Caution: Whining ahead. Welcome to my vortex.
Pleah. Sometimes when I'm trying to get things done around here I find myself going in circles until I plunge right into overwhelm. It all pretty much comes from having more crap than I can realistically deal with. I know I'm making progress but I wish I had a big shed (hey, I used to have a barn!) to hold everything until I can sort through it all before moving it into the house or the garage. But I don't. I have a full garage and a full house. The tile game continues.
My mantra is "more out than in". More things have to move out of this house than can come in. I'm really doing pretty well with that. Today I made a big pile for the thrift store. I'll be going along at a good pace and then I'll find something that stops me and I have to sit there and think about it and try to make a decision about it. Today it was my Arcosanti bells. I have these three cool-looking bells that I really like. I had them hanging on my front porch at the farm. But I don't have any place here that I'd like to hang them. If I ever build my fabulous patio that right now only exists in my head, I'll have the perfect place for them. But I don't know if I'll ever be able to afford to build it. Thinking about that made me think about the uncertainty of my financial future. I followed that line of thought straight to crapland. The whole thing had me thinking that I'm not handling my life very well.
Inertia is my enemy. If I could keep moving and have it be my goal to accomplish something productive every day I'd whip this place into shape pretty quick. Ok, so that handles one of my problems. Then there's the money thing. Ok, I know I just had a big bag of money land in my lap and it really does help my situation. I'd be majorly screwed without it. But it'll only take me so far. It buys me some time. I can work on getting through school but then what? The whole point of getting my AA is to get a better job, but any kind of decent job is really hard to get right now. I also wonder if staying with RCC is the right thing to do.
See? It's a freakin' vortex of crappy, disorganized thought. Most of the time I'm really doing ok, but then there are the days when it all piles up. And I know I'm not the only one going through shitty times right now. The whole country is effed up. And even though I'm complaining a lot here, I'm not really feeling sorry for myself. It's just one of those days.
It's one of the effects of my widowhood. I've thought about this before. I know I'm capable of making good decisions, but when I was with Jim I had someone to bounce things around with. The whole process was different. I could feel comfortable and more certain about the decisions we made as a couple. The path was more clear. Fewer things fell through the cracks. A stitch in time saves nine. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh...
Ok, I'm done. There's still daylight left. I can get some more things done.
9 comments:
Here's something that might help: this is our last month in this apartment. Come September, the couch and dining room set will be out of my old room and you'll have more space for your tile game. :)
That actually will help.
Wow, that's pretty exciting! You and Kyle will have your own place! Any leads yet?
Wow, you've been prolific, I haven't been here in days.
I recognize that vortex. I have the same vortex. Plus I have inertia.
You, at least don't have inertia. I've given up on the piles of shit I have around the house. I no longer have the fortitude and have become apathetic to it.
As for RCC, you should stay with them. They pay better than most places and if you can move to a different job you'll learn more skills. The more people you know, the better your chances. Too bad you're at a remote location (like my office), it's much harder to network when you're not in the thick of things. But despite that, you do have friends and acquaintances on campus yes? Don't be afraid to use them as a way to wiggle in somewhere.
I do suffer from inertia. Not as bad as yours but enough to screw myself up. Your problem is worse because you live with three other people. It's really hard to deal with other people's shit that they don't want to deal with themselves. I only have Paige's stuff to deal with and she's mostly pretty good about keeping her stuff in her room. Still, there's enough of her stuff to make me a little crazy sometimes.
I'm at the top of my pay scale at RCC. That would be awesome if I was working full-time. It's a little hard to use my connections to wiggle in somewhere because when those good jobs come along they have to open them up to everyone. I can get great recommendations but the competition is really fierce right now and the job openings have slowed to a trickle. I just wonder if it's wise to hang on hoping for things to change. Will I recognize a better opportunity if it comes along?
You're right about being in a remote location. The opportunities for networking are more limited. I was thinking about asking if they can loan me out to other departments during the slow times of the smemster. I don't know if that's even done. I occasionally will work in the Chancellor's office, but that's just across the hall. Anyway, I can ask.
Well, I asked. I was told that they used to do that (loan workers out to other departments) but not so much anymore. And if they do it'll be someone who already works on campus. I'm pretty much stuck in this building.
The fall semester starts pretty soon so I'll go back to my regular hours. But that's not much more than I'm working right now. At least it'll be more interesting.
Hi Doni,
Whew! One thing I notice that I think is a cool metaphor ~ amidst all the work and the problems, you've placed a stained-glass window hanging and a vase of roses. Tiny little touches that still try and say, "Here, Doni, here's something pretty to look at, it'll get better!" (Even though it's awful, it's good that you did discover your wayward water trail now instead of later!)
Mary
Heh! That vase of flowers was there because I just started banging away without clearing off the counter first. Typical Donita. Don't prepare properly, just dive in.
And yes, I am VERY glad I discovered the water problem now instead of later. The plumber is coming tomorrow morning to rooter out the drain. I'm really not that bothered by what's happening in the bathroom. I'm sure that won't be the biggest problem I'll encounter. And it feels really good to be doing some real work on this place.
Only YOU would notice the roses!
Did you also notice the soap dish with plaster chunks all over the bar of soap?
Ha, I do now - I wasn't getting the full picture at first!
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