Just an interview, really. I'm not cured or anything.
She said I need to take time for myself. Actually, I already do that. She said we need to hire someone to come in and help Dad. No, we're not ready for that yet.
Hold on.
Well, waddaya know? Dad came over with a new notice from the DMV. It says he has to turn his license in. He can request a hearing but he'll need a note from his doc saying he's recovered. He knows that won't happen. At first he was talking about trying to get the license back but as the conversation went on he could see that it's futile. He actually dealt with it pretty calmly. We made an appointment for him to go to the DMV tomorrow morning and turn his license in and replace it with a CA ID.
We talked a little about transportation alternatives and this time he was ready to listen- a little. We also talked about tree season coming up and I reminded him about the conversation we all had some months back about having the family do all the selling, not hiring employees. He couldn't quite get that one through his head. He said Dusty has already called him and he was planning to have her work in the mornings. He's forgotten that we were all suspicious of Dusty, that she was stealing from him last year. I'm sure we'll get it straightened out. I don't want Dusty around here. Even if she's not stealing from Dad she's just plain icky.
So we do need to have a family meeting with Dad and discuss the tree season. He's thinking it's going to business as usual. He thinks he can handle it even though I reminded him about the payroll taxes and how much he was fined last year because of screw ups. He said, "Well, we won't have as many employees this year."
So, he still doesn't get it.
9 comments:
Why are you not ready to have someone come help? What about someone who just comes in for a few hours so you can get a break every day? Not just when you've reached the end of your rope.
AND You might want to ask the support group you're going to join whether it's better to introduce someone when he's still lucid or wait. I know it might not make a difference but it might too.
xogvq = giving quality hugs and kisses
For one thing, Dad wouldn't accept any outside help right now. And we just don't need someone to come in for a few hours to give us a break. We're not that involved in his care- yet. I go over in the morning to do his blood test and meds but that's it as far as the daily stuff is concerned. I've also been taking him to his doctor's visits, which can take several hours, but even that doesn't happen very often- for now.
My sibs and doctor bro-in-law know that Dad isn't ready for outside help. We all know that day is coming but it's not here yet. I think things are happening at the right time.
I actually talked to Dad about joining a group and he was open to the idea. He hasn't really educated himself about Alzheimer's. I told him it might be better for him to learn about it so he can deal with his illness in an informed way instead of having it be this big, black scary thing that's out to get him. Today was really kind of a breakthrough.
And then he got all cocky about the Christmas trees. That was harder to deal with. Oh well.
A couple weeks ago the whole thing was really getting to me. There were a lot of doctor's visits and with his eye surgery, gimpy elbow, diabetes testing and meds he needed a lot of care. Add to that his coming over 4 and 5 times a day and the many phone calls it got to where we couldn't get anything done for ourselves. Rancho Curioso is on hold. Paige was feeling awful and actually broke down crying one night. Something had to change.
At this point not much has changed. I'm waiting until all the sibs can get together for a meeting. Things have lightened up a bit with Dad. We're all coping a little better right now.
Right now.
:-) I wasn't thinking whether your dad needed more help, but that you do. I do still remember very much how taxing the conversations were/are outside of the physical help.
Qzixtqsb = Quixotic bullshit
Heh, heh! If I could afford that kind of help I wouldn't be living here!
Well, Jim took Dad to the DMV. They left here pretty late so I'm sure Dad missed his appointment. They'll be sitting there for a while. Dad wanted Jim to scan his driver's license and that took some time.
So, he did it. He gave up driving without too much of a fight. We should take him out for a nice dinner or something. This was a big, BIG step for him.
The DMV visit went as well as it could. We got there 15 minutes after the appointment time, but it didn't matter. The place was packed; we stood in the "info desk" line, then filled out the form for an ID card, then gave it to the info desk person, and she gave us a priority number (because of the appointment). Stan's glasses had come apart, and I brought the glasses and a repair kit with me and fixed them while we waited; it took about the right amount of time. Some more signatures, a photo, and we were done. I think that Stan just wanted to get it over with. Afterwards, we talked about it a bit, and I said that I didn't think any of his children had anything to do with "telling on him" to the DMV; although it was discussed months ago, everyone seemed to agree that he needed to be able to drive as long as he could, and he hadn't gotten any tickets or anything. He seemed to accept that.
Donita and I and Stan went to lunch together at the Olde Spaghetti Factory, and that was a nice, pleasant lunch.
Uxakkgkw - please remove your foot from my neck.
A really big step! Glad he's cooperative. Are you all going to disable the car?
I don't think we'll need to. He really sees that he just can't drive anymore. After lunch today we took him to the post office and then to a hardware store to buy lightbulbs. I think it showed him that having us drive him around is no big deal.
This is a huge relief. The way he was talking last week I thought we were going to have to pry the keys from his cold, dead hand. He was so angry and defiant. But once it was clear that there was nothing he could do about it he just let go.
We really do need to show him that he can let us take care of him more and more and still be involved, in control and can actively participate in life. He was really worried that he's be stuck in a corner watching the family have fun while he just sits there. He said that's what happened with his grandfather and he hated the idea of it happening to him. We've been telling him it doesn't have to be that way. I think today he actually saw that.
tueqc- a chinese overlord
I don't know if Dad has ever used a cab in his life. I'll bet he will eventually. It would be a good way for him to get to church.
Today he goes to the eye doc. This should be the end of the eye drops.
He's been very pleasant this week. Like, amazingly pleasant. Last night we went to the Band Extravaganza at Ramona. He really enjoyed it. He bought us all shakes at Starbucks afterward.
I hope this version of Stan sticks around for a while!
lilwlodn- a little, tiny Norse god
Rats. Another week of eye drops. I was hoping to get rid of one of the daily rituals. They did an eye exam and he picked out new eyeglass frames. Such a selection at the VA eye clinic- NOT. Oh well, they're not bad. He'll get them in 4 to 6 weeks.
We were going to take his car to Loma Linda but it started acting up like the motor was cutting out. He said it's because it's been parked too long. I told him it's only been a few days since he stopped driving. He said no, it's been 2 weeks. I let it go.
I went up Mt. Rubidoux tonight. Ohmygod, it was soooo smoggy! Like the worst day in the middle of summer. I don't think there are any fires in the area. We must be experiencing some kind of perversion of the inversion layer. Man, it was gross.
katgpuw- kitty fart
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