Every day, sometimes several times a day, Jim and I have to stop what we're doing and deal with Dad. Usually he just stops by for no good reason. He just wants to "shoot the bull" which in English means WASTE EVERYBODY'S TIME. Some days it's no big deal (other than making my chest tight) but right now we have a lot that we're trying to accomplish and it's hard to keep a momentum going if Dad shows up 3 or 4 times a day.
Today he called up and said he's feeling guilty for not visiting Grace and since Corny and Grace took such an interest in me because of my painting I should go with him and visit her. He was laying it on pretty thick. For one thing, Corny and Grace never took a special interest in me. Not really. Also, I don't agree with their politics so spending any time in a room with Grace and Dad would be excruciating. I think Dad wants me to go because he knows he can't carry on a normal conversation and he needs my help.
I told him I would go but really, if he wants to visit his friends he should just do that and not drag me into it. I told him I don't want to be there for longer than an hour. He called Grace to find out when would be a good time and they had a good long conversation over the phone. I told him maybe we'd go next week sometime. I'm hoping he'll forget about it by then.
I know this sounds pissy but I feel like we already give a large portion of our day just dealing with his basic needs and his interruptions. Dean offered to pay for me to fly to Texas for a visit and I turned her down because I'm trying to get my workshops going and I need to try stick to my schedule, which is already way off. The day is coming where more of my time will be taken up taking care of Dad so I really want to use the time I have now to get things off the ground.
Ugh! So, I'm pretty tense right now. Jim and I are going to Mt. Rubidoux.
But really, right now I want to go someplace and scream.
6 comments:
Scream, all you want. AIeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Have you thought about dropping him off and leaving him there for a couple of hours? Give you a break, he gets to see his friends and his friends can deal with him for a while. Spread the wealth so to speak.
Well, he's still driving so he can take himself. I think if he has me there it will be easier for him to cover the Alzheimer's. His forgetfullness is moment to moment. If he's telling an old story he can go on nonstop. If he has to relate to what someone else is saying he can't follow it.
This morning Jim watched him try to take the same medication 3 times. Yesterday he forgot that I had just done his glucose test. If he can't deal with that, how is he going to follow a conversation?
(I exercised so I'm better now.) I'm willing to go with him on this visit. I just didn't like the way he smacked me with it. I'd like to set some ground rules concerning his many visits throughout the day. I know he's lonely so I don't want to cut him off, but we're running out of money and we need whatever time we have to get our businesses going. Not only do his visits take up time but they mess us up emotionally. Not a lot, but enough to knock us off track for a while.
Well, like I said, one of my goals is figuring out a way to make it all work. Dad's problems are only going to get worse.
I'll keep exercising. It helps a lot.
Don't you think he'll forget the groundrules you set for him? How well can he remember things from day to day? It might be good for him to get some support from friends instead of him relying on you guys to cover for him...which is not really covering because I'm pretty sure it's apparent to his friends.
I really do think you guys need as many breaks as you can get from him now. Because later you won't get any breaks and that day might come faster than slower.
I think he would probably remember he shouldn't come over so often. But I don't want him sitting at home thinking he shouldn't come over if he really has a good reason. It's a tough call. In the end, I probably won't do anything about it. He'll reach a point where he'll be coming over much more than he is now. I can see it coming. And he won't be able to help himself.
He doesn't really have any close friends anymore. Grace is an old friend but Dad was really closer to her husband, who died this year. I think all of his close friends have died. There really isn't anyone to call except for my sibs. They're already doing a lot. I don't see how they can help with this problem because they're way across town. It's not about taking Dad away for a few hours, although if we really needed that they would jump in and help out. All we have to do is ask.
But they can't do anything about the constant interruptions that happen throughout the day. I think we're just going to have to put up with it and try to make it all work. Dad could be like this for a few weeks and then it all could change. Any system we get worked out would have to be abondoned.
I've been thinking it's time to join a support group.
Yeah, I do think it's time for a support group. Better to get some insight on whats coming and how to deal with it from people who've been there.
When Dan came to visit I pointed out Mt. Rubidoux and he said, "That little dirt pile?" Well, he has Mt. Rainier in his back yard. I should have made him climb it with me. It's a pile of dirt but it's the perfect size for a good walk.
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