Saturday, September 24, 2005

Just sitting here...

Counting down the minutes until my birthday.

49.

Am I grown up yet? You'd think I would have my shit together by now. But no, I'm still totally disorganized, still bite my nails, still without income, still overweight. Still not living up to my potential.

But most of the time I'm pretty happy and that's more than Bill Frist can say right now.

I'm puttering. Today we did some major housecleaning. Got everything done except the floors. Had to quit to take Paige clothes shopping. Tonight I sorted beads. It's not going to have a big impact on my situation but they were right in front of me and it needed to be done, so there. I feel like if there's an opportunity to clean something I should do it so the big GTD project will go that much faster.

I've been thinking about Mom a lot today. Her birthday was yesterday. I wonder what things would be like if she were still here. I wonder what battles she and I would have had if she had survived. I'm not the same person I was 18 years ago. Even when she was alive I never shared who I really was with her. There are some things she wouldn't have liked.

But I think she would have gotten a kick out of my art. I didn't develop my style until after she was gone.

Bleah. Birthday emotions are weird. I'm all churned up. My life has led up to this. A lot of it is really great. Some things I could do without. There are days where I really, really, really don't want to take care of Dad. It's like, wait, how the hell did I get stuck with this? What would it be like if I weren't here? What if I left?

But most of the time it's ok. I don't like it and I didn't choose it, but I'll do it. So, I guess I really did choose it. I still don't like it.

Ten more minutes. Time to count some blessings.

Jim, Lindsay and Paige
My cool, fun sibs
Ken and Sherri
Dean and daily e-mails
Jeff and Mt. Rubidoux
The friends up north
The friends way up north
Jim again
The pets
Casual Sunday
My art
Our front porch and the view
Halloween's coming
Good things on the horizon
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and darn it, people like me.

Ah! There it is.

Happy Birthday to me!

9 comments:

vivage said...

Happy Birthday Donita! Happy, happy, joy, joy! Enjoy your day ok?
xo

Donita Curioso said...

Dang, girl! You're quick!

Thanks, dahling. I think it will be a nice day. There's sushi in my near future. I think we're going to do the champagne brunch at El Torito and then dinner later at Ooka. Paige has promised me a chocolate cake.

Lordy, that's a big calorie day!

vivage said...

I guess my timing was just right. :-) You know it's a rule that on your birthday everything goes right? You get to do anything you want so celebrate!

I love birthdays.

Donita Curioso said...

Birthdays weird me out a little. They remind me that my life is more than half over. But hey, what can you do about that? No choice there.

So, I carry on like I always have. Enjoy my days on this earth and try to grow and learn.

Eat sushi.

Jim said...

Hey, I got two mentions on the list!
Wow! I must be some kinda spatial!

Many happy returns of the day, my love.

Remember, you can leave any time you want. You just click your heels together three times...
Wait... what? No ruby slippers???
Where are your ruby slippers?

Well, we can trek overland; I'll rent a balloon.

All my love now and forever,

- yer ever-lovin' Jim

Brother Atom Bomb of Reflection said...

Happy B-day! My gift to you is to give you absolutely no advice.

Except avoid the sea anemone.

I hope I spelled that right.

Donita Curioso said...

Har! Pudding mussels. No, Jim doesn't do the sushi thing and Joe's doesn't have good dishes that aren't sushi. We went to this new place at the Plaza called Ooka. It's like Beni Hana. I figured I'd try their sushi and Jim could have a hibachi dinner. This is the second time we've been there and it's going to be our last. I ended up having hibachi steak and shrimp and a crummy pseudo-sushi roll. Jim's filet mignon was really good but everything else was ho-hum.

Lindsay and Paige and their friends are going to Joe's tonight. They'll eat the pudding mussels. One of these days I'm going to have to go to Joe's because I didn't get my sushi fix tonight.

This morning we went to El Torito with Ken and Sherri. We drank lots and lots of champagne. Then we went to their house and played music on the patio (and drank more champagne). I actually picked up Ken's guitar and held my own on the easy stuff. It was a pleasant, perfect afternoon.

After the kids get back we're going to have the cake that Paige made for me.

Right now, nap seems like a great idea.

Donita Curioso said...

Thank you, everybody. I had a lovely day.

Jim said...

BABOR mentioned avoiding the sea anemone and avoiding mispelling anemenenonena, so I thought I'd point out this oh-so-very relevant song: beware the sea anemenone.