the car in front of me. I had just cleaned out the car so there were no tissues, no napkins from Del Taco, nothing absorbent I could use to wipe my eyes. Oh well, my blouse was black so I used my sleeve. I had a couple more shudders of weeping and then got to the restaurant. I went to my table wearing sunglasses.

Jeez-o-friggin'-pete! I've been worried and scared and frustrated and overwhelmed and it SUCKS but I thought I was doing ok. I didn't know how truly afraid I was. Just the thought of not having to be afraid was enough to cause an explosion. The release took me over. I do think I have a decent chance of getting that job. It matches my skills and experience pretty well and I have GREAT references. But even if I don't, there was so much value in finding out how much fear I was holding inside of me. Oh man, I feel so much better.

So yeah, I'm not counting my chickens. But tonight at dinner I did make a list of all the stuff I'm going to do when I have money!

Contest!

Name Sarah Palin's next baby! The winner gets a no-expenses paid trip to the 2nd Annual Sarah Palin Baby Seal Clubbing Festival and Car Show. I'll start.

Trooper (in honor of her former brother-in-law)

Carjack

Staple

10010110101000101

Torque

Phleener

Ping-Pong

Pander

The lawyer's advocate

So... Lately the drama lawyer has been very nice to me. She still drives everyone a little nuts with her comments but I've reached the point where her screwy behaviors don't bother me. The other night as we were all leaving rehearsal, one the the women in the cast said to me, "She just has this tension that I really can't deal with." like she was in the middle of a conversation with someone else. I said, "Who?" She said, "Stacey (drama lawyer's name is Stacey). Her attitude is really affecting me and I just can't deal with it." I said, "Well, you'll probably have to find a way to include it and have it be ok because she's not going to change. Just accept that that's the way she is and just do what you need to do." She thought about it for a little bit and then agreed with me and thanked me for my counsel. Heh!

On the way home I was thinking about Stacey a lot. She and I are the only ones in the cast who aren't members of this church. She might be feeling like an outsider and her behavior might just be her way of coping. Besides, I don't think she's any more annoying than some of the other people in the cast.

We have kind of an odd thing in common. I have a sister named Stacey and she has a step-sister named Donita. I think that's why she started feeling comfortable with me. We had a friendly chat about our sisters and names 'n' stuff and things just relaxed.

So, yeah, she's my new BFF. Sorry, Dean.

Oh man, we ran through my big song, which has me running around the stage, and I could barely sing it! I was totally out of breath! I've been slacking off the exercise lately. Not good, for several reasons. So I've got to get back to it or I'll really suck in this show. Last night I went up the Rube and I'm planning to go again tonight. And tomorrow. And every day I possibly can so I can build up my stamina. Last night was the first time I used my iPod on my walk. Wow, it made a huge difference. I was groovin' to the tunes and didn't notice how hard I was working. I need better headphones, tho. Those dinky earbuds kept falling out of my ears.

Happy Birthday, Dean!!!!!

Sorry to post this so late. Texas is two hours ahead so I don't want to call. I mailed your card and gift too late to get there on time, but they are on their way. Happy Birthday! I love you!

You are now 52. I'm not far behind you. Yeesh, they keep comin', don't they? I guess it's better than the alternative.

I don't have an pictures of you on my iPhoto that I can post here. So, I'll recite the little poem from one of the coolest cards you ever got for me.

Friends will come, and friends will go
And friends will peter out, you know
But we'll be friends through thick and thin
Peter out, or peter in.

Smooch!