Boy, it's been a while since my last post.
This weekend was the Dickens Festival. I did this fun show at the Congregational Church, basically the same show as last year. It's the Queen's Tea, which is an English music hall style show where we sing silly songs and interact with Queen Victoria. They serve a very nice high tea with freshly baked scones, finger sandwiches, mini quiche and fruit. It's really a fun little experience.
Yesterday the kitchen staff told us that we could come into the kitchen and get something to eat any time because we were working so hard on entertaining everyone. Really, just come on in and have anything you want. Just make sure you use the little plastic gloves when you're taking food from the bins. It was great. I had a scone, a cookie, and a couple of the mini quiches, which got me through the day quite nicely.
Today after the first show I decided I wanted a scone. I went into the kitchen and found our marvelous pianist, Leonard, happily munching on one. I told the guys who were making them that that's what I came in for and they enthusiastically directed me to the rack of warm scones that were fresh from the oven. I put on a plastic glove and grabbed a plate. As I reached for a scone my hoop skirt snagged on a trash can, which fell over. This caused me to lurch forward a little, which resulted in my scone getting a bit dented. The woman who was running the kitchen turned around and said, "Oh no! Please don't do that! We might not have enough!" I told her that I was sorry and that I didn't know. I showed her the scone and told her it was kind of squished. She reached out and took it off my plate and put it back on the rack! I was dumbfounded! Then one of the kitchen staff kind of shoved a finger sandwich into my hand, I guess as compensation. I was trying to leave when one of the guys shouted, "Out of the way! Hot tray of scones coming!" It was about 15 seconds of chaos and panic. When I got out of the kitchen I turned and was faced with the woman who had freaked out about my squished scone. She just HAD to further explain to me WHY I couldn't one. At that point I didn't care about the fucking scone! Jeez-o-friggin'-pete!
My sweet, transgendered friend, Eva, saw what had happened and asked me if I got my scone. I told her I didn't and she said, "Go back and get one!" I said, "NO! I'm afraid!" She said, "I'll get you one!" and dashed back into the kitchen. She came out and handed me the same dented scone I had grabbed in the first place. I said, "Oh great, NOW I have to go HIDE!" The whole thing was completely hilarious.
Later on I saw the crazy kitchen woman outside the church. She made a point of coming up to me to tell me they now had enough scones to spare. I just said no thanks, but my inner dialog screamed, "Bitch, I don't want no scone!"
So I went through the whole day with nothing to sustain me but a squished, trophy scone. I was too afraid to go back into the kitchen after that. After I got home I made myself a nice, big salad.
Other than that, the weekend was great fun. All of the shows went really well. A few mistakes here and there but the performances were good. I had a wonderful time. I love working with Chris and Cyndi, and our new guy, Leonard, (an absolute gem!) was a pleasure to work with. I hope we can do it again next year. But if I get hungry I'm walking down to Farmer Boys.
5 comments:
biyatch!
That happened to some of my friends who were invited to a party, only to discover that they were the "entertainment," and expected to dance. One person offered them to eat from the buffet before they performed, only to be glared at by some bitch who stood and glared at them as they were eating. I was really happy I chose not to attend that party!
Scones are worth it. YeeeeeUm.
cocutcha--the sound a slot machine makes on an Indian reservation.
dean
I have a similar food story. One night I went to wait for Mark Friese to get off waiting tables at the restaurant at the Broadway. He sat me down at the bus table to wait until he got off work. He said I could eat anything that went by; everybody did it. I know--but I only ate pristine-looking things, which was plenty of food. Besides, if you'd had to eat my mother's cooking, you'd have jumped at free restaurant food yourself, served once or not.
Anyway, the second time I went it was the same set up, only this time after awhile Mark came to me and said, "Dean! The waitresses are telling me you're eating from the bus table! YEEECHHH!" I wanted to fall through the floor.
Mark was like that.
Nancy- Jeez! What a weird thing! It's hard to deal with stuff like that because you don't know who that bitch is. Is she the host's best friend? Sister? Or is she just some other guest that has a stick up her butt? You don't know if it's ok to tell her to fuck off.
Remember that party that was at Roger's friend's house that the band played at? The baked beans incident? I didn't know anyone there, I was just with the band. But I did spend a lot of time and effort making my famous killer baked beans. I dropped them off in the kitchen when we first arrived. When it came time to eat, this bossy bitch had dumped everyone's beans into one pot. When I asked her about it she said, "Several people brought beans. It's easier this way, AND IT'S DELICIOUS" (meaning I should just shut up about it). I said, "You know, I didn't just open up a can and dump it in a bowl" and walked out. When Jim found our he was pretty mad. he was looking forward to those beans.
Thing is, I didn't know who she was. I thought maybe she was somebody's mom. Man, she was awful. I would never in a million years think it was ok to mess with someone's party food. And there were several salads there. Why didn't she just dump them into one bowl if it's so much easier?
I had another weird experience at an event where once again, the rude person was someone I didn't know. We were performing at this smoothy place that had a Hawaiian theme. The guys and I were singing and playing ukes and they had also hired some hula dancers. Virginia, Zoe and I were sitting on some chairs and a sofa just talking. This old fart comes up to us and said, "So, are you just going to HOG the chairs?" There were plenty of other places to sit, so we couldn't figure out what his beef was. I made some comment about sharing the sofa and he said, "I came here to see hula dancing, not belly dancing (a dig at me, the fat woman). We found out later that he was with the dance troupe, like somebody's dad or something. If he had just asked nicely about the seats we probably would have been happy to move. But he started out in full prick mode. Man, people are weird.
Dean- Those scones were awesome. The whole place smelled divine.
Mark was a pip, wasn't he?
Heh! You had your own random weird-ass encounter with a dickhead. Remember that guy in Sears?
It was when we were in high school. Dean had made herself a pantsuit (they were in style at the time). After school we stopped at the Sears coffee shop for a snack. We were just sitting there chatting, being normal, when this older guy comes up to Dean and says, "What's the matter, did you forget to take your pajamas off this morning?" We were both completely gobsmacked. Dean kind of sputtered and then yelled, "Did you put your brain in backwards this morning??" Ah yes, the snappy retort. Then another guy, a Sears employee, rushed up to us, apologizing profusely. Turns out the grumpy guy worked there. We probably should have reported him but we were just dumb high school kids. Didn't know that was an option. It was so goofy! Maddening, but we got a laugh out of it.
bathromo- an automatic bathroom cleaning device.
I'm kind of glad he did it, it's been one of our favorite stories. Plus, it makes me remember that pantsuit, which was hilarious: brown courderoy a la Maude: a midi-vest and big flowing pants. I really thought it was bitchin'.
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