Dad

He was pretty out of it yesterday. He didn't sing along with me on the old songs like he usually does. He fell asleep several times and his aphasia was the worst I've seen since the stroke. When they brought him his dinner he kept trying to eat with his hands, even when I had a fork full of food right in front of his face. He tried to eat his napkin. He was doing that fretting over edges thing.

I don't know if it was because of the time of day or a dip in his meds or what. Another little stroke, maybe? Or is it the AD just progressing? A couple times he yelled for Dede and Stacey while I was sitting right next to him. Still, he was able to crack a couple little jokes. I was scooping up a bite of food for him when he reached for the mashed potatoes. I said, "Wait, Dad. I'm getting a bite ready for you." He said, "I want the other." I said, "Ok, but let's use the fork instead of your fingers." He said, "You don't love me anymore" and smiled. That was a joke.

He was sleepy but also on edge. He said he needed to go to the bathroom. When I left I let the staff know that they'd need to attend to him soon. It was kind of a crummy visit. He's been looking so good lately. Yesterday, not so much.

Wow. A year ago he still living in his house and still doing kind of ok on his own. Wasn't it a year ago that we first started cleaning up the farm? Jim's been gone 19 months. We've been in this house 8 months. Sometimes all of this makes me feel a little crazy.