When I went to Dad's this morning he was confused and very subdued. When we were done with the process of doing eye drops, testing his blood and taking his medication he totally forgot we had done it and tried to start it all over again. He said he's so tired of taking all these pills. I told him that he needs every one of them. He said he'd like to stop taking them all and just let his body do whatever it will do without them. I explained why it's important for him to have them and he let it drop.
We talked about his driving and losing his license and again he said it was just like dying. I told him yes, it's a loss but it's not like dying. He'll just have to do what everybody does when that happens. He'll just have to adjust. We'll all adjust because that's what families do. I explained again that he can afford to take a cab since he won't be paying for gas, insurance and upkeep on a car. He listened for a while and then changed the subject.
When I was leaving he started talking about how it's all so useless. Asked him what he meant. He didn't answer, he just sat down and shook his head. He's pretty defeated. He said something about being at Drew's yesterday and having Drew help him with the driver's test. I guess Drew was quizzing him and he didn't do very well. I don't know because he wasn't really using complete sentences. Then he started going on about letting the whole thing go and he'll keep driving until his license expires. I told him he won't be insured (we've been through this one several times) and if he gets into an accident he could be in big trouble. He said no one will know because on his license it says it's valid until his birthday in February. He said his insurance company won't know unless someone tells them. He said he wished he hadn't signed the DMV papers. I told him all that doesn't matter, that he's in the system and all those different agencies already know what's going on. His driver's license will be invalid no matter what it says on the card. I guess he started to get overwhelmed because he ended the conversation and went back into the house.
He seemed to be more willing to listen to what I had to say. He's doing that different stages of death thing and right now he's in the negotiating phase. I told him it would probably be good for him to try to accept it because it's going to happen anyway. I told him he can deal with it because he's a strong man and together we'll all find a way to make it work. So, we may have gotten over a hump here. Or tomorrow he could be back to spitting fire again.
Tomorrow we're going to see the orthopedic surgeon about his elbow. It's swollen again this morning. We'll discuss what they found on the scan.
And so it goes.
13 comments:
Well, as much of a jerk as he is I do sort of love the old bugger. I felt bad for him this morning.
I think you're right, this is probably just a lull. I talked to Drew just now. He' said he'll probably come over and take Dad's car just so the temptation won't be there. Dad will probably freak a good one when he does.
I think once this is final he'll start to adjust. I'm wondering what this next phase will look like. Yeesh almighty.
Ok, I've made an appointment with Kaiser's psychiatric department. A week from today for the first time in my life I'll be seeing a psychiatrist. How weird is that????
I'm actually feeling ok today but I know it won't last. Better to have the support system in place for the next time I need it. Even if I'm having a great day when I go in there I'm sure the floodgates will open. It's my lifelong curse.
I cannot imagine what it's like for him...having your reality shift from moment to moment.
The best thing you can do for both of you is let those floodgates open and be able to talk to someone about it...and joining the support group is something else that I think you HAVE to do. I really think you need to know how others have handled these types of issues. The pitfalls and the more shallow holes.
Hey, when you're at the DMV make sure you get him a calif id in place of his license. Save you a trip later.
Virginia- Well, it's ok to let the floodgates open. I'd just rather not do it talking to the receptionist. That's my problem. If I'm good and primed it doesn't take much for me to cry. When I get going I can't stop and I go whole hog sloppy. Red, puffy, bloodshot eyes and big ol' snotty nose, throat closes so I can't talk. God, I'm a mess.
I think Dad may have given up on the DMV. He was all fired up a few days ago but it looks like he's realized he can't do anything about it. As of tomorrow his license is suspended. But yeah, he'll need the ID.
Dean- You drove me to it. I was such a good girl until I met you.
Thanks!
Heh, I'm a cryer like you. And the puffy eyes last for days!
I even cry at commercials, and have no idea why that is.
Last night I saw some woman who bought 25 single boxes of kleenex, I wonder if she's a cryer too?
Oh man, isn't it awful? And then people try to comfort you, which only makes it worse. My friend, Michele, is just as bad. Sometimes we'd be at a concert or whatever and something slightly touching would happen and she and I would look at each other and laugh, both of us crying out of control.
I've been this way my whole life and I hate it, hate it, hate it. You should have seen me at my wedding.
Dad seems a little better today. We have a doctor's appointment at 2.
I only became an uncontrollable cryer after Liam, or maybe while preg with him. Otherwise I was a tough little cookie.
Now I'm a sniveling snot filled human when the tears get going. And that pisses me off and I cry more! yeesh.
How'd the doc appt go?
A little weird. We did a lot of waiting. When we finally got to see a doctor it was someone Dad thinks he's seen before and didn't like. Then that doctor went to get the head of the department and left us waiting again. Dad started to get pretty agitated and pissed off and I had to keep telling him to let it go. I wanted him to get the attention he needed without him making a scene. He was just so pissed at that one doctor who probably wasn't the one he'd seen before.
He had this piece of newspaper that he was using to take notes on this doctor. It was pretty irritating. The guy was talking to him while Dad was rudely folding and unfolding this big piece of crumpled newspaper and writing notes on it. When that guy left the room Dad started talking about wanting to write a letter telling whoever that he did not want to see that doctor again, EVER. I really don't think it was the same guy.
We ended up with 3 docs, who were all pretty good and who all said the same thing. His elbow has a nasty bursa that just needs time to heal. His diabetes can hinder that. If it gets too bad they can do surgery but it might not fix the problem. So, he needs to wear his arm pad, stop banging it on the bathroom door and just wait for it to heal.
How ironic to ask someone who completely lets go of the recent past but he's present enough to ignore you.
I wonder if you can request women docs for now on?
Legadillo, the word for this one is oobdsf, and thats how I felt when I got up this morning.
Dean- Hmmm, I wonder if David knows which drug it is.
Virginia- Dad looooves the women docs. His primary care doc is a woman and he's very happy with her. I'm not going to try to get him one every time, tho. It would be like, ok everyone, bring on the babes! Here comes STAN!
He did like the 3 guys we saw. He had the head of the department, a competent young guy and Dr. Zippy (the guy we had to chase after the other day). All of them were kind and jovial and really seemed to know their stuff. Dad was outnumbered.
The word for this post is cibvqhsa. Not one of the best.
It's frustrating to feel that you're not going to be able to have a truly impactful conversation, because it is likely to be forgotten. And letting it go isn't a quick-learn kind of thing.
Stan and I had a nice, easy conversation while scooping up dog poop (I removed around 500 pounds total, including last winters' cans) Monday.
I hope it goes well with the psych, Doni. Remember, you can swap 'em if the first one isn't your style.
Legadillo is probably trying to remember the name of a COX-2 NSAID which was or is threatened to be removed from the market. If so, it would probably be one of these: Celebrex, Vioxx, Bextra. (Or maybe Agilentoxx. That stuff almost gave me a heart attack!)
The word for this comment was "urlpni". 'Scuse me...
I don't think Celebrex is banned yet, but it's still controversial. From what I just read on the web, I think it got a new requirement that it gets a big label warning on it. So, I dunno, maybe it's okay, maybe not...
hxogqdw
LOL, I was thinking that asking for a woman he'd be tractable the entire time. bwhahaha.
I loved my Vioxx. Really helped me alot. Although it never helped heal my tendonitis, it did help a lot with arthritis. Bummed when they took it off the market.
jdmmppxq reminds me of jumpin' jimmity.
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